The post 36- Youth Sports & Politics of The Game appeared first on On Everyone's Lips (O.E.L Show).

In this episode, OEL discusses the topic of “Pillow talk”, a subject that can carry many meanings. OEL focuses on the dynamic between individuals in a relationship or within their friendships who share personal conversations about one another. Are there boundaries to your conversations in your relationships? Sit back, relax, and enjoy some juicy conversation that is sure to be, On Everyone’s Lip’s. 

The post 35 – Pillow Talk – Are There Boundaries to Your Conversations in Your Relationships? appeared first on On Everyone's Lips (O.E.L Show).

Ever wonder why women tend to cut their friends off for their significant other? OEL discusses this in detail and asks why does this happen? and how does it affects your friendships? Sit back, relax, and enjoy some juicy conversation that is sure to be, On Everyone’s Lips. 

The post 34 – Are Y’all Dropping Your Friends For Your Man? appeared first on On Everyone's Lips (O.E.L Show).

In this episode, OEL sits down and talks with Shatiea Blount who is a licensed psychotherapist and certified professional coach. We talk all things mental health such as, suicide, the effects of social media on adults and adolescents and much more. Sit back, relax, and enjoy some juicy conversation that is sure to be On Everyone’s Lips.

The post 33 – I’m Fine, Thanks for Asking – Mental Health Conversation featuring Shatiea Blount appeared first on On Everyone's Lips (O.E.L Show).

Dating can be a complicated part of life. From where and how you meet somebody, to developing connections, to overcoming hurdles and bridging gaps, there are all kinds of things to worry about from the beginning. Adding racial and cultural differences to the mix may be a big deal to some, especially when there are historical tensions between the race of one person in the relationship and the race of the other person. This could be one of the reasons why black women have the lowest marriage percentage in the United States right now and are also the least likely to marry outside of their race.

Not all individuals or couples see dating outside their race as being an issue, however. It can be as easy as simply finding someone that you click with and become attracted to, especially if mutual respect exists between the individuals in the relationship. We spoke with a few couples who are currently in committed interracial elationships and asked them some questions about their dating experience. We’ll hear from:

• Wilesha and John

• Joan and Rich

• Camille and Jeff

These beautiful couples will share their thoughts on the matter based on their firsthand experience. Their stories will also shed light on how much things have (and have not) changed since the Mildred and Richard Loving case in Virginia: an interracial couple who got married in the 1960s and actually found themselves getting arrested because of their relationship. Their case went to the Supreme Court, where they were able to get laws against interracial relationships banned.

1. How did you meet, and is this your first interracial dating experience?

2. What attracted you to them?

3. Did you have any hesitations about dating outside your race, and how did your family feel? Did your partner feel accepted by them?

4. Do you have a complexion preference?

5. Have your predispositions of each other’s races changed since you’ve been in your relationship?

6. Have your past disappointments with dating your own race lead you to date outside your race?

7. Do you feel it’s important that if you have children, they know both sides of their culture? How will you educate them?

8. Is there a difference in intimacy or sexual experience?

Camille and Jeff

These two met on a dating app, but neither person was new to interracial dating. Camille thought that Jeff was handsome and liked the fact that his dating profile expressed his creative mind. Jeff thought that Camille looked “wholesome and interesting” and appreciates that their personalities are opposite to each other, yet they complement each other almost perfectly. They also both have stable jobs and complementary skill sets, so they feel that they work very well together in their relationship.

Camille’s family has always been very accepting, as they were the ones who instilled the belief that people should be treated as people rather than seen as only their races. The only worry that she had initially was whether or not men outside of her race would want to talk to her first or would have any negative predispositions about her because of her race.

Jeff grew up surrounded by caucasian people and didn’t have much of a preference because he wasn’t exposed to much else in the beginning. It wasn’t until he began working at the DMV that he began to meet and converse with more kinds of people. His parents were also very accepting and had no issue with him dating other races.

There haven’t really been any changes in their predispositions, because neither of them really felt that they had any predispositions regarding other races before entering their relationship. They both felt that people are all wonderful in some ways and problematic in others, but those ways would differ from person to person, not race to race.

Camille feels that her past disappointments have been more because of the individual themselves rather than being about race, so she wouldn’t say that they changed her feelings about interracial dating in one way or another. Jeff admits to feeling that black women have faced more adversity and have a tendency to be more grounded and mature, so he feels that his attraction has veered more toward black women.

Camille genuinely feels like there is a difference in sexual openness between races, meaning that men of one race might be more willing to try something new than men of another race. Jeff admits that he wasn’t getting much sexual attention before moving to the DMV and feels that there may be more sensuality outside of his race. He also feels like, physically, he would never go back to dating white women.

Willesha and John

John was Willesha’s supervisor at work, and interracial dating was a first for both of them. Both parties are Leos, and Willesha liked that they both had assertive spirits. John was her supervisor, and she was attracted to the way he presented himself. John liked the fact that they could tease and joke with each other so easily, and he was attracted to her sense of humor.

Willesha definitely had hesitations about dating white men because of the way her extended family would tease her about her attractions. Her mother was always fine with her dating whoever she loved, and though her extended family initially made jokes about it, their own family has diversified so that it’s just the norm now. John had no hesitations whatsoever and his family respected his right to love whoever he loved, as long as he was happy.

Willesha has had to teach John a lot about what it’s like to be with a black woman, from hair care to cultural sensitivity, but John has been a very open person, eager to learn about and respect the woman he loves and everything about her. There haven’t been any predispositions, necessarily, but there has been a lot to learn since this is their first interracial relationship. Willesha wants to know that John will be ready to raise a black child with her, because even though the child will be genetically “mixed,” the world will see that child as “black.” She admits to having fears surrounding that dynamic.

Unfortunately, Willesha has had a few negative experiences with black men and their perspectives, so she admits to having wanted to try something different. Now that she has dated a white man, she genuinely wouldn’t want to go back to dating men in her race. John has only dated white women but wouldn’t say that his experience with them has altered his opinions or steered him toward dating women of color. He has, however, matured quite a bit more since dating Willesha.

Willesha feels that black men tend to care more about their own satisfaction, whereas John, as a white man, cares more about intimacy and both people’s satisfaction. John feels closer to Willesha than he has in past experiences. He feels like there is more emotional intimacy between them and appreciates that she has an innate sense of rhythm.

Joan and Rich

This couple met on a ski trip where Rich was celebrating his divorce at the bar of their hotel, and Joan was looking for business. Interracial dating was not new to either of them. Joan was the first to talk to Rich, interested in asking questions about his hair. Rich could tell that she had had a couple drinks and expected her interest to fade, but was pleasantly surprised when her interest was genuine. They got to know each other fairly quickly, and their relationship blossomed from there, from long-distance to long-term.

Joan noticed a difference in the way it felt to date a white man and discovered that she had a genuine preference for white men. Her family cared more about how her partner made her feel and if they made her happy rather than about their race. Rich had never experienced any kind of racial clash and had been more attracted to women of color from an early age. His family loved Joan and welcomed her.

All of Rich’s experiences until Joan were with black Americans, whereas Joan is African. He had to recognize that everything he had learned and understood about black women up until meeting Joan was no longer relevant, because her experiences were completely different from the experience of an African American or otherwise black American. Conversely, Joan learned how differently Americans view race from her own home country. Where she had never seen it as that big of a difference and considers her children white because of how light-skinned they are, America will only see them as black babies. This has been a learning curve for both of them.

Joan feels that her preference was never about disappointment, it was just about discovering that she had a preference at all. In other words, she feels nothing negatively toward her own race, but she felt noticeably positively toward men outside her race. Rich was also never disappointed in the past, but his culture growing up always gravitated more toward things that are more often associated with black culture and was always predisposed to be attracted to black women more.

Rich and Joan spoke on their worries regarding raising their mixed children in America, where they will automatically be viewed as black rather than mixed or light-skinned. Their daughter gravitates more toward her father and their son gravitates more toward his mother, so Rich and Joan express a desire to make sure that their cultural education is balanced in spite of their interests. They wish that they didn’t have to approach it this way, but they recognize that where they live is a huge factor in how they need to educate their children.

Joan is happy to say that sexuality is very different with white men. It feels more connected and open, there’s more expression, and there’s more focus on making her happy. Rich also feels that there’s more of an emotional connection and feels that Joan is it for him. He’s hypersensitive to her presence, sexually, and combining that with the fact that she’s the mother of his children and the woman he wants to spend his life with, he’s never been more satisfied.

5 Takeaways

1. Successful interracial relationships happen when there is a foundation of mutual respect.

2. A willingness to learn about each other’s cultural differences is vital to interracial dating.

3. If you plan on starting a family with someone outside of your race, be sure to communicate about all of the intricacies that come with having a mixed child.

4. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with dating outside of your race, but the reason for it should be more about positive preference or coincidence rather than putting down your own race.

5. Have an open mind and open heart when dating in general, but especially when dating outside of your race. There will always be more to learn and more to teach.

Guests Contact Info:

Camille & Jeff

Camille Gray

Website: www.wearenuex.com

Instagram: @werareNUEX

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/wearenuex

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/camillemichellegray

Jeff Fitzgerald

Website: http://www.fib-media.com

Instagram: @FibMedia

Wilesha & John

Wilesha Wingfield

Instagram: @Texas_Bama

John Gicante

Instagram: @JohngiCante

Rich & Joan McLaughlin

Joan McLaughlin

Facebook: facebook.com/JoanMcLaughlinRealtor

Instagram: @joanMclaughlinRealtor

Website: JoanMclaughlinHomes.com/

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

Interracial Relationships: Is Love Really Blind?

Dating can be a complicated part of life. From where and how you meet somebody, to developing connections, to overcoming hurdles and bridging gaps, there are all kinds of things to worry about from the beginning. Adding racial and cultural differences to the mix may be a big deal to some, especially when there are historical tensions between the race of one person in the relationship and the race of the other person. This could be one of the reasons why black women have the lowest marriage percentage in the United States right now and are also the least likely to marry outside of their race.

Not all individuals or couples see dating outside their race as being an issue, however. It can be as easy as simply finding someone that you click with and become attracted to, especially if mutual respect exists between the individuals in the relationship. We spoke with a few couples who are currently in committed interracial elationships and asked them some questions about their dating experience. We’ll hear from:

• Wilesha and John

• Joan and Rich

• Camille and Jeff

These beautiful couples will share their thoughts on the matter based on their firsthand experience. Their stories will also shed light on how much things have (and have not) changed since the Mildred and Richard Loving case in Virginia: an interracial couple who got married in the 1960s and actually found themselves getting arrested because of their relationship. Their case went to the Supreme Court, where they were able to get laws against interracial relationships banned.

1. How did you meet, and is this your first interracial dating experience?

2. What attracted you to them?

3. Did you have any hesitations about dating outside your race, and how did your family feel? Did your partner feel accepted by them?

4. Do you have a complexion preference?

5. Have your predispositions of each other’s races changed since you’ve been in your relationship?

6. Have your past disappointments with dating your own race lead you to date outside your race?

7. Do you feel it’s important that if you have children, they know both sides of their culture? How will you educate them?

8. Is there a difference in intimacy or sexual experience?

Camille and Jeff

These two met on a dating app, but neither person was new to interracial dating. Camille thought that Jeff was handsome and liked the fact that his dating profile expressed his creative mind. Jeff thought that Camille looked “wholesome and interesting” and appreciates that their personalities are opposite to each other, yet they complement each other almost perfectly. They also both have stable jobs and complementary skill sets, so they feel that they work very well together in their relationship.

Camille’s family has always been very accepting, as they were the ones who instilled the belief that people should be treated as people rather than seen as only their races. The only worry that she had initially was whether or not men outside of her race would want to talk to her first or would have any negative predispositions about her because of her race.

Jeff grew up surrounded by caucasian people and didn’t have much of a preference because he wasn’t exposed to much else in the beginning. It wasn’t until he began working at the DMV that he began to meet and converse with more kinds of people. His parents were also very accepting and had no issue with him dating other races.

There haven’t really been any changes in their predispositions, because neither of them really felt that they had any predispositions regarding other races before entering their relationship. They both felt that people are all wonderful in some ways and problematic in others, but those ways would differ from person to person, not race to race.

Camille feels that her past disappointments have been more because of the individual themselves rather than being about race, so she wouldn’t say that they changed her feelings about interracial dating in one way or another. Jeff admits to feeling that black women have faced more adversity and have a tendency to be more grounded and mature, so he feels that his attraction has veered more toward black women.

Camille genuinely feels like there is a difference in sexual openness between races, meaning that men of one race might be more willing to try something new than men of another race. Jeff admits that he wasn’t getting much sexual attention before moving to the DMV and feels that there may be more sensuality outside of his race. He also feels like, physically, he would never go back to dating white women.

Willesha and John

John was Willesha’s supervisor at work, and interracial dating was a first for both of them. Both parties are Leos, and Willesha liked that they both had assertive spirits. John was her supervisor, and she was attracted to the way he presented himself. John liked the fact that they could tease and joke with each other so easily, and he was attracted to her sense of humor.

Willesha definitely had hesitations about dating white men because of the way her extended family would tease her about her attractions. Her mother was always fine with her dating whoever she loved, and though her extended family initially made jokes about it, their own family has diversified so that it’s just the norm now. John had no hesitations whatsoever and his family respected his right to love whoever he loved, as long as he was happy.

Willesha has had to teach John a lot about what it’s like to be with a black woman, from hair care to cultural sensitivity, but John has been a very open person, eager to learn about and respect the woman he loves and everything about her. There haven’t been any predispositions, necessarily, but there has been a lot to learn since this is their first interracial relationship. Willesha wants to know that John will be ready to raise a black child with her, because even though the child will be genetically “mixed,” the world will see that child as “black.” She admits to having fears surrounding that dynamic.

Unfortunately, Willesha has had a few negative experiences with black men and their perspectives, so she admits to having wanted to try something different. Now that she has dated a white man, she genuinely wouldn’t want to go back to dating men in her race. John has only dated white women but wouldn’t say that his experience with them has altered his opinions or steered him toward dating women of color. He has, however, matured quite a bit more since dating Willesha.

Willesha feels that black men tend to care more about their own satisfaction, whereas John, as a white man, cares more about intimacy and both people’s satisfaction. John feels closer to Willesha than he has in past experiences. He feels like there is more emotional intimacy between them and appreciates that she has an innate sense of rhythm.

Joan and Rich

This couple met on a ski trip where Rich was celebrating his divorce at the bar of their hotel, and Joan was looking for business. Interracial dating was not new to either of them. Joan was the first to talk to Rich, interested in asking questions about his hair. Rich could tell that she had had a couple drinks and expected her interest to fade, but was pleasantly surprised when her interest was genuine. They got to know each other fairly quickly, and their relationship blossomed from there, from long-distance to long-term.

Joan noticed a difference in the way it felt to date a white man and discovered that she had a genuine preference for white men. Her family cared more about how her partner made her feel and if they made her happy rather than about their race. Rich had never experienced any kind of racial clash and had been more attracted to women of color from an early age. His family loved Joan and welcomed her.

All of Rich’s experiences until Joan were with black Americans, whereas Joan is African. He had to recognize that everything he had learned and understood about black women up until meeting Joan was no longer relevant, because her experiences were completely different from the experience of an African American or otherwise black American. Conversely, Joan learned how differently Americans view race from her own home country. Where she had never seen it as that big of a difference and considers her children white because of how light-skinned they are, America will only see them as black babies. This has been a learning curve for both of them.

Joan feels that her preference was never about disappointment, it was just about discovering that she had a preference at all. In other words, she feels nothing negatively toward her own race, but she felt noticeably positively toward men outside her race. Rich was also never disappointed in the past, but his culture growing up always gravitated more toward things that are more often associated with black culture and was always predisposed to be attracted to black women more.

Rich and Joan spoke on their worries regarding raising their mixed children in America, where they will automatically be viewed as black rather than mixed or light-skinned. Their daughter gravitates more toward her father and their son gravitates more toward his mother, so Rich and Joan express a desire to make sure that their cultural education is balanced in spite of their interests. They wish that they didn’t have to approach it this way, but they recognize that where they live is a huge factor in how they need to educate their children.

Joan is happy to say that sexuality is very different with white men. It feels more connected and open, there’s more expression, and there’s more focus on making her happy. Rich also feels that there’s more of an emotional connection and feels that Joan is it for him. He’s hypersensitive to her presence, sexually, and combining that with the fact that she’s the mother of his children and the woman he wants to spend his life with, he’s never been more satisfied.

5 Takeaways

1. Successful interracial relationships happen when there is a foundation of mutual respect.

2. A willingness to learn about each other’s cultural differences is vital to interracial dating.

3. If you plan on starting a family with someone outside of your race, be sure to communicate about all of the intricacies that come with having a mixed child.

4. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with dating outside of your race, but the reason for it should be more about positive preference or coincidence rather than putting down your own race.

5. Have an open mind and open heart when dating in general, but especially when dating outside of your race. There will always be more to learn and more to teach.

Guests Contact Info:

Camille & Jeff

Camille Gray

Website: www.wearenuex.com

Instagram: @werareNUEX

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/wearenuex

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/camillemichellegray

Jeff Fitzgerald

Website: http://www.fib-media.com

Instagram: @FibMedia

Wilesha & John

Wilesha Wingfield

Instagram: @Texas_Bama

John Gicante

Instagram: @JohngiCante

Rich & Joan McLaughlin

Joan McLaughlin

Facebook: facebook.com/JoanMcLaughlinRealtor

Instagram: @joanMclaughlinRealtor

Website: JoanMclaughlinHomes.com/

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

The post 18 – Interracial Relationships: Is Love Really Blind? Couples Interview appeared first on On Everyone's Lips (O.E.L Show).

This is especially true when social media is used (or even neglected) during a romantic relationship. During this session, we talked about some opinions regarding appropriate and inappropriate uses of social media during a relationship and what kinds of boundaries may need to be discussed between the parties involved.

When Is It Okay to Start Posting Your Significant Other? Is there a Right or Wrong Timeline?

In terms of actual time, there is no set right or wrong time to start posting about your significant other. For some couples, they might feel comfortable with it right away. For others, they might prefer to keep certain things private until the relationship has developed a solid foundation. Generally speaking, the only “right” time to start posting your significant other is when both you and your S.O. are ready to take that step.

That being said, it all comes down to knowing where your comfort level is with social media. Some people prefer to stay off of it or only post certain impersonal things on it while others like to post constant updates on what they’re doing, who they’re with, and where they are. If you’re with someone who is fairly active on social media, but they don’t seem interested in posting about you (unless you specifically asked them not to), that might be a red flag that needs to be discussed. After all, if they’re willing to post pictures of themselves with all of their friends, but you’ve been together for a while and they still don’t post pictures or statuses about you, what is that saying about how they see the relationship?

But even this might not be a negative factor in some relationships. If a person decides not to post anything about their romantic life, and their significant other doesn’t have a problem with that, then it works for that couple. Again, as long as both parties are being respectful and feeling respected, there is no overall right or wrong decision or timeline.

What Is the Difference Between Privacy and Secrecy?

Privacy in terms of relationships and social media could best be described as people knowing of the relationship, but not being privy to all of the personal details of it. For example, Person A and Person B are dating and their friends and family know it, but they don’t know anything about that couple’s personal life, their dating habits, their sex life, their fights and makeups, etc. Privacy tends to focus on respecting both individuals in the relationship and respecting the relationship itself.

Secrecy, however, is centered around not wanting people to know about the relationship at all. Someone keeping a relationship or significant other secret from social media is usually doing so because they want to hide something, and is often born of dishonesty and lack of respect for both the other person in the relationship and the relationship itself. If you’re seeing someone who seems adamantly against your relationship being shared on social media, you might want to have an open and frank discussion with them about why that is.

What Is Non-Negotiable When It Comes to Social Media?

The only thing that can be declared as “non-negotiable” across the board is respect. When it comes to things like following an ex, liking or commenting on pictures belonging to people outside of the relationship, and other behaviors, it’s going to be up to the individuals in the relationship to decide if that’s acceptable or not. If one or both people are uncomfortable with it, then it’s a non-negotiable behavior and doesn’t need to happen. But if those comments and those likes are just about lifting other people up and the other person in the relationship feels like they’re still being respected and getting the attention they should be, it might not be such a problem.

Should Social Media Be a Conversation When Dating? Is It Important to Discuss Your Standards When It Comes to Social Media?

It might not be as big of a deal as other topics, like whether or not you want kids, what your career goals are, and what kind of relationship you’re interested in. However, if you notice that the person you’re dating is constantly on social media and they’re doing something that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable, it’s worth having at least an opening conversation about comfort levels. Some things you’ll be able to know right off the bat by seeing how frequently they post on social media before you start dating and during the beginning of the relationship, so this is a good time to figure out what you are and aren’t okay with and bring it up as needed.

Would You Be Mad If Your Significant Other Didn’t Post About You For Your Birthday?

A birthday is a big deal in a relationship, especially if a couple has been together for a while before that birthday rolls around. Posting about your significant other’s birthday should probably be a priority regardless of your habits if only because you only have the chance to once a year. Not to mention, it’ll mean all that much more to your S.O. if you’re not very active on the internet, but you make the effort to post for their birthday.

But, again, every couple is different. Birthdays aren’t a big deal to everybody, and if you wouldn’t be bothered by your S.O. not posting for yours, then no harm no foul. Know your significant other well enough to be able to make the choice for yourself, but it’s probably best to go that extra mile for them on that particular day if you’re unsure.

Is Your Significant Other Required to Like Your Pictures?

We know it feels good when the person you’re in a romantic relationship with (or even just romantically interested in!) like or love reacts to your selfies. It makes us feel attractive, loved, and like they’re proud to be with us. But whether or not they should be required to like your photos is something that will go back to what their normal habits are on social media. If they’re out there liking and commenting on other people’s photos (particularly photos of the opposite sex, or same sex in the case of same-sex couples) but they’re not showing you the same attention, that warrants some discussion because that’s going to lead to hurt feelings and jealousy. But if they just don’t do very much on social media, it might not be that big of a deal if they’re not liking every selfie you post.

If Your Significant Other Has Multiple Social Media Accounts, Are They Required to Post You On All Media and Do You Need to Be Friends With Them Across All Platforms?

While it might not make sense for someone to be “required” to post about their significant other across all of their social media platforms, it would certainly be worth knowing why if there are one or two accounts that they specifically don’t want to post their S.O. on. If it’s just a matter of one account being solely for business or blogging purposes, then it would make sense not to be posting relationship material on those accounts. However, if it’s just because there are certain people on one account that the person doesn’t want seeing their S.O., that may be cause for concern.

Do You Feel Your Relationship Isn’t Real If It’s Not Displayed On Social Media?

A relationship doesn’t exist through social media, it exists in the lives of the people in it. However, if transparency through social media is important to one half of the couple, it may be a deal-breaker if the other half is unwilling to share the relationship on their social media platforms. This is going to be different for each couple and should be treated as a matter of respect, just like the above topics.

However, even if that transparency is important to you, it’s worth keeping in mind that you want your significant other to treat you better in real life than they do on social media, and how they handle your relationship off-screen is far more important than how it’s displayed for others to view. Social Media Can Impact Your Relationship In Positive/Negative

Ways If:

Positive You use it to lift each other up You express pride in your significant other through it You consistently show respect for your significant other in the way you use it

Negative You’re dishonest or disrespectful in your social media habits You keep secret accounts or say hurtful things about your S.O. in your direct messages You let jealousy or secrecy get in the way of constructive and respectful communication with each other.

5 Takeaways

• Discuss your comfort level with your partner regarding social media. If you don’t want them posting certain things or want them to avoid certain behaviors, make that known so that they know what will and won’t be a problem.

• Consider waiting until the relationship has a solid foundation before posting each other in general. Make it a sort of milestone to reach, because once you share that information with social media, it’s there for the world to see and comment on.

• Be mindful of your partner’s habits. If they don’t do very much on the internet outside of the relationship, it wouldn’t be fair to expect them to do a whole lot more within the relationship. In the reverse, though, it might be cause for concern if they post about every other aspect of their life aside from you.

• Know the difference between privacy and secrecy and act accordingly. Some people don’t like posting about their personal life in general, but that doesn’t mean they’re keeping you a secret.

• Respect! Respect! Respect! Talk to each other, know where the other person is coming from with their expectations and habits, and respect the things that will and won’t hurt them.

