Social media is a prominent part of our modern lives, whether we personally engage with it on a regular basis or not. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, and any number of other platforms are available for people to post anything from their daily activities to political opinions to advertisements for their own businesses. It can be used to lift people up, celebrate life, and encourage a sense of community throughout the world. However, when not used respectfully, social media can also be a conduit to all kinds of hurt feelings and arguments.
This is especially true when social media is used (or even neglected) during a romantic relationship. During
this session, we talked about some opinions regarding appropriate and inappropriate uses of social media
during a relationship and what kinds of boundaries may need to be discussed between the parties involved.
When Is It Okay to Start Posting Your Significant Other? Is there a Right or Wrong Timeline?
In terms of actual time, there is no set right or wrong time to start posting about your significant other. For some couples, they might feel comfortable with it right away. For others, they might prefer to keep certain things private until the relationship has developed a solid foundation. Generally speaking, the only “right” time to start posting your significant other is when both you and your S.O. are ready to take that step.
That being said, it all comes down to knowing where your comfort level is with social media. Some people prefer to stay off of it or only post certain impersonal things on it while others like to post constant updates on what they’re doing, who they’re with, and where they are. If you’re with someone who is fairly active on social media, but they don’t seem interested in posting about you (unless you specifically asked them not to), that might be a red flag that needs to be discussed. After all, if they’re willing to post pictures of themselves with all of their friends, but you’ve been together for a while and they still don’t post pictures or statuses about you, what is that saying about how they see the relationship?
But even this might not be a negative factor in some relationships. If a person decides not to post anything
about their romantic life, and their significant other doesn’t have a problem with that, then it works for that
couple. Again, as long as both parties are being respectful and feeling respected, there is no overall right or
wrong decision or timeline.
What Is the Difference Between Privacy and Secrecy?
Privacy in terms of relationships and social media could best be described as people knowing of the relationship, but not being privy to all of the personal details of it. For example, Person A and Person B are dating and their friends and family know it, but they don’t know anything about that couple’s personal life, their dating habits, their sex life, their fights and makeups, etc. Privacy tends to focus on respecting both individuals in the relationship and respecting the relationship itself.
Secrecy, however, is centered around not wanting people to know about the relationship at all. Someone keeping a relationship or significant other secret from social media is usually doing so because they want to hide something, and is often born of dishonesty and lack of respect for both the other person in the relationship and the relationship itself. If you’re seeing someone who seems adamantly against your relationship being shared on social media, you might want to have an open and frank discussion with them about why that is.
What Is Non-Negotiable When It Comes to Social Media?
The only thing that can be declared as “non-negotiable” across the board is respect. When it comes to things like following an ex, liking or commenting on pictures belonging to people outside of the relationship, and other behaviors, it’s going to be up to the individuals in the relationship to decide if that’s acceptable or not. If one or both people are uncomfortable with it, then it’s a non-negotiable behavior and doesn’t need to happen. But if those comments and those likes are just about lifting other people up and the other person in the relationship feels like they’re still being respected and getting the attention they should be, it might not be such a problem.
Should Social Media Be a Conversation When Dating? Is It Important to Discuss Your Standards When It Comes to Social Media?
It might not be as big of a deal as other topics, like whether or not you want kids, what your career goals are, and what kind of relationship you’re interested in. However, if you notice that the person you’re dating is constantly on social media and they’re doing something that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable, it’s worth having at least an opening conversation about comfort levels. Some things you’ll be able to know right off the bat by seeing how frequently they post on social media before you start dating and during the beginning of the relationship, so this is a good time to figure out what you are and aren’t okay with and bring it up as needed.
Would You Be Mad If Your Significant Other Didn’t Post About
You For Your Birthday?
A birthday is a big deal in a relationship, especially if a couple has been together for a while before that birthday rolls around. Posting about your significant other’s birthday should probably be a priority regardless of your habits if only because you only have the chance to once a year. Not to mention, it’ll mean all that much more to your S.O. if you’re not very active on the internet, but you make the effort to post for their birthday.
But, again, every couple is different. Birthdays aren’t a big deal to everybody, and if you wouldn’t be bothered by your S.O. not posting for yours, then no harm no foul. Know your significant other well enough to be able to make the choice for yourself, but it’s probably best to go that extra mile for them on that particular day if you’re unsure.
Is Your Significant Other Required to Like Your Pictures?
We know it feels good when the person you’re in a romantic relationship with (or even just romantically interested in!) like or love reacts to your selfies. It makes us feel attractive, loved, and like they’re proud to be with us. But whether or not they should be required to like your photos is something that will go back to what their normal habits are on social media. If they’re out there liking and commenting on other people’s photos (particularly photos of the opposite sex, or same sex in the case of same-sex couples) but they’re not showing you the same attention, that warrants some discussion because that’s going to lead to hurt feelings and jealousy. But if they just don’t do very much on social media, it might not be that big of a deal if they’re not liking every selfie you post.
If Your Significant Other Has Multiple Social Media Accounts, Are
They Required to Post You On All Media and Do You Need to Be
Friends With Them Across All Platforms?
While it might not make sense for someone to be “required” to post about their significant other across all of their social media platforms, it would certainly be worth knowing why if there are one or two accounts that they specifically don’t want to post their S.O. on. If it’s just a matter of one account being solely for business or blogging purposes, then it would make sense not to be posting relationship material on those accounts. However, if it’s just because there are certain people on one account that the person doesn’t want seeing their S.O., that may be cause for concern.
Do You Feel Your Relationship Isn’t Real If It’s Not Displayed On
Social Media?
A relationship doesn’t exist through social media, it exists in the lives of the people in it. However, if
transparency through social media is important to one half of the couple, it may be a deal-breaker if the other
half is unwilling to share the relationship on their social media platforms. This is going to be different for
each couple and should be treated as a matter of respect, just like the above topics.
However, even if that transparency is important to you, it’s worth keeping in mind that you want your significant other to treat you better in real life than they do on social media, and how they handle your relationship off-screen is far more important than how it’s displayed for others to view. Social Media Can Impact Your Relationship In Positive/Negative
Ways If:
Positive
You use it to lift each other up
You express pride in your significant other through it
You consistently show respect for your significant other in the way you use it
Negative
You’re dishonest or disrespectful in your social media habits
You keep secret accounts or say hurtful things about your S.O. in your direct messages
You let jealousy or secrecy get in the way of constructive and respectful communication with each
other.
5 Takeaways
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Discuss your comfort level with your partner regarding social media. If you don’t want them posting certain things or want them to avoid certain behaviors, make that known so that they know what will and won’t be a problem.
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Consider waiting until the relationship has a solid foundation before posting each other in general. Make it a sort of milestone to reach, because once you share that information with social media, it’s there for the world to see and comment on.
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Be mindful of your partner’s habits. If they don’t do very much on the internet outside of the relationship, it wouldn’t be fair to expect them to do a whole lot more within the relationship. In the reverse, though, it might be cause for concern if they post about every other aspect of their life aside from you.
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Know the difference between privacy and secrecy and act accordingly. Some people don’t like posting about their personal life in general, but that doesn’t mean they’re keeping you a secret.
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Respect! Respect! Respect! Talk to each other, know where the other person is coming from with their expectations and habits, and respect the things that will and won’t hurt them.