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

Social media is a prominent part of our modern lives, whether we personally engage with it on a regular basis or not. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, and any number of other platforms are available for people to post anything from their daily activities to political opinions to advertisements for their own businesses. It can be used to lift people up, celebrate life, and encourage a sense of community throughout the world. However, when not used respectfully, social media can also be a conduit to all kinds of hurt feelings and arguments.

This is especially true when social media is used (or even neglected) during a romantic relationship. During this session, we talked about some opinions regarding appropriate and inappropriate uses of social media during a relationship and what kinds of boundaries may need to be discussed between the parties involved.

When Is It Okay to Start Posting Your Significant Other? Is there a Right or Wrong Timeline?

In terms of actual time, there is no set right or wrong time to start posting about your significant other. For some couples, they might feel comfortable with it right away. For others, they might prefer to keep certain things private until the relationship has developed a solid foundation. Generally speaking, the only “right” time to start posting your significant other is when both you and your S.O. are ready to take that step.

That being said, it all comes down to knowing where your comfort level is with social media. Some people prefer to stay off of it or only post certain impersonal things on it while others like to post constant updates on what they’re doing, who they’re with, and where they are. If you’re with someone who is fairly active on social media, but they don’t seem interested in posting about you (unless you specifically asked them not to), that might be a red flag that needs to be discussed. After all, if they’re willing to post pictures of themselves with all of their friends, but you’ve been together for a while and they still don’t post pictures or statuses about you, what is that saying about how they see the relationship?

But even this might not be a negative factor in some relationships. If a person decides not to post anything about their romantic life, and their significant other doesn’t have a problem with that, then it works for that couple. Again, as long as both parties are being respectful and feeling respected, there is no overall right or wrong decision or timeline.

What Is the Difference Between Privacy and Secrecy?

Privacy in terms of relationships and social media could best be described as people knowing of the relationship, but not being privy to all of the personal details of it. For example, Person A and Person B are dating and their friends and family know it, but they don’t know anything about that couple’s personal life, their dating habits, their sex life, their fights and makeups, etc. Privacy tends to focus on respecting both individuals in the relationship and respecting the relationship itself.

Secrecy, however, is centered around not wanting people to know about the relationship at all. Someone keeping a relationship or significant other secret from social media is usually doing so because they want to hide something, and is often born of dishonesty and lack of respect for both the other person in the relationship and the relationship itself. If you’re seeing someone who seems adamantly against your relationship being shared on social media, you might want to have an open and frank discussion with them about why that is.

What Is Non-Negotiable When It Comes to Social Media?

The only thing that can be declared as “non-negotiable” across the board is respect. When it comes to things like following an ex, liking or commenting on pictures belonging to people outside of the relationship, and other behaviors, it’s going to be up to the individuals in the relationship to decide if that’s acceptable or not. If one or both people are uncomfortable with it, then it’s a non-negotiable behavior and doesn’t need to happen. But if those comments and those likes are just about lifting other people up and the other person in the relationship feels like they’re still being respected and getting the attention they should be, it might not be such a problem.

Should Social Media Be a Conversation When Dating? Is It Important to Discuss Your Standards When It Comes to Social Media?

It might not be as big of a deal as other topics, like whether or not you want kids, what your career goals are, and what kind of relationship you’re interested in. However, if you notice that the person you’re dating is constantly on social media and they’re doing something that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable, it’s worth having at least an opening conversation about comfort levels. Some things you’ll be able to know right off the bat by seeing how frequently they post on social media before you start dating and during the beginning of the relationship, so this is a good time to figure out what you are and aren’t okay with and bring it up as needed.

Would You Be Mad If Your Significant Other Didn’t Post About You For Your Birthday?

A birthday is a big deal in a relationship, especially if a couple has been together for a while before that birthday rolls around. Posting about your significant other’s birthday should probably be a priority regardless of your habits if only because you only have the chance to once a year. Not to mention, it’ll mean all that much more to your S.O. if you’re not very active on the internet, but you make the effort to post for their birthday.

But, again, every couple is different. Birthdays aren’t a big deal to everybody, and if you wouldn’t be bothered by your S.O. not posting for yours, then no harm no foul. Know your significant other well enough to be able to make the choice for yourself, but it’s probably best to go that extra mile for them on that particular day if you’re unsure.

Is Your Significant Other Required to Like Your Pictures?

We know it feels good when the person you’re in a romantic relationship with (or even just romantically interested in!) like or love reacts to your selfies. It makes us feel attractive, loved, and like they’re proud to be with us. But whether or not they should be required to like your photos is something that will go back to what their normal habits are on social media. If they’re out there liking and commenting on other people’s photos (particularly photos of the opposite sex, or same sex in the case of same-sex couples) but they’re not showing you the same attention, that warrants some discussion because that’s going to lead to hurt feelings and jealousy. But if they just don’t do very much on social media, it might not be that big of a deal if they’re not liking every selfie you post.

If Your Significant Other Has Multiple Social Media Accounts, Are They Required to Post You On All Media and Do You Need to Be Friends With Them Across All Platforms?

While it might not make sense for someone to be “required” to post about their significant other across all of their social media platforms, it would certainly be worth knowing why if there are one or two accounts that they specifically don’t want to post their S.O. on. If it’s just a matter of one account being solely for business or blogging purposes, then it would make sense not to be posting relationship material on those accounts. However, if it’s just because there are certain people on one account that the person doesn’t want seeing their S.O., that may be cause for concern.

Do You Feel Your Relationship Isn’t Real If It’s Not Displayed On Social Media?

A relationship doesn’t exist through social media, it exists in the lives of the people in it. However, if transparency through social media is important to one half of the couple, it may be a deal-breaker if the other half is unwilling to share the relationship on their social media platforms. This is going to be different for each couple and should be treated as a matter of respect, just like the above topics.

However, even if that transparency is important to you, it’s worth keeping in mind that you want your significant other to treat you better in real life than they do on social media, and how they handle your relationship off-screen is far more important than how it’s displayed for others to view. Social Media Can Impact Your Relationship In Positive/Negative

Ways If:

Positive You use it to lift each other up You express pride in your significant other through it You consistently show respect for your significant other in the way you use it

Negative You’re dishonest or disrespectful in your social media habits You keep secret accounts or say hurtful things about your S.O. in your direct messages You let jealousy or secrecy get in the way of constructive and respectful communication with each other.

5 Takeaways

• Discuss your comfort level with your partner regarding social media. If you don’t want them posting certain things or want them to avoid certain behaviors, make that known so that they know what will and won’t be a problem.

• Consider waiting until the relationship has a solid foundation before posting each other in general. Make it a sort of milestone to reach, because once you share that information with social media, it’s there for the world to see and comment on.

• Be mindful of your partner’s habits. If they don’t do very much on the internet outside of the relationship, it wouldn’t be fair to expect them to do a whole lot more within the relationship. In the reverse, though, it might be cause for concern if they post about every other aspect of their life aside from you.

• Know the difference between privacy and secrecy and act accordingly. Some people don’t like posting about their personal life in general, but that doesn’t mean they’re keeping you a secret.

• Respect! Respect! Respect! Talk to each other, know where the other person is coming from with their expectations and habits, and respect the things that will and won’t hurt them.

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

The post 17 -The Impact of Social Media and it’s effects on Relationships appeared first on On Everyone's Lips (O.E.L Show).

Models are in our lives from the moment we can start to see and understand the world around us, from billboards and magazines to commercials on TV. They show us just how beautiful the human body can be, and they share that beauty with us in a wide variety of ways. The only problem is, the vast majority of the modeling industry is overrun by highly exclusionary standards that keep models who don’t fit a certain “mold” from having the same opportunities as those who do.

In a world where beauty is as varied as the human form, but only a very small percentage of human bodies are represented in mass media, how can models find success and fulfillment in their careers? We interviewed the stunning Miss Thee Danielle Baker, a beautiful and inspiring model who has found success in spite of the resistance she’s encountered along the way.

Not only has she written two books (Your Life Is Your Runway and Model Behavior: Get Coached, Get Booked, Get Paid) and led a fantastic modeling career, she has also risen as a motivational coach, sharing her own stories and encouraging her fellow human beings to embrace their beauty and pursue their dreams. Below are some of the topics we covered with this incredible woman and her thoughts on them.

(more…)

Thee Danielle Baker Interview

Models are in our lives from the moment we can start to see and understand the world around us, from billboards and magazines to commercials on TV. They show us just how beautiful the human body can be, and they share that beauty with us in a wide variety of ways. The only problem is, the vast majority of the modeling industry is overrun by highly exclusionary standards that keep models who don’t fit a certain “mold” from having the same opportunities as those who do.

In a world where beauty is as varied as the human form, but only a very small percentage of human bodies are represented in mass media, how can models find success and fulfillment in their careers? We interviewed the stunning Miss Thee Danielle Baker, a beautiful and inspiring model who has found success in spite of the resistance she’s encountered along the way.

Not only has she written two books (Your Life Is Your Runway and Model Behavior: Get Coached, Get Booked, Get Paid) and led a fantastic modeling career, she has also risen as a motivational coach, sharing her own stories and encouraging her fellow human beings to embrace their beauty and pursue their dreams. Below are some of the topics we covered with this incredible woman and her thoughts on them.

(more…)

The post 16 – How To Become A Successful Model – Thee Danielle Baker Interview appeared first on On Everyone's Lips (O.E.L Show).

Entrepreneurship is part of the American Dream, and is something that many of us aspire to when we have something we’re passionate about. Unfortunately, not everyone has been given access to the knowledge and resources needed in order to turn those concepts into reality. One of those resources is the capital you need to get your business off the ground, and CJ Wallace, real estate investor and business credit consultant, had a lot of advice to share about how to turn those dreams into profitable businesses without negatively impacting your own credit score.

How is Business Credit Different From Personal Credit?

Personal credit relies on your social security number and your own personal credit report to determine your creditworthiness. If you have poor credit, you’re much less likely to be approved for a loan or credit application. Even if you’re approved, chances are high that you’re not going to get the amount of credit access you need or the APR or interest rate you might hope for. Those with low credit scores also often have to pay additional fees to maintain their account or annual fees to get started.

However, unsecured business credit cards (AKA credit cards that require no deposit or collateral) do not rely on your personal scores or your social security number. Instead, what you would provide is an EIN (Employer Identification Number). Rather than your approval being dependent on your own credit score, it would rely on the legitimacy and profitability of your business and would have no bearing on your credit score whatsoever! This approval is, however, a 7 step process that any start-up or brand new business can obtain without having any profits as of yet. That 7-step process is outlined in detail below.

Another huge difference between personal credit and business credit is how each is reported and improved upon. For example, personal credit scores range between 300-850 and information on it lasts a full 7 years unless forcibly removed by a creditor or the credit bureaus. Your business credit score (or Paydex) ranges between 0-100 and cycles annually. In other words, you could raise your Paydex score from 0 to 100 in as little as 6 to 9 months by following the 7-step program above.

The final major difference between unsecured business credit cards and unsecured personal credit cards is the fact that business credit primarily cares about your payment history. If you’re making at least your minimum monthly payments on time every single month, you should never have to worry about any negative impacts to your business credit account. With personal credit, you have to worry about your utilization percentage along with your payment history, how many hard inquiries have been made to your score, and several other factors that would have no bearing on your business whatsoever. Business credit allowances are often ten to a hundred times higher than what you might be approved for with a personal credit application, according to CJ Wallace.

Which Type of Business Entity Should I Set Up?

CJ Wallace recommends using an LLC (a Limited Liability Company) when you’re just starting out with your business. This type of business entity protects your personal assets so long as they are not in the LLC’s name. In other words, if your business is sued for some reason, your home, car, and anything else in your name (and not the LLC’s) are all protected.

That being said, you do need to provide your social security number in order to obtain an LLC since a business does, naturally, need to be legally attached to a person (or several people). Every proprietor of the business needs to have their social security numbers listed in the business in order to be a legitimate owner. However, that information is not used or needed when applying for actual business credit.

Can You Get Business Credit Without a Social Security Number? How?

You absolutely can! As explained above, a business credit application will not ask for or need your social security number. Instead, they will use the EIN and your DUNS (Data Universal Numbering System or Dun & Bradstreet) number to attach to your business credit account. Additional information they may ask for includes:

1.) Legal business name and address 2. ) What kind of business it is (salon, real estate, etc.) 3.) Contact information for the business (separate for personal contact information) 4.) Tax identification number (EIN and/or DUNS in this case) 5.) Annual business revenue and monthly expenses 6.) How long the business has existed

There may be some applications that ask you for your social security number, but you do not have to use it and you should avoid doing so altogether. Only use your EIN number for unsecured business credit card applications.

As Per Our Show on Velocity Banking, We Know It Helps to Pay Off Debts and Have Positive Cash Flow. Can Business Credit Be Used to Facilitate This Concept?

Using business credit to pay off personal debts and improve personal finances can actually be one of the best ways to implement the velocity banking concept. What’s wonderful about this idea is that your business credit line becomes that amount that you “borrow” from to pay down (or off) any personal debts you have. Doing so will automatically improve your cash flow, your credit score, and your lifestyle without negatively impacting the number of hard inquiries on your credit score or making it constantly fluctuate like it would if you pulled from a personal credit line.

If You Aren’t Using Your SSN, How Are You Obtaining Unsecured Credit Cards?

This is where it’s important to follow the steps that CJ Wallace outlines in our interview. Without following these steps, any business credit line you wind up being approved for is likely to be a fraction of what you may have been able to get otherwise. People will often start receiving offers in the mail for unsecured business credit cards at around $5,000. This is around a tenth of what you should expect to qualify for within the first year of opening your LLC..

The 7 steps in this program are:

1. Come up with a name for your business 2. Apply for a virtual address (through services like Davinci, Alliance, or Regus) 3. Apply for a virtual phone number (using a service like Vonage, Ring Central, or Freedom Voice) and register that phone number with a 411 directory service at http://www.listyourself.net/ListYourself/ 4. Apply for your LLC by Googling “department of state business licenses + [your state]” or go to http://www.mycorporation.com to have it done for you 5. Apply for an EIN number (which you can refer to https://oelshow.com/EIN for assistance) 6. Apply for a General Business License for your LLC or corporation 7. Finally, apply for 3 trade lines of credit or Net 30 accounts. Wallace recommends using Uline, Supply Works, and Grainger.

What Range Can You Expect to Receive in Unsecured Credit Card Limits When Your Business is About 9 Months to a Year Old?

According to CJ Wallace, you can typically expect that an unsecured business credit card will provide you with around $50,000 within your first year of business so long as you’re following the steps he has laid out for us. Without following those steps, you may mistakenly settle for a fraction of that credit line and sell yourself short. As your business grows, though, so will your credit line and the range of money you will have access to.

What is a Brick and Mortar Location?

A brick and mortar location, simply speaking, is an actual building with an address that you can use for your business as opposed to a post office box or other non-physical space. That being said, there are places referred to as “virtual offices” that can function as an actual location without requiring you to be paying for a lease, an electric bill, and all of the other hassles that come with owning a physical building. Virtual offices, like through Regus and Davinci (companies that offer virtual office solutions), allow you to use a physical space for meetings and conferences when necessary, provide telecommunication services, and a physical address which you can provide to credit companies and clients alike. The spaces are also fully furnished with office equipment and furniture you might need, and you can book these spaces at your convenience and for a very reasonable price (especially when compared with big-number costs like rent and utility bills).

You absolutely have to have a brick and mortar location in order to be approved for an unsecured business credit card. Without it, your application will be denied because home-based businesses or post office box addresses are not seen as legitimate business addresses. In fact, home-based start-up businesses are denied for business credit 99% of the time. Having a brick and mortar location (including a virtual office space) gives your business legitimacy in the eyes of lenders.

Can I Use This For Wealth Building, Like Buying Performing Assets? I.E. Real Estate Investing?

You can and should utilize this method to build your own wealth and that of your business. Use your credit line to acquire whatever materials, assets, real estate, etc. that you might need in order to get your business off the ground. Using your normal business practices, you should be able to turn those purchases into profits and put that money right back into both the credit line and your own pocket. This is an excellent way to build wealth and grow your business at the same time.

5 Takeaways about Obtaining Business Credit without an SSN

• Using business credit as a means to improve your personal debt situation is both legal and advisable so long as your business is pulling in the money to cover your monthly minimum payments.

• You can build your wealth with a business credit line by using it to pay off personal debts, improving your personal credit score by freeing up your credit availability and lowering debt with no negative impact to your business accounts beyond transfer of balances.

• Follow the steps! There are specific steps that you should take before applying for business credit, and applying before completing these steps can significantly lower your credit accessibility.

• Take the leap. A lot of people will have an idea but be afraid that, if they don’t have the money in their own pockets to get started, they won’t be able to get off the ground. This concept of business credit is exactly what you need in order to do so without bleeding yourself dry.

• If you have a great credit score, you can use that to add to your credit line accessibility, but it is not.

Resources

On CJ Youtube Channel you discover more videos explaining  the Business Credit Processing real estate investing and much much more.

• https://CJWallacellc.com

• CJ Wallace’s Youtube Channel

• CJ Facebook Page

• Sign of for CJ Business Credit How to Course Here

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

CJ Wallace Interview

Entrepreneurship is part of the American Dream, and is something that many of us aspire to when we have something we’re passionate about. Unfortunately, not everyone has been given access to the knowledge and resources needed in order to turn those concepts into reality. One of those resources is the capital you need to get your business off the ground, and CJ Wallace, real estate investor and business credit consultant, had a lot of advice to share about how to turn those dreams into profitable businesses without negatively impacting your own credit score.

How is Business Credit Different From Personal Credit?

Personal credit relies on your social security number and your own personal credit report to determine your creditworthiness. If you have poor credit, you’re much less likely to be approved for a loan or credit application. Even if you’re approved, chances are high that you’re not going to get the amount of credit access you need or the APR or interest rate you might hope for. Those with low credit scores also often have to pay additional fees to maintain their account or annual fees to get started.

However, unsecured business credit cards (AKA credit cards that require no deposit or collateral) do not rely on your personal scores or your social security number. Instead, what you would provide is an EIN (Employer Identification Number). Rather than your approval being dependent on your own credit score, it would rely on the legitimacy and profitability of your business and would have no bearing on your credit score whatsoever! This approval is, however, a 7 step process that any start-up or brand new business can obtain without having any profits as of yet. That 7-step process is outlined in detail below.

Another huge difference between personal credit and business credit is how each is reported and improved upon. For example, personal credit scores range between 300-850 and information on it lasts a full 7 years unless forcibly removed by a creditor or the credit bureaus. Your business credit score (or Paydex) ranges between 0-100 and cycles annually. In other words, you could raise your Paydex score from 0 to 100 in as little as 6 to 9 months by following the 7-step program above.

The final major difference between unsecured business credit cards and unsecured personal credit cards is the fact that business credit primarily cares about your payment history. If you’re making at least your minimum monthly payments on time every single month, you should never have to worry about any negative impacts to your business credit account. With personal credit, you have to worry about your utilization percentage along with your payment history, how many hard inquiries have been made to your score, and several other factors that would have no bearing on your business whatsoever. Business credit allowances are often ten to a hundred times higher than what you might be approved for with a personal credit application, according to CJ Wallace.

Which Type of Business Entity Should I Set Up?

CJ Wallace recommends using an LLC (a Limited Liability Company) when you’re just starting out with your business. This type of business entity protects your personal assets so long as they are not in the LLC’s name. In other words, if your business is sued for some reason, your home, car, and anything else in your name (and not the LLC’s) are all protected.

That being said, you do need to provide your social security number in order to obtain an LLC since a business does, naturally, need to be legally attached to a person (or several people). Every proprietor of the business needs to have their social security numbers listed in the business in order to be a legitimate owner. However, that information is not used or needed when applying for actual business credit.

Can You Get Business Credit Without a Social Security Number? How?

You absolutely can! As explained above, a business credit application will not ask for or need your social security number. Instead, they will use the EIN and your DUNS (Data Universal Numbering System or Dun & Bradstreet) number to attach to your business credit account. Additional information they may ask for includes:

1.) Legal business name and address 2. ) What kind of business it is (salon, real estate, etc.) 3.) Contact information for the business (separate for personal contact information) 4.) Tax identification number (EIN and/or DUNS in this case) 5.) Annual business revenue and monthly expenses 6.) How long the business has existed

There may be some applications that ask you for your social security number, but you do not have to use it and you should avoid doing so altogether. Only use your EIN number for unsecured business credit card applications.

As Per Our Show on Velocity Banking, We Know It Helps to Pay Off Debts and Have Positive Cash Flow. Can Business Credit Be Used to Facilitate This Concept?

Using business credit to pay off personal debts and improve personal finances can actually be one of the best ways to implement the velocity banking concept. What’s wonderful about this idea is that your business credit line becomes that amount that you “borrow” from to pay down (or off) any personal debts you have. Doing so will automatically improve your cash flow, your credit score, and your lifestyle without negatively impacting the number of hard inquiries on your credit score or making it constantly fluctuate like it would if you pulled from a personal credit line.

If You Aren’t Using Your SSN, How Are You Obtaining Unsecured Credit Cards?

This is where it’s important to follow the steps that CJ Wallace outlines in our interview. Without following these steps, any business credit line you wind up being approved for is likely to be a fraction of what you may have been able to get otherwise. People will often start receiving offers in the mail for unsecured business credit cards at around $5,000. This is around a tenth of what you should expect to qualify for within the first year of opening your LLC..

The 7 steps in this program are:

1. Come up with a name for your business 2. Apply for a virtual address (through services like Davinci, Alliance, or Regus) 3. Apply for a virtual phone number (using a service like Vonage, Ring Central, or Freedom Voice) and register that phone number with a 411 directory service at http://www.listyourself.net/ListYourself/ 4. Apply for your LLC by Googling “department of state business licenses + [your state]” or go to http://www.mycorporation.com to have it done for you 5. Apply for an EIN number (which you can refer to https://oelshow.com/EIN for assistance) 6. Apply for a General Business License for your LLC or corporation 7. Finally, apply for 3 trade lines of credit or Net 30 accounts. Wallace recommends using Uline, Supply Works, and Grainger.

What Range Can You Expect to Receive in Unsecured Credit Card Limits When Your Business is About 9 Months to a Year Old?

According to CJ Wallace, you can typically expect that an unsecured business credit card will provide you with around $50,000 within your first year of business so long as you’re following the steps he has laid out for us. Without following those steps, you may mistakenly settle for a fraction of that credit line and sell yourself short. As your business grows, though, so will your credit line and the range of money you will have access to.

What is a Brick and Mortar Location?

A brick and mortar location, simply speaking, is an actual building with an address that you can use for your business as opposed to a post office box or other non-physical space. That being said, there are places referred to as “virtual offices” that can function as an actual location without requiring you to be paying for a lease, an electric bill, and all of the other hassles that come with owning a physical building. Virtual offices, like through Regus and Davinci (companies that offer virtual office solutions), allow you to use a physical space for meetings and conferences when necessary, provide telecommunication services, and a physical address which you can provide to credit companies and clients alike. The spaces are also fully furnished with office equipment and furniture you might need, and you can book these spaces at your convenience and for a very reasonable price (especially when compared with big-number costs like rent and utility bills).

You absolutely have to have a brick and mortar location in order to be approved for an unsecured business credit card. Without it, your application will be denied because home-based businesses or post office box addresses are not seen as legitimate business addresses. In fact, home-based start-up businesses are denied for business credit 99% of the time. Having a brick and mortar location (including a virtual office space) gives your business legitimacy in the eyes of lenders.

Can I Use This For Wealth Building, Like Buying Performing Assets? I.E. Real Estate Investing?

You can and should utilize this method to build your own wealth and that of your business. Use your credit line to acquire whatever materials, assets, real estate, etc. that you might need in order to get your business off the ground. Using your normal business practices, you should be able to turn those purchases into profits and put that money right back into both the credit line and your own pocket. This is an excellent way to build wealth and grow your business at the same time.

5 Takeaways about Obtaining Business Credit without an SSN

• Using business credit as a means to improve your personal debt situation is both legal and advisable so long as your business is pulling in the money to cover your monthly minimum payments.

• You can build your wealth with a business credit line by using it to pay off personal debts, improving your personal credit score by freeing up your credit availability and lowering debt with no negative impact to your business accounts beyond transfer of balances.

• Follow the steps! There are specific steps that you should take before applying for business credit, and applying before completing these steps can significantly lower your credit accessibility.

• Take the leap. A lot of people will have an idea but be afraid that, if they don’t have the money in their own pockets to get started, they won’t be able to get off the ground. This concept of business credit is exactly what you need in order to do so without bleeding yourself dry.

• If you have a great credit score, you can use that to add to your credit line accessibility, but it is not.

Resources

On CJ Youtube Channel you discover more videos explaining  the Business Credit Processing real estate investing and much much more.

• https://CJWallacellc.com

• CJ Wallace’s Youtube Channel

• CJ Facebook Page

• Sign of for CJ Business Credit How to Course Here

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

The post 15 – Business credit without a Social Security Number – CJ Wallace Interview appeared first on On Everyone's Lips (O.E.L Show).

On this week’s episode of OEL the ladies interview Denzel Rodriguez, also known as “The Finance Geek”. Denzel is an expert on Velocity Banking and today he’ll discuss how to use velocity banking to pay off loans, build wealth and even start businesses. He explains the best ways to pay off debts and how to increase cash flow.

Denzel Rodriguez, is a financial expert whose YouTube channel has thousands of subscribers and millions of views thanks to his insights on velocity banking and financial repair. Denzel is a 23-year-old entrepreneur born and raised in Queens, New York by a single mother. From a young age, he felt compelled to learn about finances. While doing research on how to manage his family’s finances, Denzel discovered a method that he could use to become debt free, build credit and also increase his cash flow. After sharing this method with his mother, her finances began to improve and from then he decided to help others manage their finances based on what he’d learned. Currently, he is helping families across the United States and abroad manage their finances by using Velocity Banking, Infinite Banking, and Kingdom Authority in their household. Denzel credits his success and wisdom to God.

What Is Velocity Banking and Who Is It For

Velocity banking is the concept of transferring your (paycheck) income into a credit card account or HELOC (Home Equity Line of Credit) and pay down your debt. Velocity banking is a great concept to pay off debt quickly. To get started using velocity banking, you would need to have good credit to apply for a HELOC or a credit card with a significant credit limit, a positive cash flow and discipline to pay back borrowed money. To begin, you would use a maximum of 66% of your line of credit and pay off or pay down another debt that is an amortized loan as opposed to a line of credit.

• Positive Cash Flow: Income or money left over at the end of the month after your bills and expenses have been paid.

• Line of Credit: A debt that doesn’t make you responsible for the interest on the full amount. This type of debt functions as a checking account that you can withdraw from. You only accrue interest on the amount you owe. If you pay back the amount you owe before the account has had time to accrue interest, you can avoid paying interest altogether. Lines of credit consists of credit cards or a HELOC (Home Equity Line of Credit).

• Amortized Loan: A debt that uses “front-loaded” interest, meaning, you are responsible for the interest of the full loan from the beginning, regardless of how much you need or use i.e. Mortgage, student loan, car loan, and nearly anything that has a loan attached to it.

This method focuses on using less damaging debt (simple Interest credit lines) to pay off a high-interest debt (Amortize loans) without adding to the length of your loan period. Once you’ve made a lump sum payment to the amortized loan(s), you would then deposit your entire paycheck into the line of credit or credit card account and get rid of that monthly payment. You would then continue to use the line of credit as a checking account for your regular bills and expenses. Any leftover monies (cash flow) after you’ve paid your bills and expenses will count towards the repayment of the credit card. This method help’s you eliminate years’ worth of payments on the amortized loan(s), saving yourself large sums in interest payments.

What Happens to Your Existing Credit Card Payments When You Use This Method

You would continue to make your minimum payment combined with the bills you’re scheduled to pay and apply it to your balance. You’ll end up paying down the balance faster than if you were just making one large payment. You’ll lower the amount of interest you accrue while developing a consistent payment history. You’ll only be charged interest only on the statement balance.

How Can You Increase Your Credit Score Using Velocity Banking

You would only withdraw the amount needed to cover your current month’s bills and expenses.  Throughout the month, you’ll essentially be making multiple monthly payments. Your credit score fluctuates when using velocity banking. Creditors see you consistently paying down your balances and your credit score will increase, the bank now see you as credit worthy. Each time you withdraw money from your line of credit and deposit your paycheck, it’s reflected positively on your credit report. The more you use velocity banking the more your score will increase.

What Are Some Ways to Build Wealth with Velocity Banking

One of the great things about using velocity banking is that it continues to benefit you even after you’ve paid down your debts or paid them off completely. Once you have paid your other debts and increased your cash flow, you’re now ready to pay off that line of credit and create a separate savings account using your own money also known as Infinite Banking. Denzel refers to this as Phase 2 of velocity banking. You would build your savings to the point where you have a considerable amount to withdraw from, then use those savings to accrue interest for yourself, make investments, and make your money work for you!

What Happens When Lenders Do Not Accept Credit Cards as a Form of Payment

Finding ways to work around this is not a huge challenge, it’s up to the consumer to do the research prior to using velocity banking to ensure it’s the best route to go. One way around this is to calculate and split your bills. Pay only expenses that can be paid on a credit card, food, gas, utilities, etc. Loans that cannot be paid with a credit card can be paid through a company called Plastiq. Plastiq allows you to pay loans using a credit card; the downside is the 2.5% interest you’ll be charged for using the service. Square Up is another company that allows you to pay loans using credit card, they charge 2.6% interest, but you are essentially paying yourself.

What is Chunking

Chunking means the total amount of money you are using or borrowing from the Line of credit to pay another debt. Calculating your “chunk” is based on a few things: current cash flow, income, debt amount, and the monthly payments you are already making towards a debt(s) you have. For beginners, it’s important to know your numbers, acquire a line of credit, and know your chunk amount.

What Are Some Disqualifications to Someone Doing Velocity Banking

The biggest disqualifiers are low credit scores and a lack of cash flow. In order for someone to qualify for a HELOC, their credit score must be in good standing. Some individuals have a tough time building credit, or are unsure of how to recover from previous shortfalls. If your credit score is 600 or lower, you’re unlikely to be approved for a significant line of credit. Additionally, if you have negative cash flow (spend more than you make), or are right at zero each paycheck (spend exactly as much as you make), or have less than $500 available each month, than velocity banking may not work for you.

5 Takeaways about Velocity Banking

• Velocity banking is the concept of transferring your income into a credit card account or HELOC (Home Equity Line of Credit) and pay down your debt.

• The biggest dis-qualifiers for being able to rely on velocity banking are low credit scores and a lack of cash flow.

• Velocity banking works best for those with good credit score and positive cash flow.

• Chunking means the total amount of money you’re borrowing from the line of credit to pay another debt.

• Once you’ve paid down your debts and increased your cash flow, you’re now ready to pay off that line of credit and use a separate savings account using your own money

Resources

Denzel has several tutorials on velocity banking available on his YouTube channel and additional information can be found on his website:

• https://denzelrodriguez.com/

• Denzel Rodriguez Youtube Channel

• Sign up for Denzel’s Velocity Banking Master Class Here

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

Denzel Rodriguez Interview

On this week’s episode of OEL the ladies interview Denzel Rodriguez, also known as “The Finance Geek”. Denzel is an expert on Velocity Banking and today he’ll discuss how to use velocity banking to pay off loans, build wealth and even start businesses. He explains the best ways to pay off debts and how to increase cash flow.

Denzel Rodriguez, is a financial expert whose YouTube channel has thousands of subscribers and millions of views thanks to his insights on velocity banking and financial repair. Denzel is a 23-year-old entrepreneur born and raised in Queens, New York by a single mother. From a young age, he felt compelled to learn about finances. While doing research on how to manage his family’s finances, Denzel discovered a method that he could use to become debt free, build credit and also increase his cash flow. After sharing this method with his mother, her finances began to improve and from then he decided to help others manage their finances based on what he’d learned. Currently, he is helping families across the United States and abroad manage their finances by using Velocity Banking, Infinite Banking, and Kingdom Authority in their household. Denzel credits his success and wisdom to God.

What Is Velocity Banking and Who Is It For

Velocity banking is the concept of transferring your (paycheck) income into a credit card account or HELOC (Home Equity Line of Credit) and pay down your debt. Velocity banking is a great concept to pay off debt quickly. To get started using velocity banking, you would need to have good credit to apply for a HELOC or a credit card with a significant credit limit, a positive cash flow and discipline to pay back borrowed money. To begin, you would use a maximum of 66% of your line of credit and pay off or pay down another debt that is an amortized loan as opposed to a line of credit.

• Positive Cash Flow: Income or money left over at the end of the month after your bills and expenses have been paid.

• Line of Credit: A debt that doesn’t make you responsible for the interest on the full amount. This type of debt functions as a checking account that you can withdraw from. You only accrue interest on the amount you owe. If you pay back the amount you owe before the account has had time to accrue interest, you can avoid paying interest altogether. Lines of credit consists of credit cards or a HELOC (Home Equity Line of Credit).

• Amortized Loan: A debt that uses “front-loaded” interest, meaning, you are responsible for the interest of the full loan from the beginning, regardless of how much you need or use i.e. Mortgage, student loan, car loan, and nearly anything that has a loan attached to it.

This method focuses on using less damaging debt (simple Interest credit lines) to pay off a high-interest debt (Amortize loans) without adding to the length of your loan period. Once you’ve made a lump sum payment to the amortized loan(s), you would then deposit your entire paycheck into the line of credit or credit card account and get rid of that monthly payment. You would then continue to use the line of credit as a checking account for your regular bills and expenses. Any leftover monies (cash flow) after you’ve paid your bills and expenses will count towards the repayment of the credit card. This method help’s you eliminate years’ worth of payments on the amortized loan(s), saving yourself large sums in interest payments.

What Happens to Your Existing Credit Card Payments When You Use This Method

You would continue to make your minimum payment combined with the bills you’re scheduled to pay and apply it to your balance. You’ll end up paying down the balance faster than if you were just making one large payment. You’ll lower the amount of interest you accrue while developing a consistent payment history. You’ll only be charged interest only on the statement balance.

How Can You Increase Your Credit Score Using Velocity Banking

You would only withdraw the amount needed to cover your current month’s bills and expenses.  Throughout the month, you’ll essentially be making multiple monthly payments. Your credit score fluctuates when using velocity banking. Creditors see you consistently paying down your balances and your credit score will increase, the bank now see you as credit worthy. Each time you withdraw money from your line of credit and deposit your paycheck, it’s reflected positively on your credit report. The more you use velocity banking the more your score will increase.

What Are Some Ways to Build Wealth with Velocity Banking

One of the great things about using velocity banking is that it continues to benefit you even after you’ve paid down your debts or paid them off completely. Once you have paid your other debts and increased your cash flow, you’re now ready to pay off that line of credit and create a separate savings account using your own money also known as Infinite Banking. Denzel refers to this as Phase 2 of velocity banking. You would build your savings to the point where you have a considerable amount to withdraw from, then use those savings to accrue interest for yourself, make investments, and make your money work for you!

What Happens When Lenders Do Not Accept Credit Cards as a Form of Payment

Finding ways to work around this is not a huge challenge, it’s up to the consumer to do the research prior to using velocity banking to ensure it’s the best route to go. One way around this is to calculate and split your bills. Pay only expenses that can be paid on a credit card, food, gas, utilities, etc. Loans that cannot be paid with a credit card can be paid through a company called Plastiq. Plastiq allows you to pay loans using a credit card; the downside is the 2.5% interest you’ll be charged for using the service. Square Up is another company that allows you to pay loans using credit card, they charge 2.6% interest, but you are essentially paying yourself.

What is Chunking

Chunking means the total amount of money you are using or borrowing from the Line of credit to pay another debt. Calculating your “chunk” is based on a few things: current cash flow, income, debt amount, and the monthly payments you are already making towards a debt(s) you have. For beginners, it’s important to know your numbers, acquire a line of credit, and know your chunk amount.

What Are Some Disqualifications to Someone Doing Velocity Banking

The biggest disqualifiers are low credit scores and a lack of cash flow. In order for someone to qualify for a HELOC, their credit score must be in good standing. Some individuals have a tough time building credit, or are unsure of how to recover from previous shortfalls. If your credit score is 600 or lower, you’re unlikely to be approved for a significant line of credit. Additionally, if you have negative cash flow (spend more than you make), or are right at zero each paycheck (spend exactly as much as you make), or have less than $500 available each month, than velocity banking may not work for you.

5 Takeaways about Velocity Banking

• Velocity banking is the concept of transferring your income into a credit card account or HELOC (Home Equity Line of Credit) and pay down your debt.

• The biggest dis-qualifiers for being able to rely on velocity banking are low credit scores and a lack of cash flow.

• Velocity banking works best for those with good credit score and positive cash flow.

• Chunking means the total amount of money you’re borrowing from the line of credit to pay another debt.

• Once you’ve paid down your debts and increased your cash flow, you’re now ready to pay off that line of credit and use a separate savings account using your own money

Resources

Denzel has several tutorials on velocity banking available on his YouTube channel and additional information can be found on his website:

• https://denzelrodriguez.com/

• Denzel Rodriguez Youtube Channel

• Sign up for Denzel’s Velocity Banking Master Class Here

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

The post 14 -What is Velocity Banking… and Is it Right For You? – Denzel Rodriguez Interview appeared first on On Everyone's Lips (O.E.L Show).

On this week’s episode of OEL the ladies interview credit expert Carolyn Warren. Carolyn has more than 20 years’ experience working in the financial industry. During this interview they will discuss the importance of credit maintenance and repair. She explains the best ways to pay off debts and raise your credit score.

Carolyn worked as a mortgage broker and a wholesale mortgage account executive for some of the nation’s largest lenders. She was also a sales representative for Correct Credit Company, Inc. Carolyn is the author of Repair Your Credit like the Pros, Build and Protect Your Credit Like the Pros, Mortgage Rip-offs and Money Savers, and Home Buyers Beware. Her passion is helping people improve their credit, save money, and reach their dreams of home ownership.

As soon as we enter the adult world, we’re taught how credit affects us. Credit is any arrangement where you buy goods or services now but you agree to pay later. Your credit is one of the most important facets of your personal finances. Credit is important because it enables you to borrow money when you need it. Nearly every aspect of our financial lives: from our ability to purchase a car or house, to credit cards and loans, and even to temporary housing like apartment applications revolve around credit. Unfortunately, without proper education on how to manage credit, it can be relatively easy to damage your credit score. Once your credit is damaged, it can be difficult to repair, however, getting a 500+ credit score back into the 7-800s is far from impossible. Credit experts like Carolyn Warren teaches us how to manage and repair our credit.

What is a Credit Score?

A credit score is “a number between 350 and 850 that tells a creditor or a lender how risky it is to lend you money or give you a credit card.” This number was formulated by an engineer and mathematician, Bill Fair and Earl Isaac in 1956. They wanted a non-discriminatory way to determine a person’s creditworthiness. Banks and other lenders needed to know if a person can be trusted to pay back a loan. That decision should never be made on a basis of gender, disability, religion, race, or any other prejudicial factor. Fair and Isaac created the Fair Isaac Corporation (FICO) to provide a fair and legitimate score to each individual.

Who Are the Three Main Credit Bureaus?

Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion are the three credit bureaus. They use the scores to determine whether or not you are worth the lending risk. These bureaus are not government agencies, they are private companies that do not regularly communicate with each other. Banks and other financial institutions are not required to  report to these agencies, and doing so actually costs them money. Financial institutions may choose to report to them, each agency might have a different report for the same individual. Sometimes mistakes are made when credit agencies update your report, which is why it’s so important to monitor your credit reports. If a mistake is causing a derogatory remark on your report, contact the agencies to have it corrected.

Skip to: 21:18 What is the difference between a FICO score and a Vantage Score

What’s the Difference between your FICO Score and your Vantage Score?

The Vantage Score was created by the three major credit bureaus in an attempt to make credit scores more accurate than the FICO score. When it was originally developed, the score ranged from 300-950. This new system was causing too much confusion between individuals and lending institutions, so they’ve since changed it back to 850. Most banks and mortgage lenders continue to use the FICO score and choose not to look at your Vantage Score. It’s best to assume that your FICO score is what will be used to determine your credit worthiness.

What Are the Best Ways to Build Your Credit Score?

If you’re trying to establish credit, it’s best to start with a secured credit card. This means you deposit a set amount of money towards your credit line (for example: if you deposit $300 your credit limit would be $300), the bank has direct collateral if you were to miss a payment. If you pay off your entire balance each month instead of just the minimum payments, this shows creditors that you’re being responsible with your finances and they can trust you.

What Are Some Ways in Which Your Credit Score Can Affect You?

People with low credit scores are likely to have even higher insurance premiums than people with DUIs and serious traffic infractions. In one study, a person with no tickets was paying around $400 more per year for their car insurance because they had a low credit score than a person who was caught driving under the influence. A low credit score indicates to lenders that you are a high-risk borrower and they may not be willing to lend you. Creditors and lenders make you pay for this risk by charging you a higher interest rate. If you’re approved with a bad credit score, you’ll pay more in interest over time than you would if you had better credit and a better interest rate.

What Are the Best Ways to Obtain Your Credit Report?

The best way to obtain your credit report is to write a letter to the credit bureaus and request a copy. When obtaining your report online, and agree to the terms and conditions you waive several of your rights in return for quick results. It’s always best to put everything in writing.

How Long Does Debt and Derogatory Remarks Stay on Your Credit Report

Debts and derogatory remarks can stay on your credit report for a maximum of 7 years. Additionally, bankruptcies can stay on your credit report for a maximum of 10 years. Creditors have the option to report debts to the credit bureaus for the full 7 years, therefore you have the option to contact the credit reporting agencies and request that they remove the marks from your report. The longer a mark stays on your credit report, the less weight it has on your score.

What Debts Should Be Tackled First?

It’s best to pay down any and all revolving debts first, this primarily includes your credit cards. These can have a higher negative impact on your credit because they can continue to affect you all your life as opposed to installment loans like student loans and medical debts that have an end date. It’s best to make your payments regularly and on-time and pay down your credit card debt before tackling other larger balances.

When deciding which credit card to pay down first, it’s generally best to start with the one has the highest APR. The more you pay on interest, the more money you wind up paying in the long run. You should list your credit cards from highest APR to lowest. Once you’ve paid one off, take the money you were applying to it each month and snowball it into the payment you’re applying to the next card. This is the easiest and fastest way to pay off your revolving debts without needing to start off with giant lump sum payments.

What Are Some Ways to Maintain Good Credit?

Never shut down all of your cards. Closing your credit card accounts means that nothing is actively reporting to the credit bureaus. When there is no score to report you have no credit and banks will not approve you for a mortgage or car loan. It’s best to pay down your balances and use the credit cards a few times a year and immediately pay them off. This way creditors won’t automatically close your credit card account due to inactivity.

Should You Use Credit Repair Companies?

There are a few factors to keep in mind when considering a credit repair company. Always ask what the percentage of negative accounts and remarks they remove. If the answer is anything other than 0%, do not use that company. There’s no sense in hiring a company that will only remove negative debt and remarks temporarily.

If you don’t feel like you can trust a credit repair company you can try removing derogatory remarks on your own. This can be done by filing a dispute with the credit bureaus or contacting your creditors and ask them remove the remarks from your report. If you go through the credit bureaus, they will decide if what you’re disputing is accurate or fraudulent and then remove it. If the creditor does not verify that the negative remark or account is accurate in a timely manner, the credit bureau will permanently remove the derogatory mark from your report.

Bankruptcies have to be 100% accurate in order to be removed. Credit bureaus often do not communicate with the courts, choosing instead they go through third parties to file. Because of this, there are sometimes errors on bankruptcy reports. According to fair credit reporting laws, bankruptcies must be removed if they are found to be incorrect. Never lie about having had a bankruptcy on your report when filling out loan applications. Even if it’s not currently on your report, mortgage lenders and other financial institutions have ways of finding out if you’ve ever filed bankruptcy.

RESOURCES

Skip to: 01:18:02 What Credit Repair Companies would you recommend for those of us who do not want to repair their credit themselves

There are several companies dedicated to assisting people with credit repair. These companies assist in finding programs and resources to help consumers educate themselves on the importance of credit. Among those are:

• THD Credit Consulting– Mr. Erik Kaplan, Owner and Credit Specialist-800-822-7120\

• US. Best Credit Solutions– Danny Harbin, Credit Specialist-469-447-7631 (They will handle Bankruptcies and School Loans)

• Correct Credit Company, Inc.- Mr. Pat Fasano, Owner and Credit Specialist-732-657-8800

For more information on credit repair or additional resources please visit Carolyn’s website at https://askcarolynwarren.com/

5 Takeaways about Credit Health

• You can connect with Carolyn through Facebook or her website.

• Never shut down or close credit card accounts, pay them down and keep them active

• Communicate with your creditors to see what options are available for removing your derogatory remarks from your credit report

• Manage your credit cards, If you charge something to your credit card make sure it’s something you’ll be able to pay it back fairly quickly

• Keep your revolving debts low 30% utilization rate (lower that 7-10% if you want excellent credit)

• The best way to obtain your credit report is to write a letter to the credit bureaus and request a copy

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

Carolyn Warren Interview

On this week’s episode of OEL the ladies interview credit expert Carolyn Warren. Carolyn has more than 20 years’ experience working in the financial industry. During this interview they will discuss the importance of credit maintenance and repair. She explains the best ways to pay off debts and raise your credit score.

Carolyn worked as a mortgage broker and a wholesale mortgage account executive for some of the nation’s largest lenders. She was also a sales representative for Correct Credit Company, Inc. Carolyn is the author of Repair Your Credit like the Pros, Build and Protect Your Credit Like the Pros, Mortgage Rip-offs and Money Savers, and Home Buyers Beware. Her passion is helping people improve their credit, save money, and reach their dreams of home ownership.

As soon as we enter the adult world, we’re taught how credit affects us. Credit is any arrangement where you buy goods or services now but you agree to pay later. Your credit is one of the most important facets of your personal finances. Credit is important because it enables you to borrow money when you need it. Nearly every aspect of our financial lives: from our ability to purchase a car or house, to credit cards and loans, and even to temporary housing like apartment applications revolve around credit. Unfortunately, without proper education on how to manage credit, it can be relatively easy to damage your credit score. Once your credit is damaged, it can be difficult to repair, however, getting a 500+ credit score back into the 7-800s is far from impossible. Credit experts like Carolyn Warren teaches us how to manage and repair our credit.

What is a Credit Score?

A credit score is “a number between 350 and 850 that tells a creditor or a lender how risky it is to lend you money or give you a credit card.” This number was formulated by an engineer and mathematician, Bill Fair and Earl Isaac in 1956. They wanted a non-discriminatory way to determine a person’s creditworthiness. Banks and other lenders needed to know if a person can be trusted to pay back a loan. That decision should never be made on a basis of gender, disability, religion, race, or any other prejudicial factor. Fair and Isaac created the Fair Isaac Corporation (FICO) to provide a fair and legitimate score to each individual.

Who Are the Three Main Credit Bureaus?

Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion are the three credit bureaus. They use the scores to determine whether or not you are worth the lending risk. These bureaus are not government agencies, they are private companies that do not regularly communicate with each other. Banks and other financial institutions are not required to  report to these agencies, and doing so actually costs them money. Financial institutions may choose to report to them, each agency might have a different report for the same individual. Sometimes mistakes are made when credit agencies update your report, which is why it’s so important to monitor your credit reports. If a mistake is causing a derogatory remark on your report, contact the agencies to have it corrected.

Skip to: 21:18 What is the difference between a FICO score and a Vantage Score

What’s the Difference between your FICO Score and your Vantage Score?

The Vantage Score was created by the three major credit bureaus in an attempt to make credit scores more accurate than the FICO score. When it was originally developed, the score ranged from 300-950. This new system was causing too much confusion between individuals and lending institutions, so they’ve since changed it back to 850. Most banks and mortgage lenders continue to use the FICO score and choose not to look at your Vantage Score. It’s best to assume that your FICO score is what will be used to determine your credit worthiness.

What Are the Best Ways to Build Your Credit Score?

If you’re trying to establish credit, it’s best to start with a secured credit card. This means you deposit a set amount of money towards your credit line (for example: if you deposit $300 your credit limit would be $300), the bank has direct collateral if you were to miss a payment. If you pay off your entire balance each month instead of just the minimum payments, this shows creditors that you’re being responsible with your finances and they can trust you.

What Are Some Ways in Which Your Credit Score Can Affect You?

People with low credit scores are likely to have even higher insurance premiums than people with DUIs and serious traffic infractions. In one study, a person with no tickets was paying around $400 more per year for their car insurance because they had a low credit score than a person who was caught driving under the influence. A low credit score indicates to lenders that you are a high-risk borrower and they may not be willing to lend you. Creditors and lenders make you pay for this risk by charging you a higher interest rate. If you’re approved with a bad credit score, you’ll pay more in interest over time than you would if you had better credit and a better interest rate.

What Are the Best Ways to Obtain Your Credit Report?

The best way to obtain your credit report is to write a letter to the credit bureaus and request a copy. When obtaining your report online, and agree to the terms and conditions you waive several of your rights in return for quick results. It’s always best to put everything in writing.

How Long Does Debt and Derogatory Remarks Stay on Your Credit Report

Debts and derogatory remarks can stay on your credit report for a maximum of 7 years. Additionally, bankruptcies can stay on your credit report for a maximum of 10 years. Creditors have the option to report debts to the credit bureaus for the full 7 years, therefore you have the option to contact the credit reporting agencies and request that they remove the marks from your report. The longer a mark stays on your credit report, the less weight it has on your score.

What Debts Should Be Tackled First?

It’s best to pay down any and all revolving debts first, this primarily includes your credit cards. These can have a higher negative impact on your credit because they can continue to affect you all your life as opposed to installment loans like student loans and medical debts that have an end date. It’s best to make your payments regularly and on-time and pay down your credit card debt before tackling other larger balances.

When deciding which credit card to pay down first, it’s generally best to start with the one has the highest APR. The more you pay on interest, the more money you wind up paying in the long run. You should list your credit cards from highest APR to lowest. Once you’ve paid one off, take the money you were applying to it each month and snowball it into the payment you’re applying to the next card. This is the easiest and fastest way to pay off your revolving debts without needing to start off with giant lump sum payments.

What Are Some Ways to Maintain Good Credit?

Never shut down all of your cards. Closing your credit card accounts means that nothing is actively reporting to the credit bureaus. When there is no score to report you have no credit and banks will not approve you for a mortgage or car loan. It’s best to pay down your balances and use the credit cards a few times a year and immediately pay them off. This way creditors won’t automatically close your credit card account due to inactivity.

Should You Use Credit Repair Companies?

There are a few factors to keep in mind when considering a credit repair company. Always ask what the percentage of negative accounts and remarks they remove. If the answer is anything other than 0%, do not use that company. There’s no sense in hiring a company that will only remove negative debt and remarks temporarily.

If you don’t feel like you can trust a credit repair company you can try removing derogatory remarks on your own. This can be done by filing a dispute with the credit bureaus or contacting your creditors and ask them remove the remarks from your report. If you go through the credit bureaus, they will decide if what you’re disputing is accurate or fraudulent and then remove it. If the creditor does not verify that the negative remark or account is accurate in a timely manner, the credit bureau will permanently remove the derogatory mark from your report.

Bankruptcies have to be 100% accurate in order to be removed. Credit bureaus often do not communicate with the courts, choosing instead they go through third parties to file. Because of this, there are sometimes errors on bankruptcy reports. According to fair credit reporting laws, bankruptcies must be removed if they are found to be incorrect. Never lie about having had a bankruptcy on your report when filling out loan applications. Even if it’s not currently on your report, mortgage lenders and other financial institutions have ways of finding out if you’ve ever filed bankruptcy.

RESOURCES

Skip to: 01:18:02 What Credit Repair Companies would you recommend for those of us who do not want to repair their credit themselves

There are several companies dedicated to assisting people with credit repair. These companies assist in finding programs and resources to help consumers educate themselves on the importance of credit. Among those are:

• THD Credit Consulting– Mr. Erik Kaplan, Owner and Credit Specialist-800-822-7120\

• US. Best Credit Solutions– Danny Harbin, Credit Specialist-469-447-7631 (They will handle Bankruptcies and School Loans)

• Correct Credit Company, Inc.- Mr. Pat Fasano, Owner and Credit Specialist-732-657-8800

For more information on credit repair or additional resources please visit Carolyn’s website at https://askcarolynwarren.com/

5 Takeaways about Credit Health

• You can connect with Carolyn through Facebook or her website.

• Never shut down or close credit card accounts, pay them down and keep them active

• Communicate with your creditors to see what options are available for removing your derogatory remarks from your credit report

• Manage your credit cards, If you charge something to your credit card make sure it’s something you’ll be able to pay it back fairly quickly

• Keep your revolving debts low 30% utilization rate (lower that 7-10% if you want excellent credit)

• The best way to obtain your credit report is to write a letter to the credit bureaus and request a copy

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

The post 13 – Credit Repair Secrets 2019 – Carolyn Warren Interview appeared first on On Everyone's Lips (O.E.L Show).

Our dietary choices are the single biggest influence on our bodies. How we look, how we function, and how we feel are all heavily determined by what we consume, and yet we tend to worry less about the food we buy and eat than we do whenshopping for clothes. We’ve all heard of trends like juicing, detox teas, drinking six to eight glasses of water a day, etc., but many prefer to make more permanent lifestyle changes to get the full health benefits. These dietary lifestyles come in all kinds of variations, and each one has a label of its own.

Pescatarian, Vegetarian, Vegan, and Raw Vegan–What’s the Difference?

There are several different titles used to categorize the way people eat, and the most common ones that describe those who do not eat meat are:

Pescatarian – someone who may eat fish but won’t eat other animal muscle. An additional label they might use is “ovo-lacto,” which simply means that they will eat dairy and egg products as well.

Vegetarian – someone who eats no animal muscle whatsoever, but may still eat animal byproducts such as egg, dairy, and gelatin.

General vegan – someone who will eat none of the above. Anything that comes from or is otherwise produced by an animal is completely off-limits in a vegan diet.

Raw vegan – someone who will only eat things that are or were once alive (but are not animals), completely unprocessed. Another term used to describe “raw vegan” might be “plant-based” since their diets will typically consist of fruits, vegetables, nuts, fungi, and grains.

The primary differences between each label involve whether or not a person will eat certain animal byproducts as a rule. For some, this choice is based on personal beliefs about morality, finding the consumption and production of meat and animal products to be harmful to both living creatures and the environment. However, there are many who make this dietary change specifically because of the health benefits.

What Are the Health Benefits of a Vegan Diet?

The results may differ in specifics between individuals, but the overall consensus is that going vegan helps people sleep better, fight illness better, have more energy, and improve bodily functions such as digestion. Our guest speaker, Shelbee Williams, has even seen a documented improvement in her vision, which is truly impressive! When we consume products like dairy, we’re also consuming hormones that weren’t meant for human beings, which can have a serious impact on a young person’s growth (i.e. early blooming for women), which is a key factor in why people will choose to avoid animal milk in favor of nut, soy, or rice milks.

Is It Possible to Be Vegan While Pregnant?

It absolutely is, but it’s very important to do your research on what you may need to focus on, nutrient-wise. There are plenty of foods and vitamins that will be more than enough to give you a complete pregnancy diet.

Protein: Look no further than beans and nuts! Kidney beans, soybeans, and any number of tree nuts are a very easy way to replace the protein found in meat.

Calcium: This can be easily supplemented through leafy greens, soy milk, and other calcium-enriched products like milk substitutes and orange juice. Tofu is actually a good food for both protein and calcium, so it’s a great two-for-one deal!

Iron: An actual iron supplement is recommended in addition to iron-rich foods like spinach and kale, beans, edamame, pumpkin seeds, and dried fruits.

Vitamin B12: We’ve heard of the B12 shots and why they’re so popular–they help with energy, cognitive function, and even reducing headaches. But you can get the vitamin through fortified cereals and meat substitutes along with nutritional yeast.

Vitamin D: This vitamin you’ll likely need to rely on a supplement for. You can find Vitamin D in milk and fish in decent amounts, but the small amounts found in fortified foods like bread, soy milk, and orange juice aren’t going to be nearly enough. Even milk and fish likely wouldn’t be considered enough while pregnant, though, so your dietary preferences shouldn’t make much of a difference here.

What Stores Are Best for Non-GMO Products?

Farmer’s markets are always going to be your best bet for finding organic, non-GMO products to bring to your table, but even your bigger chains will have someone on staff who can point you in the direction of whatever non-GMO products they carry. The managers are supposed to know exactly how to answer those questions for you. Farmer’s markets are wonderful in that you can have real conversations with the farmers that are bringing you healthy and safe food. You can ask them exactly how they grow their crops, what pesticides they use (if any), and any other question that might help you decide where you feel safest buying your food.

How Do You Shop Vegan on a Budget?

The key to shopping vegan while remaining thrifty is buying in bulk! Shelbee Williams discusses how she uses mason jars to store large quantities of spices and herbs, nuts, and other goods so that she can both avoid dealing with processed packaging and take advantage of bulk prices. Believe it or not, eating vegan can be a lot less expensive than eating meats and animal byproducts! After all, all those frozen meals, meat packages, and processed foods are often more expensive than produce and nuts.

Before your next grocery run, do a search for cheap vegan recipes, make a list of ingredients, and see how much less you wind up spending on food that goes farther, is significantly healthier, and makes you feel worlds better than before!

What Are Some Alternatives for Popular Meals–Burgers, Wings, Sugar, Etc.?

There are all kinds of alternatives for meats, milk, and even sugar that are safe for vegans! The Beyond Meat brand is growing in the industry and it’s becoming a tried and true vegan replacement for meat. As for milk, you can use coconut, soy, rice, cashews, almonds…any number of milk alternatives exist, so you can try all kinds of different options until you find the one you enjoy the most. Even Starbucks has introduced soy, coconut, cashew, and almond milk alternatives for their famous blended beverages.

There are interesting recipes all over the Internet, including cauliflower BBQ wings, so you can find an alternative for just about any meal or ingredient that will be safe for you! For sugar, try agave, dates, raw honey and maple syrup, or stevia if you’re interested in something healthier.

How Should We Encourage Others to Embrace Veganism?

Ultimately, your own success will be the answer to this question. When you, yourself, are living vegan, you’re going to notice a significant increase in your energy, your health, and your happiness. All of these are noticeable improvements, so when people ask you what you’re doing that has you so upbeat and healthy, you can give them an easy answer. Veganism!

Unfortunately, there are a large number of vegans who act hatefully toward anyone who doesn’t embrace this lifestyle, which has given this dietary choice a bit of a stigma. It’s best not to put people down for the way they eat or their dietary preferences–instead, just educate them about yours! If someone asks, share what you’ve learned about your diet and how and why it has improved your daily life so drastically. This on its own should be enough to make someone curious enough to give it a shot since lack of information is a big part of what might be holding people back!

How Can You Live Vegan In Non-Dietary Ways, Like Bath Products and Makeup?

Buying handmade or homemade products is usually going to be the safest bet for bath products, and it isn’t difficult to find vegan-friendly makeup brands. Sometimes these can be a bit more expensive, but try contacting the brand’s customer service team directly and you can typically get a coupon from them to encourage brand loyalty. Burt’s Bees are recommended for your lips since their ingredients are natural and safe for your body, and there are plenty of other organic makeup lines. However, Shelbee Williams recommends using essential oils and all-natural products in your daily routine.

Essential Oils and Super foods You Should Introduce Into Your Daily Routine

Oil of Oregano – This oil is incredibly powerful, and it can be used to treat bacterial and fungal infections, reduce inflammation and provide antioxidants to the body, aid in the recovery of flesh wounds (dilute it first before applying it to the damaged skin), aid in weight loss and pain relief, and even fight cancer!

Grapefruit Seed Extract – This contains strong enzymes that function as antimicrobials and antioxidants and can be ingested or used externally. Clean your ears and nose with it or use it in laundry detergent and soaps.

Peppermint Oil – This is helpful in pain relief, reducing inflammation, and (of course) it smells wonderful! Use this in homemade toothpastes and mouthwashes.

Celery – Celery has been proven to reduce your blood pressure and is a healthy, water-packed snack.

Beets – These are vasodilators, which means they open your veins and help oxygen travel through the body.

Key Takeaways from This Episode

• Learn more about Raw Vegan Coach Shelbee Williams on her Instagram Account.

• Connect with Shelbee on her Facebook Page.

• Infuse your water with fruits for an easy way to add more flavor and nutrients to your diet.

• If you’re not ready to completely erase meat from your diet, try just having smaller portions. As Shelbee put it, make the meat your condiment and the plant-based part your main meal.

• Food is energy. If you’re eating food that makes you feel tired afterward, you’re probably not eating the right things for your body.

• “Eating beautiful makes you beautiful.” Nature provides a wide variety of beautiful, colorful foods packed with nutrients and flavor that are even visually appealing! Take a look at a rainbow salad–it’s hard not to want to eat something that looks so beautiful, and those kinds of meals will help keep you feeling and looking young and healthy.

• Eat to live, don’t live to eat. Feed your body the fuel it needs to do your life’s work instead of feeding it addictive chemicals that will sap your energy.

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

Benefits Living a Vegan Lifestyle

Our dietary choices are the single biggest influence on our bodies. How we look, how we function, and how we feel are all heavily determined by what we consume, and yet we tend to worry less about the food we buy and eat than we do whenshopping for clothes. We’ve all heard of trends like juicing, detox teas, drinking six to eight glasses of water a day, etc., but many prefer to make more permanent lifestyle changes to get the full health benefits. These dietary lifestyles come in all kinds of variations, and each one has a label of its own.

Pescatarian, Vegetarian, Vegan, and Raw Vegan–What’s the Difference?

There are several different titles used to categorize the way people eat, and the most common ones that describe those who do not eat meat are:

Pescatarian – someone who may eat fish but won’t eat other animal muscle. An additional label they might use is “ovo-lacto,” which simply means that they will eat dairy and egg products as well.

Vegetarian – someone who eats no animal muscle whatsoever, but may still eat animal byproducts such as egg, dairy, and gelatin.

General vegan – someone who will eat none of the above. Anything that comes from or is otherwise produced by an animal is completely off-limits in a vegan diet.

Raw vegan – someone who will only eat things that are or were once alive (but are not animals), completely unprocessed. Another term used to describe “raw vegan” might be “plant-based” since their diets will typically consist of fruits, vegetables, nuts, fungi, and grains.

The primary differences between each label involve whether or not a person will eat certain animal byproducts as a rule. For some, this choice is based on personal beliefs about morality, finding the consumption and production of meat and animal products to be harmful to both living creatures and the environment. However, there are many who make this dietary change specifically because of the health benefits.

What Are the Health Benefits of a Vegan Diet?

The results may differ in specifics between individuals, but the overall consensus is that going vegan helps people sleep better, fight illness better, have more energy, and improve bodily functions such as digestion. Our guest speaker, Shelbee Williams, has even seen a documented improvement in her vision, which is truly impressive! When we consume products like dairy, we’re also consuming hormones that weren’t meant for human beings, which can have a serious impact on a young person’s growth (i.e. early blooming for women), which is a key factor in why people will choose to avoid animal milk in favor of nut, soy, or rice milks.

Is It Possible to Be Vegan While Pregnant?

It absolutely is, but it’s very important to do your research on what you may need to focus on, nutrient-wise. There are plenty of foods and vitamins that will be more than enough to give you a complete pregnancy diet.

Protein: Look no further than beans and nuts! Kidney beans, soybeans, and any number of tree nuts are a very easy way to replace the protein found in meat.

Calcium: This can be easily supplemented through leafy greens, soy milk, and other calcium-enriched products like milk substitutes and orange juice. Tofu is actually a good food for both protein and calcium, so it’s a great two-for-one deal!

Iron: An actual iron supplement is recommended in addition to iron-rich foods like spinach and kale, beans, edamame, pumpkin seeds, and dried fruits.

Vitamin B12: We’ve heard of the B12 shots and why they’re so popular–they help with energy, cognitive function, and even reducing headaches. But you can get the vitamin through fortified cereals and meat substitutes along with nutritional yeast.

Vitamin D: This vitamin you’ll likely need to rely on a supplement for. You can find Vitamin D in milk and fish in decent amounts, but the small amounts found in fortified foods like bread, soy milk, and orange juice aren’t going to be nearly enough. Even milk and fish likely wouldn’t be considered enough while pregnant, though, so your dietary preferences shouldn’t make much of a difference here.

What Stores Are Best for Non-GMO Products?

Farmer’s markets are always going to be your best bet for finding organic, non-GMO products to bring to your table, but even your bigger chains will have someone on staff who can point you in the direction of whatever non-GMO products they carry. The managers are supposed to know exactly how to answer those questions for you. Farmer’s markets are wonderful in that you can have real conversations with the farmers that are bringing you healthy and safe food. You can ask them exactly how they grow their crops, what pesticides they use (if any), and any other question that might help you decide where you feel safest buying your food.

How Do You Shop Vegan on a Budget?

The key to shopping vegan while remaining thrifty is buying in bulk! Shelbee Williams discusses how she uses mason jars to store large quantities of spices and herbs, nuts, and other goods so that she can both avoid dealing with processed packaging and take advantage of bulk prices. Believe it or not, eating vegan can be a lot less expensive than eating meats and animal byproducts! After all, all those frozen meals, meat packages, and processed foods are often more expensive than produce and nuts.

Before your next grocery run, do a search for cheap vegan recipes, make a list of ingredients, and see how much less you wind up spending on food that goes farther, is significantly healthier, and makes you feel worlds better than before!

What Are Some Alternatives for Popular Meals–Burgers, Wings, Sugar, Etc.?

There are all kinds of alternatives for meats, milk, and even sugar that are safe for vegans! The Beyond Meat brand is growing in the industry and it’s becoming a tried and true vegan replacement for meat. As for milk, you can use coconut, soy, rice, cashews, almonds…any number of milk alternatives exist, so you can try all kinds of different options until you find the one you enjoy the most. Even Starbucks has introduced soy, coconut, cashew, and almond milk alternatives for their famous blended beverages.

There are interesting recipes all over the Internet, including cauliflower BBQ wings, so you can find an alternative for just about any meal or ingredient that will be safe for you! For sugar, try agave, dates, raw honey and maple syrup, or stevia if you’re interested in something healthier.

How Should We Encourage Others to Embrace Veganism?

Ultimately, your own success will be the answer to this question. When you, yourself, are living vegan, you’re going to notice a significant increase in your energy, your health, and your happiness. All of these are noticeable improvements, so when people ask you what you’re doing that has you so upbeat and healthy, you can give them an easy answer. Veganism!

Unfortunately, there are a large number of vegans who act hatefully toward anyone who doesn’t embrace this lifestyle, which has given this dietary choice a bit of a stigma. It’s best not to put people down for the way they eat or their dietary preferences–instead, just educate them about yours! If someone asks, share what you’ve learned about your diet and how and why it has improved your daily life so drastically. This on its own should be enough to make someone curious enough to give it a shot since lack of information is a big part of what might be holding people back!

How Can You Live Vegan In Non-Dietary Ways, Like Bath Products and Makeup?

Buying handmade or homemade products is usually going to be the safest bet for bath products, and it isn’t difficult to find vegan-friendly makeup brands. Sometimes these can be a bit more expensive, but try contacting the brand’s customer service team directly and you can typically get a coupon from them to encourage brand loyalty. Burt’s Bees are recommended for your lips since their ingredients are natural and safe for your body, and there are plenty of other organic makeup lines. However, Shelbee Williams recommends using essential oils and all-natural products in your daily routine.

Essential Oils and Super foods You Should Introduce Into Your Daily Routine

Oil of Oregano – This oil is incredibly powerful, and it can be used to treat bacterial and fungal infections, reduce inflammation and provide antioxidants to the body, aid in the recovery of flesh wounds (dilute it first before applying it to the damaged skin), aid in weight loss and pain relief, and even fight cancer!

Grapefruit Seed Extract – This contains strong enzymes that function as antimicrobials and antioxidants and can be ingested or used externally. Clean your ears and nose with it or use it in laundry detergent and soaps.

Peppermint Oil – This is helpful in pain relief, reducing inflammation, and (of course) it smells wonderful! Use this in homemade toothpastes and mouthwashes.

Celery – Celery has been proven to reduce your blood pressure and is a healthy, water-packed snack.

Beets – These are vasodilators, which means they open your veins and help oxygen travel through the body.

Key Takeaways from This Episode

• Learn more about Raw Vegan Coach Shelbee Williams on her Instagram Account.

• Connect with Shelbee on her Facebook Page.

• Infuse your water with fruits for an easy way to add more flavor and nutrients to your diet.

• If you’re not ready to completely erase meat from your diet, try just having smaller portions. As Shelbee put it, make the meat your condiment and the plant-based part your main meal.

• Food is energy. If you’re eating food that makes you feel tired afterward, you’re probably not eating the right things for your body.

• “Eating beautiful makes you beautiful.” Nature provides a wide variety of beautiful, colorful foods packed with nutrients and flavor that are even visually appealing! Take a look at a rainbow salad–it’s hard not to want to eat something that looks so beautiful, and those kinds of meals will help keep you feeling and looking young and healthy.

• Eat to live, don’t live to eat. Feed your body the fuel it needs to do your life’s work instead of feeding it addictive chemicals that will sap your energy.

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

The post 12 – What are the Benefits of Living A Vegan Lifestyle – Shelbee Williams Interview appeared first on On Everyone's Lips (O.E.L Show).

Disability means a physical or mental condition that limits a person’s movements, senses, or activities. People have a tendency to form their own opinions of what a disabled person can or can’t do based on their own perceptions.

Trenesa Lee was born a paraplegic and has cerebral palsy in one hand, but she doesn’t let her disability stop her from living a normal life. She has a car, an assistant, a cook and a job. She’s been doing things without help since kindergarten. She travels around the city with little to no help from anyone. Trenesa takes pride in what she does and doesn’t let her disability slow her down. Trenesa has an amazing personality and an infectious spirit, people are naturally drawn to her.

Trenesa shared how her family wanted to shelter and protect her from the outside world, but something inside of her wanted to be free and explore the world outside her door. There have been times when she wanted to do things but they were frowned upon by her family. She gained her independence in 2006, when she spent 2 weeks at a rehabilitation center in Virginia. She said it not only helped her to become independent, but it confirmed what she already knew, which was, she was more than capable of taking care of herself.

Trenesa has always been an outgoing person and loves talking to people. She shared how people would ask about her disability and she freely shared her story. People prejudged her because of her disability thinking that it would get in the way of her doing “normal” things. She works at Walmart and takes pride in her job. The ladies asked if there was anything that slowed her down or prohibited her from exploring the world. She mentioned the challenge of navigating through some stored because they were not wheelchair accessible, other than that, she comes and goes as she pleases.

She was asked if there was anything that she missed or anything that she wished she could do. She answered, “no, everything I wanted to do I’ve already done”. She said, “You can’t miss what you’ve never had”. The ladies asked if she had any advice to offer, Trenesa said “don’t be afraid to step outside the box and do something different, you don’t know what you can do unless you try”

WHAT ARE SOME MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT DISABILITY?

There are a few misconceptions that disabled people face. People with disabilities live the same lives as you and I. Although, some ways of doing things may be a little bit different depending on the type and severity of the disability.

A few misconceptions are:

• Paralyzed people are confined to their wheelchair

• They live different lives than those that do not have a disability

• Disabled employees have a higher absentee rate

• It’s expensive to accommodate disables workers

• Certain jobs are more suited for people with disabilities

• People with disabilities cannot work fast paced jobs

• Disabled people are suitable for relationships

• Etc…..

It can be insulting to disabled person when they are treated different. There is an assumption that having a disability prevents you from doing everyday activities. They sometimes have to work a little harder to prove themselves. Society tends to place unnecessary labels on disabled people. Whatever limitations we may think are valid are not universal. It’s important to let the disabled person tell you what they can and cannot do, rather than deciding for them.

WHAT ARE SOME CHALLENGES PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES FACE?

Persons with disabilities are one of the most marginalized sectors of our society. They face more challenges than the average person. In addition to constantly having to remind people that they’re disability does not make them incapable of performing certain activities, they often find themselves discriminated against in their social lives and in the workplace. They sometimes find themselves dealing with:

• Issues with traveling

• Being teased and taunted

• Having to adapt to different environments

• An education and healthcare system that’s not inclusive

• Having to prove themselves to people

People are often surprised when a disabled person shows up to a party and or are able to hold down a full-time job. Unfortunately, invitations to social events and job opportunities are sometimes withheld from disabled people. Assumptions about a person’s capabilities based on your own insecurities is a common thing that people with disabilities face. This can be easily avoided if questions are asked and chances are given.

DOES GUILT AND ANGER PLAY A ROLE IN THE LIVES OF THE DISABLED?

Anger, guilt, depression, and fear are some emotions that everyone deals with, so it’s only natural for a disabled person to feel them as well. There’s nothing wrong with feeling those emotions, just as long as you don’t stay stuck in that dark place. Sometime you have to encourage yourself and do things that will ultimately make you happy. There may not always be someone around to cheer you up. It’s important to be your own cheerleader, and do not set limitations for yourself.

HOW ARE DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS AFFECTED BY DISABILITY

Physical and cognitive limitations don’t stop those with disabilities from enjoying dating and having meaningful, lasting elationships. Able bodied people shouldn’t assume that they’re a superior group of people and that people with disabilities are a charity case. They don’t need anyone to do anything special for them, so if you’re genuinely interested in them, great! But don’t act like you’re a saint for asking a disabled person out, you’re not doing them any special favors.

Disabled people have the same wants, needs and desires as an able bodied person. The person they’re dating should be aware that things may need to done in a different way. Yes, there may be things that have to be done differently, but love is not an emotion exclusive to the abled. You must come into the relationship with an open mind and be willing to learn new things. Adapting to a disabled persons lifestyle is something that abled bodied people have to do relationships.

Relationships in general are hard, the last thing a disabled person needs is to be prejudged or made to feel that they’re less significant than an able bodied person. At the end of the day, everyone wants to be loved. The success of the relationship has a more to do with personalities and less to do with disabilities.

RESOURCES

There are several organizations dedicated to assisting people with disabilities. These programs assist in finding programs and resources to help educate themselves and their loved ones. Among these are the Office of Disability Employment Policy (ODEP) and the American Association of People with Disabilities (AAPD). Additional information including assistance with housing, transportation, employment, healthcare, legal help, and other accommodations can be found at https://www.usa.gov/disabilityprograms. The Wilson Workforce and Rehabilitation Center in Fishersville, VA, also provide a variety of tools and skills to assist disabled people with living independently.

Having a disability shouldn’t prevent you from having the same opportunities as everyone else. We need more disabled people on TV as actors, news anchors, and entertainers, so people can see themselves represented in the media. There are also not nearly enough disabled people in office in the government on local, state, and federal levels, and the lack of representation has a major effect on programs and resources available. There are things that are done differently or may take longer to do, but it doesn’t mean they’re heroic or inspiring. If you want to be a supportive friend, coworker, or loved one, try and have a little patience, be open to learning new things and ask questions.

Having a disability shouldn’t prevent you from having the same opportunities as everyone else. We need more disabled people on TV as actors, news anchors, and entertainers, so people can see themselves represented in the media. There are also not nearly enough disabled people in office in the government on local, state, and federal levels, and the lack of representation has a major effect on programs and resources available. There are things that are done differently or may take longer to do, but it doesn’t mean they’re heroic or inspiring. If you want to be a supportive friend, coworker, or loved one, try and have a little patience, be open to learning new things and ask questions.

TAKEAWAYS

• Educate yourselves. Learn about their disability (either from them or doing research)

• C

• Don’t compare a person with a disability to a person without one.

• Don’t praise someone or call disabled people inspirational for doing everyday things, it’s insulting

• Encourage independence and avoid making assumptions about their capabilities

• They have needs and desires just as an able bodied person does

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

THINGS PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES WISH YOU KNEW

Disability means a physical or mental condition that limits a person’s movements, senses, or activities. People have a tendency to form their own opinions of what a disabled person can or can’t do based on their own perceptions.

Trenesa Lee was born a paraplegic and has cerebral palsy in one hand, but she doesn’t let her disability stop her from living a normal life. She has a car, an assistant, a cook and a job. She’s been doing things without help since kindergarten. She travels around the city with little to no help from anyone. Trenesa takes pride in what she does and doesn’t let her disability slow her down. Trenesa has an amazing personality and an infectious spirit, people are naturally drawn to her.

Trenesa shared how her family wanted to shelter and protect her from the outside world, but something inside of her wanted to be free and explore the world outside her door. There have been times when she wanted to do things but they were frowned upon by her family. She gained her independence in 2006, when she spent 2 weeks at a rehabilitation center in Virginia. She said it not only helped her to become independent, but it confirmed what she already knew, which was, she was more than capable of taking care of herself.

Trenesa has always been an outgoing person and loves talking to people. She shared how people would ask about her disability and she freely shared her story. People prejudged her because of her disability thinking that it would get in the way of her doing “normal” things. She works at Walmart and takes pride in her job. The ladies asked if there was anything that slowed her down or prohibited her from exploring the world. She mentioned the challenge of navigating through some stored because they were not wheelchair accessible, other than that, she comes and goes as she pleases.

She was asked if there was anything that she missed or anything that she wished she could do. She answered, “no, everything I wanted to do I’ve already done”. She said, “You can’t miss what you’ve never had”. The ladies asked if she had any advice to offer, Trenesa said “don’t be afraid to step outside the box and do something different, you don’t know what you can do unless you try”

WHAT ARE SOME MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT DISABILITY?

There are a few misconceptions that disabled people face. People with disabilities live the same lives as you and I. Although, some ways of doing things may be a little bit different depending on the type and severity of the disability.

A few misconceptions are:

• Paralyzed people are confined to their wheelchair

• They live different lives than those that do not have a disability

• Disabled employees have a higher absentee rate

• It’s expensive to accommodate disables workers

• Certain jobs are more suited for people with disabilities

• People with disabilities cannot work fast paced jobs

• Disabled people are suitable for relationships

• Etc…..

It can be insulting to disabled person when they are treated different. There is an assumption that having a disability prevents you from doing everyday activities. They sometimes have to work a little harder to prove themselves. Society tends to place unnecessary labels on disabled people. Whatever limitations we may think are valid are not universal. It’s important to let the disabled person tell you what they can and cannot do, rather than deciding for them.

WHAT ARE SOME CHALLENGES PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES FACE?

Persons with disabilities are one of the most marginalized sectors of our society. They face more challenges than the average person. In addition to constantly having to remind people that they’re disability does not make them incapable of performing certain activities, they often find themselves discriminated against in their social lives and in the workplace. They sometimes find themselves dealing with:

• Issues with traveling

• Being teased and taunted

• Having to adapt to different environments

• An education and healthcare system that’s not inclusive

• Having to prove themselves to people

People are often surprised when a disabled person shows up to a party and or are able to hold down a full-time job. Unfortunately, invitations to social events and job opportunities are sometimes withheld from disabled people. Assumptions about a person’s capabilities based on your own insecurities is a common thing that people with disabilities face. This can be easily avoided if questions are asked and chances are given.

DOES GUILT AND ANGER PLAY A ROLE IN THE LIVES OF THE DISABLED?

Anger, guilt, depression, and fear are some emotions that everyone deals with, so it’s only natural for a disabled person to feel them as well. There’s nothing wrong with feeling those emotions, just as long as you don’t stay stuck in that dark place. Sometime you have to encourage yourself and do things that will ultimately make you happy. There may not always be someone around to cheer you up. It’s important to be your own cheerleader, and do not set limitations for yourself.

HOW ARE DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS AFFECTED BY DISABILITY

Physical and cognitive limitations don’t stop those with disabilities from enjoying dating and having meaningful, lasting elationships. Able bodied people shouldn’t assume that they’re a superior group of people and that people with disabilities are a charity case. They don’t need anyone to do anything special for them, so if you’re genuinely interested in them, great! But don’t act like you’re a saint for asking a disabled person out, you’re not doing them any special favors.

Disabled people have the same wants, needs and desires as an able bodied person. The person they’re dating should be aware that things may need to done in a different way. Yes, there may be things that have to be done differently, but love is not an emotion exclusive to the abled. You must come into the relationship with an open mind and be willing to learn new things. Adapting to a disabled persons lifestyle is something that abled bodied people have to do relationships.

Relationships in general are hard, the last thing a disabled person needs is to be prejudged or made to feel that they’re less significant than an able bodied person. At the end of the day, everyone wants to be loved. The success of the relationship has a more to do with personalities and less to do with disabilities.

RESOURCES

There are several organizations dedicated to assisting people with disabilities. These programs assist in finding programs and resources to help educate themselves and their loved ones. Among these are the Office of Disability Employment Policy (ODEP) and the American Association of People with Disabilities (AAPD). Additional information including assistance with housing, transportation, employment, healthcare, legal help, and other accommodations can be found at https://www.usa.gov/disabilityprograms. The Wilson Workforce and Rehabilitation Center in Fishersville, VA, also provide a variety of tools and skills to assist disabled people with living independently.

Having a disability shouldn’t prevent you from having the same opportunities as everyone else. We need more disabled people on TV as actors, news anchors, and entertainers, so people can see themselves represented in the media. There are also not nearly enough disabled people in office in the government on local, state, and federal levels, and the lack of representation has a major effect on programs and resources available. There are things that are done differently or may take longer to do, but it doesn’t mean they’re heroic or inspiring. If you want to be a supportive friend, coworker, or loved one, try and have a little patience, be open to learning new things and ask questions.

Having a disability shouldn’t prevent you from having the same opportunities as everyone else. We need more disabled people on TV as actors, news anchors, and entertainers, so people can see themselves represented in the media. There are also not nearly enough disabled people in office in the government on local, state, and federal levels, and the lack of representation has a major effect on programs and resources available. There are things that are done differently or may take longer to do, but it doesn’t mean they’re heroic or inspiring. If you want to be a supportive friend, coworker, or loved one, try and have a little patience, be open to learning new things and ask questions.

TAKEAWAYS

• Educate yourselves. Learn about their disability (either from them or doing research)

• C

• Don’t compare a person with a disability to a person without one.

• Don’t praise someone or call disabled people inspirational for doing everyday things, it’s insulting

• Encourage independence and avoid making assumptions about their capabilities

• They have needs and desires just as an able bodied person does

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

The post 11 – What people with disabilities wish you knew – Trenesa Lee Interview appeared first on On Everyone's Lips (O.E.L Show).

Autism Spectrum Disorder is a broad term used to describe those with a variety of social and physical challenges, including but not limited to an inability to understand social cues, compulsively repetitive behaviors (both verbal and nonverbal), and overall difficulty with communication. There is no one way to identify the disorder since it presents itself differently in each individual, but there are certain things to look for if a parent believes that their child may be affected.

1. Sensory Sensitivity – This is one of the most common challenges an autistic individual may face. Sights, sounds, smells, physical touches–any of these sensations may suddenly and inexplicably become overwhelming to the point of distress. Something as simple as a ticking clock or a particular color of light may be extremely physically and mentally uncomfortable and result in screaming, crying, and escape attempts from the affected individual. It’s important to pay close attention to what causes these episodes, as they could be regular triggers.

2. Gastrointestinal (GI) Disorders – GI disorders are not uncommon for people on the spectrum. Diarrhea, constipation, and frequent heartburn often accompany other signs, and it’s important to discuss treatments for these with a doctor as necessary for the sake of the affected individual’s comfort and lifestyle.

3. Seizures and Sleep Disorders – Epilepsy affects 1 in 4 autistic children and is characterized by a brief loss of consciousness, abnormal staring or movements, and bodily convulsions. Seizures often go hand in hand with sleep disorders, as lack of sleep can be a trigger for epileptic episodes. They may also be induced by high fevers.

4. Mental Health Challenges – The above challenges can all contribute to and be a result of anxiety, depression, and difficulties with attention. It can become a vicious cycle, a bout of painful heartburn causing a tantrum, the tantrum stressing the body into worse pain, etc. Counseling from professionals trained specifically in the disorder can be life-changing for both the autistic child and the child’s parents.

WHAT SHOULD PARENTS LOOK FOR?

Every child presents uniquely, but some behaviors can be key indicators that the child is on the spectrum. An inability or refusal to make eye contact, lack of interest in surroundings even if someone is speaking to them interacting with them, and repetitive behaviors that continue far longer than seems socially appropriate are all fairly recognizable traits that may suggest a child is autistic.

WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENT SPECTRUM’S?

Ultimately, there aren’t true defined “spectrum’s” anymore. Even Asperger’s Syndrome–which is characterized by normal logic-based intelligence but impaired emotional intelligence, a tendency to be very literal in their language (idioms often go misunderstood), and obsessive desires to have things in a certain order–is still simply considered as being on the Autism spectrum. What differentiates one autistic person from another comes down to heir ability to function independently. How well do they communicate? Can they perform necessary daily tasks like feeding, bathing, and clothing themselves? How well do they handle the emotions of others? Some may be very high-functioning to the point that strangers won’t even realize they’re on the spectrum. Others cannot communicate, verbally or non-verbally, at all.

ARE VACCINATIONS LINKED TO AUTISM?

While there is not an actual link between vaccinations and Autism specifically, Dr. Dianah Lake recommends only giving a child two vaccines at a time. Combining a large number of vaccinations at a time runs a higher risk of causing adverse effects, even if that simply amounts to a fever. That being said, a child is not safe from diseases like measles, mumps, chickenpox, etc. just because most of their peers have been vaccinated. There have been several outbreaks of dangerous diseases because of the decision not to be vaccinated, and children that contract those diseases are defenseless against them.

ER Doctor & Fitness Coach: Dr. Dianah Lake

IS AUTISM HEREDITARY?

There is currently no clear indicator suggesting that Autism is genetic. Studies have shown certain commonalities in changes to genes between autistic individuals, but nothing that conclusively proves that those changes appear only in people with Autism Spectrum Disorder.

MEETING MILESTONES

Every 2-year-old is supposed to have a checkup with their pediatrician that involves going through a checklist of milestones they should be reaching at that age. Walking, talking, using utensils, and other important developmental milestones help to indicate if a child is impaired or struggling in ways that need to be addressed.

CAN THOSE ON THE SPECTRUM LIVE “NORMAL” LIVES?

It all depends on how high- or low-functioning they are and how well they’re able to adapt to the world around them. However, it also depends on how consistently their loved ones work on teaching or improving behaviors and skills. A nonverbal child may not remain nonverbal permanently, especially if their parents are actively working to improve their skills. Persistence is  crucial when it comes to teaching an autistic child how to communicate and complete tasks, and positive reinforcement like praise goes a long way toward preparing an autistic child to be independent.

RESOURCES FOR PARENTS

Autism Speaks – Autism Speaks is a national organization, and easily one of the most recognizable groups dedicated to educating the public about Autism Spectrum Disorder. Their website provides information about the disorder (what it is, how to recognize it, strengths and weaknesses associated with autistic people, etc.) along with an extensive resource library. The site’s resource guide allows you to select which state, territory, or Canadian Province you live in, the stage of life your child or loved one is in, and the level of care they require from “Some” to “Intensive.” It then gives you any agencies and resources it finds in categories like advocacies, Autism-friendly services, providers, recreational activities, schools, and support groups within your area.

American Autism Society – The American Autism Society is a huge information bank along with being a reliable resource for parents and loved ones. Along with the same kinds of services and information Autism Speaks provides, AAS also has a plethora of information on current legislation, education and employment laws, and other ways in which people on the spectrum and their loved ones can arm themselves with knowledge and ensure they have as many opportunities as possible.

504 Plan – This program provides specific accommodations for a child with special needs, and can be extremely helpful when ensuring positive and productive experiences within a classroom.

IEP Plan – The Individualized Education Program helps parents formulate a plan tailor-made for their child. There will be meetings in which families can revisit and edit that plan based on the child’s progress or additional needs along the way, and can include specific ways a teacher should interact with the child along with other needs.

Understood.org – This website provides a wonderful support network for parents raising a child with Autism Spectrum Disorder. It shares information about schools that have programs for or otherwise cater to children with special needs, groups in the community who can offer support, and other helpful resources. Pathfinders For Autism (Baltimore) – This group is specifically within Baltimore, MD, and serves as a support network for families raising a child on the spectrum.

Helpful Tips

1. Seek Education – If you’re reading this, you’re already on the right track. The best way you can help your children, your friends, your acquaintances, or even yourself is to learn everything you can about Autism. Be careful with your sources, though, and make sure that what you absorb is based on scientific evidence and findings rather than personal or political opinion. The above resources are reliable and have helped countless families improve their loved one’s quality of life.

2. Pay Attention – Once you’ve educated yourself and can identify the signs, pay attention to the way someone acts. If they do or say something that seems “off,” think about the reasons why. Did they ignore me because they don’t care, or because they can’t interact the way people not on the spectrum do? Did this person say something hurtful and move on like it was nothing because they meant to be rude, or because they don’t understand social cues or have the same kind of emotional intelligence as others? Asking these questions can help you recognize when someone may be on the spectrum, and once you know, you might find that you have more patience or understanding for odd behaviors.

3. Be Patient – As said above, knowing why someone acts differently can be a big factor in knowing how to react in kind. It can be easy to get frustrated when talking to someone who doesn’t get their attention and questions go ignored. Repetitive behaviors like making a sound or kicking something nonstop can be infuriating for everyone around. People on the spectrum need to be shown patience and understanding, especially if they’re genuinely trying to communicate something important.

4. Be Consistent and Supportive – If you have a child on the spectrum or regularly interact with someone on the spectrum, consistently try to encourage healthy behaviors. Work with them every day and let that repetition and praise for successes motivate them to keep trying until they improve. Though children on the spectrum may struggle with communication and social cues, they understand how it feels when they succeed, and you have the power to help them experience that time and time again

Key Takeaways from This Episode

• Learn more about Dr. Dianah Lake on her website.

• Connect with Oshun on her Instagram Account  & Facebook Page.

• Education and patience is a must when dealing with children that have autism.

• The sooner you catch a child on the spectrum the better equipped you and your child will be.

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

WHAT IS AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDER?

Autism Spectrum Disorder is a broad term used to describe those with a variety of social and physical challenges, including but not limited to an inability to understand social cues, compulsively repetitive behaviors (both verbal and nonverbal), and overall difficulty with communication. There is no one way to identify the disorder since it presents itself differently in each individual, but there are certain things to look for if a parent believes that their child may be affected.

1. Sensory Sensitivity – This is one of the most common challenges an autistic individual may face. Sights, sounds, smells, physical touches–any of these sensations may suddenly and inexplicably become overwhelming to the point of distress. Something as simple as a ticking clock or a particular color of light may be extremely physically and mentally uncomfortable and result in screaming, crying, and escape attempts from the affected individual. It’s important to pay close attention to what causes these episodes, as they could be regular triggers.

2. Gastrointestinal (GI) Disorders – GI disorders are not uncommon for people on the spectrum. Diarrhea, constipation, and frequent heartburn often accompany other signs, and it’s important to discuss treatments for these with a doctor as necessary for the sake of the affected individual’s comfort and lifestyle.

3. Seizures and Sleep Disorders – Epilepsy affects 1 in 4 autistic children and is characterized by a brief loss of consciousness, abnormal staring or movements, and bodily convulsions. Seizures often go hand in hand with sleep disorders, as lack of sleep can be a trigger for epileptic episodes. They may also be induced by high fevers.

4. Mental Health Challenges – The above challenges can all contribute to and be a result of anxiety, depression, and difficulties with attention. It can become a vicious cycle, a bout of painful heartburn causing a tantrum, the tantrum stressing the body into worse pain, etc. Counseling from professionals trained specifically in the disorder can be life-changing for both the autistic child and the child’s parents.

WHAT SHOULD PARENTS LOOK FOR?

Every child presents uniquely, but some behaviors can be key indicators that the child is on the spectrum. An inability or refusal to make eye contact, lack of interest in surroundings even if someone is speaking to them interacting with them, and repetitive behaviors that continue far longer than seems socially appropriate are all fairly recognizable traits that may suggest a child is autistic.

WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENT SPECTRUM’S?

Ultimately, there aren’t true defined “spectrum’s” anymore. Even Asperger’s Syndrome–which is characterized by normal logic-based intelligence but impaired emotional intelligence, a tendency to be very literal in their language (idioms often go misunderstood), and obsessive desires to have things in a certain order–is still simply considered as being on the Autism spectrum. What differentiates one autistic person from another comes down to heir ability to function independently. How well do they communicate? Can they perform necessary daily tasks like feeding, bathing, and clothing themselves? How well do they handle the emotions of others? Some may be very high-functioning to the point that strangers won’t even realize they’re on the spectrum. Others cannot communicate, verbally or non-verbally, at all.

ARE VACCINATIONS LINKED TO AUTISM?

While there is not an actual link between vaccinations and Autism specifically, Dr. Dianah Lake recommends only giving a child two vaccines at a time. Combining a large number of vaccinations at a time runs a higher risk of causing adverse effects, even if that simply amounts to a fever. That being said, a child is not safe from diseases like measles, mumps, chickenpox, etc. just because most of their peers have been vaccinated. There have been several outbreaks of dangerous diseases because of the decision not to be vaccinated, and children that contract those diseases are defenseless against them.

ER Doctor & Fitness Coach: Dr. Dianah Lake

IS AUTISM HEREDITARY?

There is currently no clear indicator suggesting that Autism is genetic. Studies have shown certain commonalities in changes to genes between autistic individuals, but nothing that conclusively proves that those changes appear only in people with Autism Spectrum Disorder.

MEETING MILESTONES

Every 2-year-old is supposed to have a checkup with their pediatrician that involves going through a checklist of milestones they should be reaching at that age. Walking, talking, using utensils, and other important developmental milestones help to indicate if a child is impaired or struggling in ways that need to be addressed.

CAN THOSE ON THE SPECTRUM LIVE “NORMAL” LIVES?

It all depends on how high- or low-functioning they are and how well they’re able to adapt to the world around them. However, it also depends on how consistently their loved ones work on teaching or improving behaviors and skills. A nonverbal child may not remain nonverbal permanently, especially if their parents are actively working to improve their skills. Persistence is  crucial when it comes to teaching an autistic child how to communicate and complete tasks, and positive reinforcement like praise goes a long way toward preparing an autistic child to be independent.

RESOURCES FOR PARENTS

Autism Speaks – Autism Speaks is a national organization, and easily one of the most recognizable groups dedicated to educating the public about Autism Spectrum Disorder. Their website provides information about the disorder (what it is, how to recognize it, strengths and weaknesses associated with autistic people, etc.) along with an extensive resource library. The site’s resource guide allows you to select which state, territory, or Canadian Province you live in, the stage of life your child or loved one is in, and the level of care they require from “Some” to “Intensive.” It then gives you any agencies and resources it finds in categories like advocacies, Autism-friendly services, providers, recreational activities, schools, and support groups within your area.

American Autism Society – The American Autism Society is a huge information bank along with being a reliable resource for parents and loved ones. Along with the same kinds of services and information Autism Speaks provides, AAS also has a plethora of information on current legislation, education and employment laws, and other ways in which people on the spectrum and their loved ones can arm themselves with knowledge and ensure they have as many opportunities as possible.

504 Plan – This program provides specific accommodations for a child with special needs, and can be extremely helpful when ensuring positive and productive experiences within a classroom.

IEP Plan – The Individualized Education Program helps parents formulate a plan tailor-made for their child. There will be meetings in which families can revisit and edit that plan based on the child’s progress or additional needs along the way, and can include specific ways a teacher should interact with the child along with other needs.

Understood.org – This website provides a wonderful support network for parents raising a child with Autism Spectrum Disorder. It shares information about schools that have programs for or otherwise cater to children with special needs, groups in the community who can offer support, and other helpful resources. Pathfinders For Autism (Baltimore) – This group is specifically within Baltimore, MD, and serves as a support network for families raising a child on the spectrum.

Helpful Tips

1. Seek Education – If you’re reading this, you’re already on the right track. The best way you can help your children, your friends, your acquaintances, or even yourself is to learn everything you can about Autism. Be careful with your sources, though, and make sure that what you absorb is based on scientific evidence and findings rather than personal or political opinion. The above resources are reliable and have helped countless families improve their loved one’s quality of life.

2. Pay Attention – Once you’ve educated yourself and can identify the signs, pay attention to the way someone acts. If they do or say something that seems “off,” think about the reasons why. Did they ignore me because they don’t care, or because they can’t interact the way people not on the spectrum do? Did this person say something hurtful and move on like it was nothing because they meant to be rude, or because they don’t understand social cues or have the same kind of emotional intelligence as others? Asking these questions can help you recognize when someone may be on the spectrum, and once you know, you might find that you have more patience or understanding for odd behaviors.

3. Be Patient – As said above, knowing why someone acts differently can be a big factor in knowing how to react in kind. It can be easy to get frustrated when talking to someone who doesn’t get their attention and questions go ignored. Repetitive behaviors like making a sound or kicking something nonstop can be infuriating for everyone around. People on the spectrum need to be shown patience and understanding, especially if they’re genuinely trying to communicate something important.

4. Be Consistent and Supportive – If you have a child on the spectrum or regularly interact with someone on the spectrum, consistently try to encourage healthy behaviors. Work with them every day and let that repetition and praise for successes motivate them to keep trying until they improve. Though children on the spectrum may struggle with communication and social cues, they understand how it feels when they succeed, and you have the power to help them experience that time and time again

Key Takeaways from This Episode

• Learn more about Dr. Dianah Lake on her website.

• Connect with Oshun on her Instagram Account  & Facebook Page.

• Education and patience is a must when dealing with children that have autism.

• The sooner you catch a child on the spectrum the better equipped you and your child will be.

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

The post 10 – Raising A Child with Autism Spectrum Disorder – Dr. Dianah Lake Interview appeared first on On Everyone's Lips (O.E.L Show).

Marriage has been a hot topic of conversation for millennia, but people’s standards and expectations for their relationships are ever-changing and -evolving. From how long it’s appropriate to be in the dating stages before marriage is discussed, to how long it’s acceptable to be in a committed relationship before a ring is produced, opinions can widely vary. However, in terms of what matters to each individual relationship, it comes down to knowing your own values and those of your partner.

WHEN SHOULD MARRIAGE BE DISCUSSED?

Every couple has their own unique pace, so there won’t be a single answer to this question. It helps to know how serious both parties are about the relationship as quickly as possible and to make sure that expectations for the relationship match up. If one person is wanting to get married, settle down, and start a family within three to five years of starting to date, but the other party is genuinely not interested in marriage at all, it’s best for everyone involved if this is discovered early on. That way, the pair can decide if it’s worth going any deeper into the relationship before time is wasted and hearts are broken, idealistically speaking.

That being said, is it possible to bring up the idea of marriage too soon? Again, that will depend on the situation. For example, if you’re in a setting specifically designed to help pair people into romantic relationships such as speed dating or online dating sites and apps, it would be significantly less surprising for that information to be offered and asked for freely. In fact, dating profiles will often ask what kind of relationship you’re looking for (casual, serious, none, etc.) right off the bat.

However, if your dating relationship began in a more traditional sense, there may not be an organic way to approach the topic right away. If that’s the case, there’s no need to hurry into a potentially awkward conversation. Wait until at least one person feels like they could see a long-term future with the other. Then, that person can bring up the subject of marriage and/or life partnerships in a moment that feels appropriate. This conversation is important, though, so try not to put it off for too long. You don’t want to be years into a relationship only to find out that you both have different end goals in mind.

HOW LONG IS TOO LONG TO WAIT FOR A RING?

If you and your partner have had “The Talk” as described above, and you’ve agreed that you’re on the same page with each other, the next step is getting to that point in the relationship when you feel like “This is the person I want to share my life with.” Traditionally, the man will buy and propose with an engagement ring when he’s reached that point. But what if the girlfriend has been ready for that step for a long time now and there has been no progress made by the boyfriend? How long is too long to wait before it becomes a matter of “wasting time”?

The answer may change depending on what the relationship status and end goals are. If there are already children in the relationship, there may be less of a feeling of urgency when it comes to actually getting married since the ticking clock of motherhood isn’t a factor (or, at the very least, is probably less of one). Men don’t have the same kind of time constraint that women do when it comes to bearing children, and if having kids is important to a woman, that can be a huge deciding factor in how long she’s willing to wait for a man to propose. If the girlfriend has not had a child yet, but having one is a defined life goal for her, she’ll likely want to get started on having a family as soon as she’s decided that her significant other is “The One.”

IS GETTING MARRIED EVERYONE’S END GOAL?

From another perspective, though, the wait might not be an issue at all. In fact, a growing number of couples don’t have marriage in their plans at all. If a couple is in a committed and faithfully loving relationship with each other, but neither party is interested in the legality of marriage, should their relationship be viewed as any less legitimate than someone who has been married more than once? Or less legitimate than any married couple at all? When looked at from a legal and religious perspective, it comes down to a reciprocated pact that one person makes with another–a promise to be loving, faithful, supportive, and true to your spouse no matter what may come. While this covenant was meant to be sacred, rising divorce rates support the argument that marrying your significant other may be no more permanent than a tattoo that can be lasered off. If that’s the case, shouldn’t the couple who has remained faithful to each other for years, even decades, without getting married be shown the same respect as a couple celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary?

SHOULD MARRIAGE LICENSES REQUIRE REGULAR RENEWALS LIKE OTHER LICENSES?

Derrick Jaxn gave us a lot to consider with his proposition of license renewals. If we had to renew our marriage licenses on a regular basis, would we take the relationship with our spouse a bit more seriously? Or, in the worst-case scenarios, would it make necessary separations just a little less painful? Suppose you have to renew your vows yearly for the first five years, then once at your ten-year, then again every decade thereafter. On top of celebrating your anniversaries, this may provide a great opportunity for couples to sit down and talk about their relationship with one another, discussing the good, the bad, the bearable, and the intolerable so that issues are dressed and successes are illuminated. Granted, it’s also possible that this would bring about higher divorce rates (or, perhaps “marriage expiration rates” would be more fitting here), but it would likely place a much higher value on the long-term marriage rather than just the one-time wedding event.

SHOULD YOU WAIT FOR THE RING?

To reiterate, there is no generalized right or wrong answer to this question, but there is a right or wrong answer for you. If you’re someone who knows that the ring, the wedding, and the family are all goals that you hold dear to your heart, and you’ve been given every reason to believe that your partner is on the same page, you might not want to wait as long as someone else. Some food for thought to take away from this topic includes:

Takeaways:

1. A happy middle ground answer for “how long to wait before expecting a ring” appears to be anywhere between two and five years into the relationship.

2. If you’re less worried about time constraints, waiting longer isn’t a bad thing! Time flies when you’re an adult, and even more so when you’re in a relationship, so giving yourself an extra couple of years to make sure that there are no deal-breaking surprises lurking just around the corner.

3. Communication is absolutely key when you’re setting expectations for your relationship. Talk with your partner about your goals and make sure that they match up with each other’s.

4. Renewing your commitment, regardless of whether it’s required in the future or not, can be a beautiful and sweet way to revisit your goals with each other even after saying “I do.” You might find the practice helps improve communication and feelings toward one another.

5. Above all else, do what is right for you, regardless of what society expects of you. Find a partner who respects your happiness and encourages and supports you just as well as you encourage and support them. Waiting is only a bad thing when you feel like time has been wasted. If you’re happy in your relationship, then any extra time will only make you that much more confident if and when you finally take that leap into forever with your loved one.

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

How Long Should You Wait for an Engagement Ring?

Marriage has been a hot topic of conversation for millennia, but people’s standards and expectations for their relationships are ever-changing and -evolving. From how long it’s appropriate to be in the dating stages before marriage is discussed, to how long it’s acceptable to be in a committed relationship before a ring is produced, opinions can widely vary. However, in terms of what matters to each individual relationship, it comes down to knowing your own values and those of your partner.

WHEN SHOULD MARRIAGE BE DISCUSSED?

Every couple has their own unique pace, so there won’t be a single answer to this question. It helps to know how serious both parties are about the relationship as quickly as possible and to make sure that expectations for the relationship match up. If one person is wanting to get married, settle down, and start a family within three to five years of starting to date, but the other party is genuinely not interested in marriage at all, it’s best for everyone involved if this is discovered early on. That way, the pair can decide if it’s worth going any deeper into the relationship before time is wasted and hearts are broken, idealistically speaking.

That being said, is it possible to bring up the idea of marriage too soon? Again, that will depend on the situation. For example, if you’re in a setting specifically designed to help pair people into romantic relationships such as speed dating or online dating sites and apps, it would be significantly less surprising for that information to be offered and asked for freely. In fact, dating profiles will often ask what kind of relationship you’re looking for (casual, serious, none, etc.) right off the bat.

However, if your dating relationship began in a more traditional sense, there may not be an organic way to approach the topic right away. If that’s the case, there’s no need to hurry into a potentially awkward conversation. Wait until at least one person feels like they could see a long-term future with the other. Then, that person can bring up the subject of marriage and/or life partnerships in a moment that feels appropriate. This conversation is important, though, so try not to put it off for too long. You don’t want to be years into a relationship only to find out that you both have different end goals in mind.

HOW LONG IS TOO LONG TO WAIT FOR A RING?

If you and your partner have had “The Talk” as described above, and you’ve agreed that you’re on the same page with each other, the next step is getting to that point in the relationship when you feel like “This is the person I want to share my life with.” Traditionally, the man will buy and propose with an engagement ring when he’s reached that point. But what if the girlfriend has been ready for that step for a long time now and there has been no progress made by the boyfriend? How long is too long to wait before it becomes a matter of “wasting time”?

The answer may change depending on what the relationship status and end goals are. If there are already children in the relationship, there may be less of a feeling of urgency when it comes to actually getting married since the ticking clock of motherhood isn’t a factor (or, at the very least, is probably less of one). Men don’t have the same kind of time constraint that women do when it comes to bearing children, and if having kids is important to a woman, that can be a huge deciding factor in how long she’s willing to wait for a man to propose. If the girlfriend has not had a child yet, but having one is a defined life goal for her, she’ll likely want to get started on having a family as soon as she’s decided that her significant other is “The One.”

IS GETTING MARRIED EVERYONE’S END GOAL?

From another perspective, though, the wait might not be an issue at all. In fact, a growing number of couples don’t have marriage in their plans at all. If a couple is in a committed and faithfully loving relationship with each other, but neither party is interested in the legality of marriage, should their relationship be viewed as any less legitimate than someone who has been married more than once? Or less legitimate than any married couple at all? When looked at from a legal and religious perspective, it comes down to a reciprocated pact that one person makes with another–a promise to be loving, faithful, supportive, and true to your spouse no matter what may come. While this covenant was meant to be sacred, rising divorce rates support the argument that marrying your significant other may be no more permanent than a tattoo that can be lasered off. If that’s the case, shouldn’t the couple who has remained faithful to each other for years, even decades, without getting married be shown the same respect as a couple celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary?

SHOULD MARRIAGE LICENSES REQUIRE REGULAR RENEWALS LIKE OTHER LICENSES?

Derrick Jaxn gave us a lot to consider with his proposition of license renewals. If we had to renew our marriage licenses on a regular basis, would we take the relationship with our spouse a bit more seriously? Or, in the worst-case scenarios, would it make necessary separations just a little less painful? Suppose you have to renew your vows yearly for the first five years, then once at your ten-year, then again every decade thereafter. On top of celebrating your anniversaries, this may provide a great opportunity for couples to sit down and talk about their relationship with one another, discussing the good, the bad, the bearable, and the intolerable so that issues are dressed and successes are illuminated. Granted, it’s also possible that this would bring about higher divorce rates (or, perhaps “marriage expiration rates” would be more fitting here), but it would likely place a much higher value on the long-term marriage rather than just the one-time wedding event.

SHOULD YOU WAIT FOR THE RING?

To reiterate, there is no generalized right or wrong answer to this question, but there is a right or wrong answer for you. If you’re someone who knows that the ring, the wedding, and the family are all goals that you hold dear to your heart, and you’ve been given every reason to believe that your partner is on the same page, you might not want to wait as long as someone else. Some food for thought to take away from this topic includes:

Takeaways:

1. A happy middle ground answer for “how long to wait before expecting a ring” appears to be anywhere between two and five years into the relationship.

2. If you’re less worried about time constraints, waiting longer isn’t a bad thing! Time flies when you’re an adult, and even more so when you’re in a relationship, so giving yourself an extra couple of years to make sure that there are no deal-breaking surprises lurking just around the corner.

3. Communication is absolutely key when you’re setting expectations for your relationship. Talk with your partner about your goals and make sure that they match up with each other’s.

4. Renewing your commitment, regardless of whether it’s required in the future or not, can be a beautiful and sweet way to revisit your goals with each other even after saying “I do.” You might find the practice helps improve communication and feelings toward one another.

5. Above all else, do what is right for you, regardless of what society expects of you. Find a partner who respects your happiness and encourages and supports you just as well as you encourage and support them. Waiting is only a bad thing when you feel like time has been wasted. If you’re happy in your relationship, then any extra time will only make you that much more confident if and when you finally take that leap into forever with your loved one.

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

The post 09 – How long should you wait for an engagement Ring- Is Marriage still a goal? appeared first on On Everyone's Lips (O.E.L Show).

Music has been a major part of our lives for hundreds of years, but rap music has only been around for a few decades. Rap music is a way for artists to express how life really is. Rap is more than just music, it’s a culture. Rap gives the audience a chance to connect with their music. Rap is always evolving and we as an audience must decide where we want it to go. The sheer popularity of rap music makes it nearly impossible for it to not influence today’s culture.

On this week’s episode of OEL the ladies and their special guests rap enthusiast Donavan and Chauncey tackle rap music in today’s society.

The Evolution of Rap Music

Let’s take it back to the 80s-90s where you had to make demo tapes and take them to producers and radio stations in hopes of being offered a deal or agree to play your music. Today there are social media outlets like YouTube, Tik Tok, Instagram, Sound Cloud, Facebook, etc. where you can upload your music and build a following in a matter of days. It’s a free easy way to market yourself and become famous.

Back in the day rap was something that was hard to get into and even harder to stay in. Back then you couldn’t get by with just a fancy beat and some auto-tune, and you definitely couldn’t repeat the same lyrics 100 times in your song. In the 90s, you had artists like Biggie Smalls, Eminem, Nas and 2pac.These artists worked day and night to make sure their lyrics were on point. Back then rappers talked about real social issues in their songs. Rappers had a different style to their music. Their lyrics were clearer, the instrumentals had a lot of variety and you saw more groups together.

Rappers 2Pac, Biggie Smalls and Jay Z are recognized for changing mainstream music. Specifically with Jay Z, where you can track a steady evolution of his music and see where he’s pushed himself in terms of potential. With Biggie’s song, “Mo Money Mo Problems”, it was a song that was not only relatable to rap fans, but also worked well for a pop song. The track has a lot of singing and a variety of different artists to make the music more social.

The Current State of Rap Music

Today’s rap provides a little more diversity with its artists, there are more female rappers and younger artists appearing on the scene. Social media played a big influence on the rise of the female artist, making it easier for them to be accepted. Back in the day, there were few female rappers and most were used in features, not too many had their own records.

There’s no variety with modern day rap and it’s becomes less artistic. Everyone sounds the same, because sales are prioritized compared to actual songs. Today’s rap artists are afraid to take chances, and you don’t see too many rappers working with artists from different genres to add variety.

In the late 90s and 2000s rap was at its most competitive state and you would see artist’s freestyling to get a record deal. Freestyle rapping is spitting lyrics in ciphers (or alone) that you make up on the spot. Freestyling would showcase who was actually good and who needed to go back to the drawing board.

Too many rappers are coming into the game with little or no talent, they make millions because people today like the way the beat sounds and if they can dance to it. Many of today’s rappers tend to display a superficial image that most people idealize but can’t actually relate to. The lyrics have less reliability, with rappers talking about clubs, being with models and talking about how big their homes are. It’s an idealized lifestyle but not many of them talk about their struggles which make them relatable. The lifestyle of modern day rappers is completely different. It raises the question, do people today really care about the lyrics in rap music or are they too concerned dancing to the beat?

Another noticeable difference between old school and new school rap is storytelling. Today’s artist don’t tell stories, they don’t rap about struggles and relatable topics. Artist Eminem rapped about his struggles and his rise from poverty to fame. He is arguably one on the best rappers in the game and has been for many years. There are still artist that tell great stories but today’s culture only seem to care simple lyrics and a catchy beat. Most rappers today have become lazy with their instrumentals. Not only do a lot of them rely on snares, they don’t connect with the producer, the lyrics are repetitive and have little meaning.

Rappers like Nas and Jay Z remain relevant because their music connects with the people as they get older. Jay Z makes great business deals as well as great music so that he’ll never have to worry about keeping up with the trends. Nas has one of the most popular albums of all time and has earned him a lot of credit. He is constantly taking chances, but quality in his music is consistent. It’s clear to his audience that he’s a true artist and his music will stand the test of time.

A relevant question is why record companies continue to sign artists that can’t really rap? The answer is simple, they have a social media following and companies can make huge profits from them. All rap is not bad rap, there are still plenty of good artists that put out good music, some are underground and some choose to not sign record deals fearing they will lose creative control.

Conclusion

We are in a strange place with music today, not with just rap music, but all music. It seems as if the quality of music has gone down and artists are too willing “to leave good music on the floor”. The industry has changed, artists now make more money from merchandise and tours than ever before. Record labels are in no hurry to change. As long as people keep going to shows and downloading music, the record labels are happy.

Key Takeaways from This Episode

• Rap music today places a huge emphasis on beats rather than music

• Social medial makes it easier to get a record deal, the more followers you have the more appealing you look to record executives

• Today’s artist have to put out music more often than old school rappers in order to stay relevant

• Modern day rappers are being criticized for the overwhelming mediocrity of their music

• Today’s rappers show a superficial image that most idolize but can’t actually relate to

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

Rap Music in Today’s Society

Music has been a major part of our lives for hundreds of years, but rap music has only been around for a few decades. Rap music is a way for artists to express how life really is. Rap is more than just music, it’s a culture. Rap gives the audience a chance to connect with their music. Rap is always evolving and we as an audience must decide where we want it to go. The sheer popularity of rap music makes it nearly impossible for it to not influence today’s culture.

On this week’s episode of OEL the ladies and their special guests rap enthusiast Donavan and Chauncey tackle rap music in today’s society.

The Evolution of Rap Music

Let’s take it back to the 80s-90s where you had to make demo tapes and take them to producers and radio stations in hopes of being offered a deal or agree to play your music. Today there are social media outlets like YouTube, Tik Tok, Instagram, Sound Cloud, Facebook, etc. where you can upload your music and build a following in a matter of days. It’s a free easy way to market yourself and become famous.

Back in the day rap was something that was hard to get into and even harder to stay in. Back then you couldn’t get by with just a fancy beat and some auto-tune, and you definitely couldn’t repeat the same lyrics 100 times in your song. In the 90s, you had artists like Biggie Smalls, Eminem, Nas and 2pac.These artists worked day and night to make sure their lyrics were on point. Back then rappers talked about real social issues in their songs. Rappers had a different style to their music. Their lyrics were clearer, the instrumentals had a lot of variety and you saw more groups together.

Rappers 2Pac, Biggie Smalls and Jay Z are recognized for changing mainstream music. Specifically with Jay Z, where you can track a steady evolution of his music and see where he’s pushed himself in terms of potential. With Biggie’s song, “Mo Money Mo Problems”, it was a song that was not only relatable to rap fans, but also worked well for a pop song. The track has a lot of singing and a variety of different artists to make the music more social.

The Current State of Rap Music

Today’s rap provides a little more diversity with its artists, there are more female rappers and younger artists appearing on the scene. Social media played a big influence on the rise of the female artist, making it easier for them to be accepted. Back in the day, there were few female rappers and most were used in features, not too many had their own records.

There’s no variety with modern day rap and it’s becomes less artistic. Everyone sounds the same, because sales are prioritized compared to actual songs. Today’s rap artists are afraid to take chances, and you don’t see too many rappers working with artists from different genres to add variety.

In the late 90s and 2000s rap was at its most competitive state and you would see artist’s freestyling to get a record deal. Freestyle rapping is spitting lyrics in ciphers (or alone) that you make up on the spot. Freestyling would showcase who was actually good and who needed to go back to the drawing board.

Too many rappers are coming into the game with little or no talent, they make millions because people today like the way the beat sounds and if they can dance to it. Many of today’s rappers tend to display a superficial image that most people idealize but can’t actually relate to. The lyrics have less reliability, with rappers talking about clubs, being with models and talking about how big their homes are. It’s an idealized lifestyle but not many of them talk about their struggles which make them relatable. The lifestyle of modern day rappers is completely different. It raises the question, do people today really care about the lyrics in rap music or are they too concerned dancing to the beat?

Another noticeable difference between old school and new school rap is storytelling. Today’s artist don’t tell stories, they don’t rap about struggles and relatable topics. Artist Eminem rapped about his struggles and his rise from poverty to fame. He is arguably one on the best rappers in the game and has been for many years. There are still artist that tell great stories but today’s culture only seem to care simple lyrics and a catchy beat. Most rappers today have become lazy with their instrumentals. Not only do a lot of them rely on snares, they don’t connect with the producer, the lyrics are repetitive and have little meaning.

Rappers like Nas and Jay Z remain relevant because their music connects with the people as they get older. Jay Z makes great business deals as well as great music so that he’ll never have to worry about keeping up with the trends. Nas has one of the most popular albums of all time and has earned him a lot of credit. He is constantly taking chances, but quality in his music is consistent. It’s clear to his audience that he’s a true artist and his music will stand the test of time.

A relevant question is why record companies continue to sign artists that can’t really rap? The answer is simple, they have a social media following and companies can make huge profits from them. All rap is not bad rap, there are still plenty of good artists that put out good music, some are underground and some choose to not sign record deals fearing they will lose creative control.

Conclusion

We are in a strange place with music today, not with just rap music, but all music. It seems as if the quality of music has gone down and artists are too willing “to leave good music on the floor”. The industry has changed, artists now make more money from merchandise and tours than ever before. Record labels are in no hurry to change. As long as people keep going to shows and downloading music, the record labels are happy.

Key Takeaways from This Episode

• Rap music today places a huge emphasis on beats rather than music

• Social medial makes it easier to get a record deal, the more followers you have the more appealing you look to record executives

• Today’s artist have to put out music more often than old school rappers in order to stay relevant

• Modern day rappers are being criticized for the overwhelming mediocrity of their music

• Today’s rappers show a superficial image that most idolize but can’t actually relate to

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

The post 08 – Rap Music in Today’s Society – Do we care about substance or is Ratchet Winning? appeared first on On Everyone's Lips (O.E.L Show).

Everyone is vulnerable to mental health problems, which means everyone should be having a conversation about mental health and wellness. Historically, a stigma exists between people of color and mental health care. Asking for help can be challenging, but people of color often face historical and cultural barriers when trying to access mental health services. But when it comes to mental health, there seems to be a fear that talking about prevention somehow implies people with mental illness are at fault for their struggles.

On today’s episode of OEL the ladies and their special guest Shatiea Blount discuss the stigma surrounding mental health, life coaching and how people in communities of color are affected

Special Guest

On this episode of OEL the ladies interview Shatiea Blount, a licensed therapist and certified professional coach who specializes in breaking down big problems into small action steps. Shatiea is a smart, out-of-the-box thinker who loves taking care of people. She is a believer in truth and champions the healing of mental issues in communities of people of color. Shatiea found that becoming a therapist allowed her to provide help in ways that work and not in ways that were merely prescribed.

Therapist, Psychiatrist, Psychologist… What’s the difference?

Shatiea explained the difference between a therapist, psychiatrist and a psychologist. A psychologist often works in tandem with a psychiatrist, who is also a medical doctor and can prescribe medication if it is determined that medication is necessary for a patient’s treatment. A therapist’s goal is to help patients make decisions and clarify their feelings in order to solve problems. As a licensed social worker, she can practice therapy and does so independently.

Shatiea noted that psychiatrists are medical doctors, but do less therapy than in the past.  A session with a psychiatrist will usually last about 15-20 minutes, they assess a patient and will prescribe medication based on their diagnosis. A psychologist, on the other hand, uses a medical approach to therapy. While licensed professional counselors are also therapists, they do not have the mission for social justice that most social workers have.

Trends in Mental Health

The ladies asked about trends in mental health and if Shatiea had noticed any. She noticed the rise in people seeking help for their psychological problems. Additionally there is more awareness of mental health in the black community and how the topic has become more talked about. Shatiea has seen the rise in people of color considering therapy as a professional path. She noted that celebrities like Taraji P. Henson have become advocates and also promoting the importance of mental health.

5 Warning Signs of Mental Health Risks and Seeking Help

Questions arose regarding warning signs and what should be done if you or someone you know may need help. Shatiea stated that anyone can experience a mental disorder, they key is to pay attention and check on your friends and family. When observing them, Shatiea suggests looking for warning signs like:

• Irregular sleeping and breathing patterns

• Irritability with their friends, children and family members

• Isolation (Worry, Paranoia and Avoidance)

• A constant feeling of sadness and hopelessness for an extended period of time

• Lack of or excessive sleeping

• Unexplained weight gains or loss (Change in diet)

Shatiea reminds us that these symptoms are not necessarily caused by factors you can control. It is essential to realize and acknowledge that it is no fault of our own. There can be many causes of mental health problems including stress, environment, work, etc.

It was suggested that everyone conduct wellness checks. A wellness check, is an in-person visit or call to someone whose behavior has become suspicious in some way, usually done by a friend or family member. Wellness checks are necessary, they can help those that may be experiencing physical or mental health issues to seek help.

For those seeking help, Shatiea suggests doing research and calling therapist to inquire about what services they offer. She says to inquire about their qualifications and experiences working with people of color. She also stated the importance of providing an explanation of symptoms and what prompted them to reach out for help. She stressed the importance of finding a therapist who will meet your specific needs.

Continuing the Conversation

Shatiea shared ways to introduce the discussions of mental health. It begins by validating their experience, and not to ignore or treat them as if what they’re experiencing is insignificant. Next is to share your experiences and make them feel understood. This offers a therapeutic space where everyone is free to share. She shared the importance of knowing your skillset. One should not interfere in an area where they are not experienced. Certified therapists have the necessary tools and skills to handle any situation. Therapy is offered based on the needs of a person.

A therapist may become a life coach, however, as a life coach, therapy cannot be offered to a coaching client. Therapy involves processing, unpacking, and integrating the life of the individual. Life coaching is more future and goal oriented. Shatiea suggests coaching for people who are seeking to achieve a fixed goal in the future.

Key Takeaways from This Episode

• Communities of color should do more to encourage people to seek professional help for mental problems.

• Mental health affect everyone.

• Wellness checks are important.

• Pay attention to warning signs. Some may be subtle, and others may not be as obvious.

• When seeking professional help, do your research to find what best suits you.

Shetiea Blount can be found on instagram ,  Facebook and at @eyeinme on all other social media platforms. Or visit website at www.eyeinme.com.

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

Breaking Down the Stigmas of Mental Health

Everyone is vulnerable to mental health problems, which means everyone should be having a conversation about mental health and wellness. Historically, a stigma exists between people of color and mental health care. Asking for help can be challenging, but people of color often face historical and cultural barriers when trying to access mental health services. But when it comes to mental health, there seems to be a fear that talking about prevention somehow implies people with mental illness are at fault for their struggles.

On today’s episode of OEL the ladies and their special guest Shatiea Blount discuss the stigma surrounding mental health, life coaching and how people in communities of color are affected

Special Guest

On this episode of OEL the ladies interview Shatiea Blount, a licensed therapist and certified professional coach who specializes in breaking down big problems into small action steps. Shatiea is a smart, out-of-the-box thinker who loves taking care of people. She is a believer in truth and champions the healing of mental issues in communities of people of color. Shatiea found that becoming a therapist allowed her to provide help in ways that work and not in ways that were merely prescribed.

Therapist, Psychiatrist, Psychologist… What’s the difference?

Shatiea explained the difference between a therapist, psychiatrist and a psychologist. A psychologist often works in tandem with a psychiatrist, who is also a medical doctor and can prescribe medication if it is determined that medication is necessary for a patient’s treatment. A therapist’s goal is to help patients make decisions and clarify their feelings in order to solve problems. As a licensed social worker, she can practice therapy and does so independently.

Shatiea noted that psychiatrists are medical doctors, but do less therapy than in the past.  A session with a psychiatrist will usually last about 15-20 minutes, they assess a patient and will prescribe medication based on their diagnosis. A psychologist, on the other hand, uses a medical approach to therapy. While licensed professional counselors are also therapists, they do not have the mission for social justice that most social workers have.

Trends in Mental Health

The ladies asked about trends in mental health and if Shatiea had noticed any. She noticed the rise in people seeking help for their psychological problems. Additionally there is more awareness of mental health in the black community and how the topic has become more talked about. Shatiea has seen the rise in people of color considering therapy as a professional path. She noted that celebrities like Taraji P. Henson have become advocates and also promoting the importance of mental health.

5 Warning Signs of Mental Health Risks and Seeking Help

Questions arose regarding warning signs and what should be done if you or someone you know may need help. Shatiea stated that anyone can experience a mental disorder, they key is to pay attention and check on your friends and family. When observing them, Shatiea suggests looking for warning signs like:

• Irregular sleeping and breathing patterns

• Irritability with their friends, children and family members

• Isolation (Worry, Paranoia and Avoidance)

• A constant feeling of sadness and hopelessness for an extended period of time

• Lack of or excessive sleeping

• Unexplained weight gains or loss (Change in diet)

Shatiea reminds us that these symptoms are not necessarily caused by factors you can control. It is essential to realize and acknowledge that it is no fault of our own. There can be many causes of mental health problems including stress, environment, work, etc.

It was suggested that everyone conduct wellness checks. A wellness check, is an in-person visit or call to someone whose behavior has become suspicious in some way, usually done by a friend or family member. Wellness checks are necessary, they can help those that may be experiencing physical or mental health issues to seek help.

For those seeking help, Shatiea suggests doing research and calling therapist to inquire about what services they offer. She says to inquire about their qualifications and experiences working with people of color. She also stated the importance of providing an explanation of symptoms and what prompted them to reach out for help. She stressed the importance of finding a therapist who will meet your specific needs.

Continuing the Conversation

Shatiea shared ways to introduce the discussions of mental health. It begins by validating their experience, and not to ignore or treat them as if what they’re experiencing is insignificant. Next is to share your experiences and make them feel understood. This offers a therapeutic space where everyone is free to share. She shared the importance of knowing your skillset. One should not interfere in an area where they are not experienced. Certified therapists have the necessary tools and skills to handle any situation. Therapy is offered based on the needs of a person.

A therapist may become a life coach, however, as a life coach, therapy cannot be offered to a coaching client. Therapy involves processing, unpacking, and integrating the life of the individual. Life coaching is more future and goal oriented. Shatiea suggests coaching for people who are seeking to achieve a fixed goal in the future.

Key Takeaways from This Episode

• Communities of color should do more to encourage people to seek professional help for mental problems.

• Mental health affect everyone.

• Wellness checks are important.

• Pay attention to warning signs. Some may be subtle, and others may not be as obvious.

• When seeking professional help, do your research to find what best suits you.

Shetiea Blount can be found on instagram ,  Facebook and at @eyeinme on all other social media platforms. Or visit website at www.eyeinme.com.

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

The post 07 – Breaking Down The Stigmas of Mental Health – 5 Warning Signs of Mental Health Risks -Shatiea Blount Interview appeared first on On Everyone's Lips (O.E.L Show).

Relationship curfews are not a new phenomenon in any culture. People in a relationship try to establish boundaries that protect them, their partner, and their investment.

Couples nowadays are faced with many new challenges that can destroy intimacy and trust. The Internet has made it easy for unfaithful individuals to hook up in the wee hours of the morning and then return to a faithful, unaware spouse/ mate without guilt.

Feeling of Loneliness

In an ideal world, each party in a relationship would consider the needs and feelings of the loving person who supports them. When their companion gets back from a young man / woman’s night out late, it means their mate has to wait up until they return. Some people can’t sleep without knowing their partner is safely beside them. Loneliness can trigger many other unwanted feelings, such as anger.

Too Much Freedom Can Lead to Trouble

Some men and women are more likely to engage in irresponsible behavior when they have been out with friends for an excessive amount of time. Some ladies stress over the men. Not a great amount of good occurs around the early hours of weekend mornings, and such couples may benefit from a joint curfew.

Difficulty in Communication

Difficulties arise when partners cannot communicate their needs effectively. Some simply don’t perceive any good reason why they must remain out until 4 or 5 am. Don’t they wish to return to their residence?

Some simply don’t feel relaxed until their partner gets back to their bed. Some would contend that sending a witty message to reveal to a lover that you’ll be home soon, is monitoring them.

Discomfort around Friends

A few men and women feel they lose face in front of friends by communicating promptly with their mate. Letting the other party know when they will be home is seen as a sign of weakness. In that case, the person may have a maturity issue that affects other aspects of their marriage. With late hours and hard liquor, anything can and sometimes does occur. Basic safety is at risk and nodding off on public transportation and not awakening until challenged is not uncommon.

All things considered, on the off chance that a person is out and may be home later than they suspected, in some relationships they would have zero issues with telling their significant other they would be late. They simply believe it’s deferential and shows respect for their lover.

Deciding on a Boundary

Agreeing on the absolute hour your significant other can return home following nights with her young ladies or his male friends is critical. Even when you are an advanced creature who is aware of the supreme uniformity of the genders, and you both have agreed that a man and a woman can equally go out and enjoy drinks with companions, you want a demonstration of respect. You want to feel secure in the knowledge that you can trust them to leave at a reasonable hour.

Frustration can Lead to a Curfew

Some couples start out without a curfew but eventually, one person may feel as though that there feelings are disregarded. You may have consistently been fair with her comings and goings. Be that as it may, after a time occasional late nights turn into doing it excessively. Then you say, alright, dear, here is our line on the proverbial sand, and please do not cross it.

This happens when she or he has been going out to office parties, a partner’s change of job party, a hen evening, a birthday party the day immediately after, a night of drinking out with buddies from football and more. By the time you hear their key at 2am you might be feeling resentment. The noise from then dragging their high heels, pulling their little red dress off, hurling their tie and cuffs and more may just irritate you.

Plus, their drunken stumbling is so loud you feel that even the neighbors 10 houses down the road heard it. All people need to feel respected and sometimes, if a person cannot determine what time is a reasonable hour to get home, it needs to be discussed. Both parties in a relationship have to face their insecurities and be clear about their needs. A curfew clearly states where the line is, so there is no excuse for wandering in when the other party is driving out to work. Sticking to it implies that you are willing to act responsibly and your word can be trusted.

Coping with Insecurities

Constantly being left in bed alone can lead to feelings of insecurity, especially if your partner never seems to want to go anywhere with you. All individuals are created with a natural caution framework to shield their hearts and bodies from mischief. Whenever compromised, their bodies immediately produce hormones that help them to get by battling, escaping, or solidifying their stance. At the point when the risk is vanquished and their apprehensions die down, their bodies produce an arrangement of compounds that make them relax. Talking to a loved one about some if your insecurities can sometimes be helpful. The main route any of us can use to remain genuinely secure is to realize that in all aspects of our relationship, we are eventually responsible for our own happiness. It helps to have a stabilizing force who is more prominent than us and gives us significance.

That force does not need to be religious and is positively not compulsory. When individuals consistently ponder, supplicate, or commune with nature, they more quickly feel an awareness of themselves and the world. That dedication makes them mindful and more in control of their thoughts, helping them to be the best wife they can be.

No close relationship endures and succeeds whenever it is the only significant association an individual has in their life. Secure individuals appear to build on that fact naturally and keep up numerous quality connections they immediately fall back on for strength and stability if their essential one is stressful. They ceaselessly keep those systems alive and accessible, avoiding the insecurity that sometimes comes from leaning too heavily on a companion.

Key Takeaways from This Episode

• In any relationship mutual respect is key.

• Open communication about personal insecurities is important. 

• Going out with friends, other than your partner is fine. Just not excessively

• A curfew may be needed, in one person has committed infidelity.

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

Are relationship curfews necessary? – Why or Why Not?

Relationship curfews are not a new phenomenon in any culture. People in a relationship try to establish boundaries that protect them, their partner, and their investment.

Couples nowadays are faced with many new challenges that can destroy intimacy and trust. The Internet has made it easy for unfaithful individuals to hook up in the wee hours of the morning and then return to a faithful, unaware spouse/ mate without guilt.

Feeling of Loneliness

In an ideal world, each party in a relationship would consider the needs and feelings of the loving person who supports them. When their companion gets back from a young man / woman’s night out late, it means their mate has to wait up until they return. Some people can’t sleep without knowing their partner is safely beside them. Loneliness can trigger many other unwanted feelings, such as anger.

Too Much Freedom Can Lead to Trouble

Some men and women are more likely to engage in irresponsible behavior when they have been out with friends for an excessive amount of time. Some ladies stress over the men. Not a great amount of good occurs around the early hours of weekend mornings, and such couples may benefit from a joint curfew.

Difficulty in Communication

Difficulties arise when partners cannot communicate their needs effectively. Some simply don’t perceive any good reason why they must remain out until 4 or 5 am. Don’t they wish to return to their residence?

Some simply don’t feel relaxed until their partner gets back to their bed. Some would contend that sending a witty message to reveal to a lover that you’ll be home soon, is monitoring them.

Discomfort around Friends

A few men and women feel they lose face in front of friends by communicating promptly with their mate. Letting the other party know when they will be home is seen as a sign of weakness. In that case, the person may have a maturity issue that affects other aspects of their marriage. With late hours and hard liquor, anything can and sometimes does occur. Basic safety is at risk and nodding off on public transportation and not awakening until challenged is not uncommon.

All things considered, on the off chance that a person is out and may be home later than they suspected, in some relationships they would have zero issues with telling their significant other they would be late. They simply believe it’s deferential and shows respect for their lover.

Deciding on a Boundary

Agreeing on the absolute hour your significant other can return home following nights with her young ladies or his male friends is critical. Even when you are an advanced creature who is aware of the supreme uniformity of the genders, and you both have agreed that a man and a woman can equally go out and enjoy drinks with companions, you want a demonstration of respect. You want to feel secure in the knowledge that you can trust them to leave at a reasonable hour.

Frustration can Lead to a Curfew

Some couples start out without a curfew but eventually, one person may feel as though that there feelings are disregarded. You may have consistently been fair with her comings and goings. Be that as it may, after a time occasional late nights turn into doing it excessively. Then you say, alright, dear, here is our line on the proverbial sand, and please do not cross it.

This happens when she or he has been going out to office parties, a partner’s change of job party, a hen evening, a birthday party the day immediately after, a night of drinking out with buddies from football and more. By the time you hear their key at 2am you might be feeling resentment. The noise from then dragging their high heels, pulling their little red dress off, hurling their tie and cuffs and more may just irritate you.

Plus, their drunken stumbling is so loud you feel that even the neighbors 10 houses down the road heard it. All people need to feel respected and sometimes, if a person cannot determine what time is a reasonable hour to get home, it needs to be discussed. Both parties in a relationship have to face their insecurities and be clear about their needs. A curfew clearly states where the line is, so there is no excuse for wandering in when the other party is driving out to work. Sticking to it implies that you are willing to act responsibly and your word can be trusted.

Coping with Insecurities

Constantly being left in bed alone can lead to feelings of insecurity, especially if your partner never seems to want to go anywhere with you. All individuals are created with a natural caution framework to shield their hearts and bodies from mischief. Whenever compromised, their bodies immediately produce hormones that help them to get by battling, escaping, or solidifying their stance. At the point when the risk is vanquished and their apprehensions die down, their bodies produce an arrangement of compounds that make them relax. Talking to a loved one about some if your insecurities can sometimes be helpful. The main route any of us can use to remain genuinely secure is to realize that in all aspects of our relationship, we are eventually responsible for our own happiness. It helps to have a stabilizing force who is more prominent than us and gives us significance.

That force does not need to be religious and is positively not compulsory. When individuals consistently ponder, supplicate, or commune with nature, they more quickly feel an awareness of themselves and the world. That dedication makes them mindful and more in control of their thoughts, helping them to be the best wife they can be.

No close relationship endures and succeeds whenever it is the only significant association an individual has in their life. Secure individuals appear to build on that fact naturally and keep up numerous quality connections they immediately fall back on for strength and stability if their essential one is stressful. They ceaselessly keep those systems alive and accessible, avoiding the insecurity that sometimes comes from leaning too heavily on a companion.

Key Takeaways from This Episode

• In any relationship mutual respect is key.

• Open communication about personal insecurities is important. 

• Going out with friends, other than your partner is fine. Just not excessively

• A curfew may be needed, in one person has committed infidelity.

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

The post 06 – Are relationship curfews necessary? – Why or Why Not? appeared first on On Everyone's Lips (O.E.L Show).

Most people feel insecure at certain points in their life. You have probably felt it once if not more than once. Most of the time, feelings of insecurity originate from childhood. If you experienced an embarrassing moment or moments during your childhood, there is a high likelihood that you may carry those feelings even in your adulthood.

Besides developing low self-esteem, you may end up feeling as if you are exposed to the whole world and that you do not deserve anything good in life, be it good partners, a good job, or just a great social life.

Types of insecurities

The following are the four types of insecurities that are most common.

If you have ever felt nervous around new people because you do not know what to say or how to say it, you are socially insecure. This type of insecurity manifests itself when one is around people, mostly a large group of people.

 When you are socially insecure, it becomes difficult for you to make new friends because of the heightened anxiety you feel when around new people. Social insecurity also manifests itself when you feel like people are always looking at you and judging you or gossiping about you. For instance, becoming self-conscious when walking down the streets because you feel all eyes are on you.

Type 2: Professional insecurity

Professional insecurity consists of the fear of losing your job, being denied tenure or any restrictions that you may face at your place of work for failing to comply with the established guidelines.  This insecurity is heightened by the great demands of life in terms of finance. Losing a job means loss of income, which makes this insecurity one of the most common forms of insecurity. Professional insecurity also involves panic at the thought that you may never find another job when you lose the one you currently have.

Type 3: Economic insecurity

Also known as, financial insecurity, economic insecurity revolves around your financial capability or incapability for that matter. It is the fear that you may be wasting your money instead of saving. Also, it involves the fear of making a bad investment. Also, you are economically or financially insecure when you are afraid that you may not have enough resources to support your standard of living, either now or in the future.

Type 4: Personal insecurity

When you are personally insecure, you become afraid of others opinion about you. Personal insecurity involves many fears. These fears include the fear of not finding a good partner. Being insecure about the relationship you are in whether friendship, marriage, or your relation with your relatives.

Causes of insecurity

Having looked at the different types of insecurities, let us now delve into the causes of insecurities.

1. Traumatic Events

Any event that causes serious physical, emotional, or psychological damage is considered a traumatic event. Examples of traumatic events include being involved in a serious road accident, rape, or even losing a loved one. If proper measures are not taken on time, these events may leave the victims with long-term consequences like rapid feelings of fear, which manifest in the form of social insecurity.

2. Divorce

Even though divorce may be the better option, most of the time, it results in many negative effects. These negative outcomes may include the loss of a family you once loved, loss of a house, or even the loss of a source of income. Therefore, this puts the victim at risk of developing insecurities like personal and social insecurity.

3. Low Self-Esteem

Characterized by a negative feeling about oneself as well as the lack of confidence, low self-esteem can make you feel like people hate you and do not want to associate with you (social and personal insecurity). Low self-esteem can also affect your work since it makes you feel incompetent hence makes you afraid of losing your job or business (professional insecurity).

4. Body Image

The way you perceive your body affects how you feel about yourself. If you think your body is not attractive, you will feel bad about yourself. For instance, you may regard your body as overweight or underweight and hence not attractive enough. This also relates to the way you compare your body to those of other people, especially celebrities. This is greatly related to social and personal insecurities.

5. Violence

If you are a victim of any form of violence, you are likely to develop a form of insecurity. For example, if you are a victim of attempted molestation or rape, you may end up feeling uncomfortable around strangers of the opposite sex. Also, your trust in people diminishes, making it difficult for you to form new relationships.

6. Abuse

Being abused involves being treated with cruelty either physically, emotionally financially, sexually, or culturally. For instance, being a victim of domestic abuse (physical abuse). Financial abuse happens when a partner controls all the household budgeting or when one opens a credit account sing the other person’s details without their knowledge.

7. Comparing Yourself to Others

You can perceive yourself as not too good enough when you compare yourself to others. For instance, you may compare yourself with others in terms of looks, education level, or the kind of job they have, among other factors. Comparing yourself to others can make you feel awkward hence unable to interact properly with others.

8. Fear and failure

You may be afraid of something, or someone greatly affects your life. Even though fear is normal, fear becomes a problem when it takes over your life. It may even affect how you do your job as well as how you interact with others. Fear may result from failing at something.

Key Takeaways from This Episode

• To cope with the different types of insecurities, the first thing is to identify them.

• Keep reminding yourself about your positive attributes whenever you have those negative thoughts.

• By reflecting on your successes and achievements, you will be able to cope with your insecurities.

• Also, avoiding the perfectionist attitude helps a great deal.

   

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

What are the different types of insecurities, and what are the causes?

Most people feel insecure at certain points in their life. You have probably felt it once if not more than once. Most of the time, feelings of insecurity originate from childhood. If you experienced an embarrassing moment or moments during your childhood, there is a high likelihood that you may carry those feelings even in your adulthood.

Besides developing low self-esteem, you may end up feeling as if you are exposed to the whole world and that you do not deserve anything good in life, be it good partners, a good job, or just a great social life.

Types of insecurities

The following are the four types of insecurities that are most common.

If you have ever felt nervous around new people because you do not know what to say or how to say it, you are socially insecure. This type of insecurity manifests itself when one is around people, mostly a large group of people.

 When you are socially insecure, it becomes difficult for you to make new friends because of the heightened anxiety you feel when around new people. Social insecurity also manifests itself when you feel like people are always looking at you and judging you or gossiping about you. For instance, becoming self-conscious when walking down the streets because you feel all eyes are on you.

Type 2: Professional insecurity

Professional insecurity consists of the fear of losing your job, being denied tenure or any restrictions that you may face at your place of work for failing to comply with the established guidelines.  This insecurity is heightened by the great demands of life in terms of finance. Losing a job means loss of income, which makes this insecurity one of the most common forms of insecurity. Professional insecurity also involves panic at the thought that you may never find another job when you lose the one you currently have.

Type 3: Economic insecurity

Also known as, financial insecurity, economic insecurity revolves around your financial capability or incapability for that matter. It is the fear that you may be wasting your money instead of saving. Also, it involves the fear of making a bad investment. Also, you are economically or financially insecure when you are afraid that you may not have enough resources to support your standard of living, either now or in the future.

Type 4: Personal insecurity

When you are personally insecure, you become afraid of others opinion about you. Personal insecurity involves many fears. These fears include the fear of not finding a good partner. Being insecure about the relationship you are in whether friendship, marriage, or your relation with your relatives.

Causes of insecurity

Having looked at the different types of insecurities, let us now delve into the causes of insecurities.

1. Traumatic Events

Any event that causes serious physical, emotional, or psychological damage is considered a traumatic event. Examples of traumatic events include being involved in a serious road accident, rape, or even losing a loved one. If proper measures are not taken on time, these events may leave the victims with long-term consequences like rapid feelings of fear, which manifest in the form of social insecurity.

2. Divorce

Even though divorce may be the better option, most of the time, it results in many negative effects. These negative outcomes may include the loss of a family you once loved, loss of a house, or even the loss of a source of income. Therefore, this puts the victim at risk of developing insecurities like personal and social insecurity.

3. Low Self-Esteem

Characterized by a negative feeling about oneself as well as the lack of confidence, low self-esteem can make you feel like people hate you and do not want to associate with you (social and personal insecurity). Low self-esteem can also affect your work since it makes you feel incompetent hence makes you afraid of losing your job or business (professional insecurity).

4. Body Image

The way you perceive your body affects how you feel about yourself. If you think your body is not attractive, you will feel bad about yourself. For instance, you may regard your body as overweight or underweight and hence not attractive enough. This also relates to the way you compare your body to those of other people, especially celebrities. This is greatly related to social and personal insecurities.

5. Violence

If you are a victim of any form of violence, you are likely to develop a form of insecurity. For example, if you are a victim of attempted molestation or rape, you may end up feeling uncomfortable around strangers of the opposite sex. Also, your trust in people diminishes, making it difficult for you to form new relationships.

6. Abuse

Being abused involves being treated with cruelty either physically, emotionally financially, sexually, or culturally. For instance, being a victim of domestic abuse (physical abuse). Financial abuse happens when a partner controls all the household budgeting or when one opens a credit account sing the other person’s details without their knowledge.

7. Comparing Yourself to Others

You can perceive yourself as not too good enough when you compare yourself to others. For instance, you may compare yourself with others in terms of looks, education level, or the kind of job they have, among other factors. Comparing yourself to others can make you feel awkward hence unable to interact properly with others.

8. Fear and failure

You may be afraid of something, or someone greatly affects your life. Even though fear is normal, fear becomes a problem when it takes over your life. It may even affect how you do your job as well as how you interact with others. Fear may result from failing at something.

Key Takeaways from This Episode

• To cope with the different types of insecurities, the first thing is to identify them.

• Keep reminding yourself about your positive attributes whenever you have those negative thoughts.

• By reflecting on your successes and achievements, you will be able to cope with your insecurities.

• Also, avoiding the perfectionist attitude helps a great deal.

   

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

The post 05- What are the different types of insecurities and what are the causes? appeared first on On Everyone's Lips (O.E.L Show).

Due to the popularity of the recent Netflix series, “When They See Us”, the ladies of OEL tackle the story surrounding the Central Park 5 and the injustice that occurred. 

The story of the Central Park 5 took place in 1989. A case of five teenagers who were wrongfully convicted of beating and raping Trisha Meili, a 28-year-old, white woman who was jogging in the park. Five young black and Hispanic men, aged between 14 and 16, would be found guilty and jailed for the crime.

“When They See Us” a documentary created by Ava Duvernay is based on events of the 1989 Central Park jogger case and explores the lives of the five suspects: Korey Wise, Kevin Richardson, Raymond Santana, Antron McCray, and Yusef Salaam who were prosecuted on charges related to the sexual assault of a female victim, and of their families.

One spring evening in 1989, a group of around 30 teenagers were hanging out in Central Park, New York. Some of them were causing serious trouble – including badly hurting others in the park and harassing homeless people. On the same night in the park, a woman, Patricia Mellie, was found badly beaten and raped. She was in a coma for 12 days.

They were picked up by the police after the attack and questioned at length. At some point, confessions started coming out. The series depicts the boys as confused, thinking that they could go home if they told police what they wanted to hear. They all maintained their innocence and said they were coerced into confessing. They were interrogated without their parents or lawyers present and forced into pleading guilty to a crime they didn’t commit.

Linda Fairstein, a New York City prosecutor, persuaded Elizabeth Lederer, the lawyer on the case to convict the boys. The trial was based off the false confessions, there was no evidence to connect the boys to the crime. After they spent from six to 13 years in prison, a serial rapist confessed to the crime and their convictions were vacated in 2002. The next year, the boys sued New York City for malicious prosecution, racial discrimination and emotional distress. In 2014, the city of New York settled with the five wrongly convicted men for $41 million dollars.

Roundtable

OEL hosts discussed their thoughts and feelings behind the series. Host Chelsea Jade, could not watch the series, she watched one episode realizing its painful emotional nature. Chelsea needed to process the first episode. It made her think of family and friends saying it hit close to home to see so many young Black and Brown boys and men that have experienced injustice. Also noting the importance of advocating for people of color in your community.

Host Lindset J said the series is hard to watch, especially episode 4 highlighting the story of Korey Wise, the eldest of the boys. Korey, who was hard of hearing and had learning difficulties experience the most severe punishment, including being beaten and raped while in prison.

He spent 13 years in New York’s harshest prisons. Korey was not in the park on the evening of the incident, he went to the police station to offer moral support to his friend Yusef and as a result he would be charged as an adult.

Host Lindsey J spoke on Antron McCray and how the police intimidated his father bringing up his background and threatening him. Soon after the threats, Antron’s father told his son to do whatever the police say and give them what they want. Antron was adamant about not wanting to confess to a crime he didn’t commit. In a later interview conducted by Oprah, Antron was asked about his relationship with his father. He said he never forgave him for what he had done and does not have a relationship with him.

Host Chelsea Jade spoke on the racial injustice that she experienced at the hands of the police. She can recall as a teenager been wrongfully stopped by police and removed from her car without cause. She and her friends were forced to sit on the side of the road while the police searched her car. The police claimed she had a missing or broken light, but according to Chelsea Jade that was not the case. After being humiliated the police let them go.

Our hosts spoke on the boys experiencing racial discrimination, racial injustice and racial profiling. Noting they were vulnerable, didn’t know their rights and had no clue they had the option to call their parents. They were being held by the police and accused of a crime that they did not commit. They were hungry, tired, afraid and even beaten into confessing. They all believed if they followed the police’s instructions they would be able to go home. The police and prosecutors were intimidating and the boys feared for their lives.

 Hosts noted how it was unfortunate that they experienced such unjust racism simply because the police were trying to reach a “quota” and needed someone to blame. Brown and black males are the most targeted group for discrimination. The boys were arrested for no other reason than being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Awareness

In an interview with Oprah, Ava Duvernay stated she wanted to bring more attention to the injustice experienced by the boys. She needed everyone, not just black and brown people to see and experience what happened to these boys. Ava spoke on why she chose the name “When They See Us”. She shared how the name Central Park 5 was given to them unjustly and she wanted them to be named for who they are and not of the crimes in which they were accused of committing.

These situations of false accusations and false arrests of black and brown males happen far too often. It instills a sense of fear in black women especially those raising males. Women are afraid of their sons going out into the world fearing what may happen to them.  

The African American community must look out for one another says our hosts. There’s no way to know what police might do to a black male or their families says host (INSERT NAME). With the unjust killings and arrests still happening today, there’s no telling what police will get away with. It’s important for everyone to know their rights.

 There is a perception of black males coming from low income neighborhood. It’s been said that they are a product of their environment and have nothing good to offer this world. Some police rely on this very notion and use it to target black and brown males.

The Netflix documentary “The 13th”, also directed and produced by Ava Duvernay, sheds light on the injustices of the legal system, what it has done, and how people are being misled. “13th” begins with an alarming statistic: One out of four African-American males will serve prison time at one point or another in their lives.

Rich and Guilty, Poor and Innocent

Bryan Stevenson is the founder and Executive Director of the Equal Justice Initiative in Montgomery, Alabama.  Mr. Stevenson is a widely acclaimed public interest lawyer who has dedicated his career to helping the poor, the incarcerated and the condemned. Bryan has spent more than three decades challenging poverty and racial discrimination within the criminal justice system. Bryan is a founding leader of the movement against mass incarceration in the U.S.

Bryan was interviewed by Oprah on her podcast and was quoted as saying: “we have a system of justice that treats you better if you are rich and guilty than if you’re poor and innocent”. “Wealth, not culpability, shapes outcomes.” If you’re rich, you could buy your way out of anything. However, if you’re poor than you’re at the mercy of the legal system. Stevenson has challenged bias against the poor and minorities in the criminal justice system, especially children. For more information on Bryan Stevenson please visit his website.

Key Takeaways from This Episode

• Do your research to know and understand your rights

• Black and brown males need someone to advocate on their behalf

• There is a petition on change.org  called #cancellindafairstein

• The justice system rewards the rich and punishes the poor

• Your environment can affect how the justice system treats you

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

Central Park 5 “When They See Us”-Miscarriage of Justice or Uncommon Occurrence?

Due to the popularity of the recent Netflix series, “When They See Us”, the ladies of OEL tackle the story surrounding the Central Park 5 and the injustice that occurred. 

The story of the Central Park 5 took place in 1989. A case of five teenagers who were wrongfully convicted of beating and raping Trisha Meili, a 28-year-old, white woman who was jogging in the park. Five young black and Hispanic men, aged between 14 and 16, would be found guilty and jailed for the crime.

“When They See Us” a documentary created by Ava Duvernay is based on events of the 1989 Central Park jogger case and explores the lives of the five suspects: Korey Wise, Kevin Richardson, Raymond Santana, Antron McCray, and Yusef Salaam who were prosecuted on charges related to the sexual assault of a female victim, and of their families.

One spring evening in 1989, a group of around 30 teenagers were hanging out in Central Park, New York. Some of them were causing serious trouble – including badly hurting others in the park and harassing homeless people. On the same night in the park, a woman, Patricia Mellie, was found badly beaten and raped. She was in a coma for 12 days.

They were picked up by the police after the attack and questioned at length. At some point, confessions started coming out. The series depicts the boys as confused, thinking that they could go home if they told police what they wanted to hear. They all maintained their innocence and said they were coerced into confessing. They were interrogated without their parents or lawyers present and forced into pleading guilty to a crime they didn’t commit.

Linda Fairstein, a New York City prosecutor, persuaded Elizabeth Lederer, the lawyer on the case to convict the boys. The trial was based off the false confessions, there was no evidence to connect the boys to the crime. After they spent from six to 13 years in prison, a serial rapist confessed to the crime and their convictions were vacated in 2002. The next year, the boys sued New York City for malicious prosecution, racial discrimination and emotional distress. In 2014, the city of New York settled with the five wrongly convicted men for $41 million dollars.

Roundtable

OEL hosts discussed their thoughts and feelings behind the series. Host Chelsea Jade, could not watch the series, she watched one episode realizing its painful emotional nature. Chelsea needed to process the first episode. It made her think of family and friends saying it hit close to home to see so many young Black and Brown boys and men that have experienced injustice. Also noting the importance of advocating for people of color in your community.

Host Lindset J said the series is hard to watch, especially episode 4 highlighting the story of Korey Wise, the eldest of the boys. Korey, who was hard of hearing and had learning difficulties experience the most severe punishment, including being beaten and raped while in prison.

He spent 13 years in New York’s harshest prisons. Korey was not in the park on the evening of the incident, he went to the police station to offer moral support to his friend Yusef and as a result he would be charged as an adult.

Host Lindsey J spoke on Antron McCray and how the police intimidated his father bringing up his background and threatening him. Soon after the threats, Antron’s father told his son to do whatever the police say and give them what they want. Antron was adamant about not wanting to confess to a crime he didn’t commit. In a later interview conducted by Oprah, Antron was asked about his relationship with his father. He said he never forgave him for what he had done and does not have a relationship with him.

Host Chelsea Jade spoke on the racial injustice that she experienced at the hands of the police. She can recall as a teenager been wrongfully stopped by police and removed from her car without cause. She and her friends were forced to sit on the side of the road while the police searched her car. The police claimed she had a missing or broken light, but according to Chelsea Jade that was not the case. After being humiliated the police let them go.

Our hosts spoke on the boys experiencing racial discrimination, racial injustice and racial profiling. Noting they were vulnerable, didn’t know their rights and had no clue they had the option to call their parents. They were being held by the police and accused of a crime that they did not commit. They were hungry, tired, afraid and even beaten into confessing. They all believed if they followed the police’s instructions they would be able to go home. The police and prosecutors were intimidating and the boys feared for their lives.

 Hosts noted how it was unfortunate that they experienced such unjust racism simply because the police were trying to reach a “quota” and needed someone to blame. Brown and black males are the most targeted group for discrimination. The boys were arrested for no other reason than being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Awareness

In an interview with Oprah, Ava Duvernay stated she wanted to bring more attention to the injustice experienced by the boys. She needed everyone, not just black and brown people to see and experience what happened to these boys. Ava spoke on why she chose the name “When They See Us”. She shared how the name Central Park 5 was given to them unjustly and she wanted them to be named for who they are and not of the crimes in which they were accused of committing.

These situations of false accusations and false arrests of black and brown males happen far too often. It instills a sense of fear in black women especially those raising males. Women are afraid of their sons going out into the world fearing what may happen to them.  

The African American community must look out for one another says our hosts. There’s no way to know what police might do to a black male or their families says host (INSERT NAME). With the unjust killings and arrests still happening today, there’s no telling what police will get away with. It’s important for everyone to know their rights.

 There is a perception of black males coming from low income neighborhood. It’s been said that they are a product of their environment and have nothing good to offer this world. Some police rely on this very notion and use it to target black and brown males.

The Netflix documentary “The 13th”, also directed and produced by Ava Duvernay, sheds light on the injustices of the legal system, what it has done, and how people are being misled. “13th” begins with an alarming statistic: One out of four African-American males will serve prison time at one point or another in their lives.

Rich and Guilty, Poor and Innocent

Bryan Stevenson is the founder and Executive Director of the Equal Justice Initiative in Montgomery, Alabama.  Mr. Stevenson is a widely acclaimed public interest lawyer who has dedicated his career to helping the poor, the incarcerated and the condemned. Bryan has spent more than three decades challenging poverty and racial discrimination within the criminal justice system. Bryan is a founding leader of the movement against mass incarceration in the U.S.

Bryan was interviewed by Oprah on her podcast and was quoted as saying: “we have a system of justice that treats you better if you are rich and guilty than if you’re poor and innocent”. “Wealth, not culpability, shapes outcomes.” If you’re rich, you could buy your way out of anything. However, if you’re poor than you’re at the mercy of the legal system. Stevenson has challenged bias against the poor and minorities in the criminal justice system, especially children. For more information on Bryan Stevenson please visit his website.

Key Takeaways from This Episode

• Do your research to know and understand your rights

• Black and brown males need someone to advocate on their behalf

• There is a petition on change.org  called #cancellindafairstein

• The justice system rewards the rich and punishes the poor

• Your environment can affect how the justice system treats you

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

The post 04 – Central Park 5 When They See Us – A Miscarriage of Justice or Common Occurrence? appeared first on On Everyone's Lips (O.E.L Show).

Now more than ever we see black women wearing their hair curly and chemically unaltered. Black women are embracing the way their hair naturally grows regardless of texture, length, or curl pattern. On today’s episode of OEL the ladies and their special guest discuss the natural hair journey and the discrimination that some face.

Black women are rejecting standard beauty ideals to embrace natural styles, black hair continues to be regulated and restricted in many areas of American society. Narrow beauty standards make it difficult for women to freely celebrate their own beauty. Black women are unfairly impacted. Society’s bias has enabled discrimination against Black women’s hair, including being judged differently based on hair texture and hairstyle.

Natural Hair Expert: Oshun Afrique

In the episode we interview Oshun Afrique, teacher, natural hair stylist and community influencer. Oshun is known for providing professional hair care to the Greater Washington D.C. and Philadelphia Metropolitan areas for nearly 2 decades. She teaches Black women healthy hair practices for their specific hair needs. Oshun is a natural hair facilitator and educator who also creates African-Centered adornments for today’s AUDACIOUS Woman. And finally, she’s known for ensuring a relaxing, comfortable, and professional experience with each and every visit.

Oshun began her natural hair own journey in 1998. She began to transition her hair and had her last perm in 1998. In 1999 she did “the big chop” and started helping college classmates on their natural hair journey. She started with an Afro, then moved to twists and finally she began wearing locs. Images of women in and around her community with natural hair made the transition process easy for Oshun.

Our hosts discussed the “big chop” and asked if everyone needs to do it. Oshun stated big chops aren’t necessary and it also depends on what kind of styles they’re looking for. If a person wants their hair to grow in healthy, a big chop is the best way to go. The big chop can be a shock to the system and aesthetically as some women have a fear of what the regrowth process will do to their self-esteem says Oshun. Oshun recommends the big chop, and noted that she has experienced stylists in her salon that can assist with the transition if the big chop is not for them.  She noted that there is a culture shift and women are becoming more and more comfortable with wearing their own hair.

The ladies spoke on their natural hair journey and how they started the process. Chelsea Jade added how she did the big chop not once, but twice and it worked for her and the other host Monique Knows transitioned by wearing wigs and weaves. They all agreed that going natural has been a learning experience.

For some, going natural is a great choice compared to the years of fried and flat looking hair. When the hair is flat-ironed or permed it can sometimes look stiff and often have an odor. Some women still perm their edges even though they consider themselves natural. Women should keep their hair moisturized and not put too much stress on the hair says Oshun. It’s better to keep a routine using the same products that will keep the hair feeling and looking good.

Some common or popular hairstyles for natural hair are Cuban or Marley twists, and Flat Twists with added hair. There should be a healthy balance between wearing wigs and weaves depending on your lifestyle. She understands why women choose alternative hairstyles, stating its due to their busy lifestyle. Active lifestyles versus a sedentary lifestyle require different levels of upkeep to the hair. There are benefits to any hair type. It’s been said that “we always want what we can’t have” meaning women often look and compare their hair and hair styles to that of other women. Oshun shows her clients their hair’s potential. She also notes that some women make decisions about their hair based off of the opinions of men. Her clients often mention styles that their husbands and boyfriends like, but doesn’t take it into consideration as she believes women should have the final say over their hair.

Oshun shared the importance of maintaining the hair and keeping it moisturized, wash and cover your hair and if you don’t maintain it, the hair can become damaged and will fall out. She also stated how women need to make sure that stylist are practicing techniques that will help protect their edges. Experienced stylists know the importance of keeping clients informed and offer techniques on how to properly manage their hair.

Common foods found in your home can help your hair to stay moisturized such as, healthy fats, vegetable fats, including eggs, egg yolks, avocado, rosemary, almond oil. She said to use no more than 5 ingredients and to not be a “product junkie” spending money on unnecessary products. Oshun often recommends that her clients see dermatologists if they’re having issues with their hair, especially if the skin is inflamed or have a lot of buildup on the scalp.

Some of the product tips that Oshun shared were to use tea tree and eucalyptus shampoo, extra moisturizing shampoo, conditioning and a cold rinse. Constant moisturizing and covering your hair will protect it from damaging. Washing hair with cold water can shrink your pores and it closes the cuticles in your hair says Oshun.

The Natural Lifestyle

Black women choose to go natural for a number of reasons, many of which reflect the woman’s discovery of her natural beauty or ability to make independent lifestyle choices. One of the original motivations of the early natural hair movement was to lead a healthier, more resource-conscious lifestyle.

It’s become common knowledge that relaxers cause serious damage, including itching, inflammation, broken hairs, burns, and even hair loss. With studies linking relaxer usage to health risks like uterine fibroids, heart disease, hair loss, scalp damage, chemical imbalance, cancer, and early puberty, more and more women sought alternatives to their century old beauty secret. Going natural is a great option for those who can do it.

Stress may cause women to shed hair more often, but at Oshun’s salon (The River Oshun), they always encourage a healthy lifestyle. Lack of self-care, stress and diet can impact hair and the rest of your body. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle can help the hair stay healthy. What happens in our bodies can affect our hair and staying healthy can stop the hair from falling out.

This new enthusiasm for natural hair comes at the same time as the major rise in organic products for hair care. Women who wear their hair natural are now spending more money on products that will provide the best result for their hair. In choosing what products to use, black women rely heavily on social media to gauge results from others who have gone natural. They have done this by the use of YouTube videos as tutorials on how to use products efficiently and create reviews for consumers to watch.

Hair is a very big deal in the black community. The ladies of OEL asked if other races that are inquiring about their hair as often as black women. She informed that her salon is located in a fairly diverse area, and is mainly for black hair care but there are other races of women who want to become clients. Asian, Caucasian, and Middle-Eastern women have come into her salon and inquired about products and services that she offers. Though she caters mainly to black women, she’s noticed that some Caucasian women expressed interest in locs.

Women going natural should try to keep a balance between protective styles and natural hairstyles. When the hair is in a protective style there needs to be no tension and the scalp and hair needs to be moisturized. Washing the hair with witch hazel can keep the scalp clean, this is an alternative to not using shampoo. A dirty scalp can smell bad, breed bacteria, and cause break outs to happen.

For many black women, the natural hair movement signifies much more than just cultural pride. It signifies an attempt at a healthier lifestyle, a more authentic existence, and a redefinition of the meaning of beauty.

Perceptions of Natural Hair

Our perceptions of natural hair stem largely from visual processes, and as a result, our brains’ repeated exposure to smooth and silky hair linked to beauty, popularity, and wealth creates associations that smooth and silky hair is the beauty default.

Some women believe they need a perm because they’ve always had one. There are some who don’t actually know what their real hair looks like. There is a lot of fear that keeps women from making the transition simply because they don’t know what it’ll look like. They might opt for wigs or weaves to keep it covered until the transition is complete. Hair bias against natural or textured hair has a distinct impact on black women for whom textured hair is their “normal.”

Maintenance and upkeep might also keep women from going natural. Some don’t feel comfortable with the way their hair looks. Many aren’t willing to take the time to learn about their natural hair or what it’s like. This process requires patience and education on proper hair maintenance to know what natural hair requires.

The perception is that in order to look nice, a black woman’s hair has to be straight. It becomes a notion that straight hair is nicer hairr. Oshun’s goal is to educate young girls and show them why perceptions are just that. Black women in the natural hair community have significantly more positive attitudes toward textured hair than other women. For the first time in history, black women are allowed to be their true physical selves in society and have worked together to encourage each other to make the transition, in many ways, into liberation from the limitations of beauty.

There’s also a myth that having straight hair is more professional. Even locs can be deemed unprofessional and sometimes Black women might shy away from certain hair styles because of how they may be perceived. Some women are uncomfortable with their hair. Oshun shared how women have to choose between conforming to workplace standards and adhering to policies and procedures and being free to wear their natural hair. In 2019 Black women still remain pressured to conform to “the normal” standards of appearance.

The Streets are talking

The ladies of OEL took to Instagram to ask to ask men are you attracted to certain hair types?

Skip to: 16:24 Listen to the Responses to our poll ” Are you attracted to a certain hair types“

It’s believed they like the longer hair. They answered with liking long hair as long as it looks good, natural | long, and curly.

Chelsea Jade ask women on IG what are some of the reasons you wear wigs and weaves?

Skip to: 15:47  Listen to the Poll Responses ” Why some women wear Wigs and Weaves“

Some of the answers were comprised of liking to switch up the looks, it’s easier, laziness, they think they look bald, and why not?

Lindsey J on Instagram asked if men mind when women wrap their hair at night, or is it a turn off. Most responses from men noted that they don’t seem to mind.

Skip to: 18:00  Listen to the Poll Responses ” Do men mind when women wrap their hair at night“

Key Takeaways from This Episode

• Learn more about Oshun Afrique on her website.

• Connect with Oshun on her Instagram Account  & Facebook Page.

• Your health and lifestyle greatly impacts your hair  

• Education and patience is a must when starting the natural hair transition

• Household organic products can be used as a moisturizers

• Black women still remain pressured to conform to “the normal” standards of appearance.

• There are benefits to whatever type of hair that you have

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

The Natural Hair Journey

Now more than ever we see black women wearing their hair curly and chemically unaltered. Black women are embracing the way their hair naturally grows regardless of texture, length, or curl pattern. On today’s episode of OEL the ladies and their special guest discuss the natural hair journey and the discrimination that some face.

Black women are rejecting standard beauty ideals to embrace natural styles, black hair continues to be regulated and restricted in many areas of American society. Narrow beauty standards make it difficult for women to freely celebrate their own beauty. Black women are unfairly impacted. Society’s bias has enabled discrimination against Black women’s hair, including being judged differently based on hair texture and hairstyle.

Natural Hair Expert: Oshun Afrique

In the episode we interview Oshun Afrique, teacher, natural hair stylist and community influencer. Oshun is known for providing professional hair care to the Greater Washington D.C. and Philadelphia Metropolitan areas for nearly 2 decades. She teaches Black women healthy hair practices for their specific hair needs. Oshun is a natural hair facilitator and educator who also creates African-Centered adornments for today’s AUDACIOUS Woman. And finally, she’s known for ensuring a relaxing, comfortable, and professional experience with each and every visit.

Oshun began her natural hair own journey in 1998. She began to transition her hair and had her last perm in 1998. In 1999 she did “the big chop” and started helping college classmates on their natural hair journey. She started with an Afro, then moved to twists and finally she began wearing locs. Images of women in and around her community with natural hair made the transition process easy for Oshun.

Our hosts discussed the “big chop” and asked if everyone needs to do it. Oshun stated big chops aren’t necessary and it also depends on what kind of styles they’re looking for. If a person wants their hair to grow in healthy, a big chop is the best way to go. The big chop can be a shock to the system and aesthetically as some women have a fear of what the regrowth process will do to their self-esteem says Oshun. Oshun recommends the big chop, and noted that she has experienced stylists in her salon that can assist with the transition if the big chop is not for them.  She noted that there is a culture shift and women are becoming more and more comfortable with wearing their own hair.

The ladies spoke on their natural hair journey and how they started the process. Chelsea Jade added how she did the big chop not once, but twice and it worked for her and the other host Monique Knows transitioned by wearing wigs and weaves. They all agreed that going natural has been a learning experience.

For some, going natural is a great choice compared to the years of fried and flat looking hair. When the hair is flat-ironed or permed it can sometimes look stiff and often have an odor. Some women still perm their edges even though they consider themselves natural. Women should keep their hair moisturized and not put too much stress on the hair says Oshun. It’s better to keep a routine using the same products that will keep the hair feeling and looking good.

Some common or popular hairstyles for natural hair are Cuban or Marley twists, and Flat Twists with added hair. There should be a healthy balance between wearing wigs and weaves depending on your lifestyle. She understands why women choose alternative hairstyles, stating its due to their busy lifestyle. Active lifestyles versus a sedentary lifestyle require different levels of upkeep to the hair. There are benefits to any hair type. It’s been said that “we always want what we can’t have” meaning women often look and compare their hair and hair styles to that of other women. Oshun shows her clients their hair’s potential. She also notes that some women make decisions about their hair based off of the opinions of men. Her clients often mention styles that their husbands and boyfriends like, but doesn’t take it into consideration as she believes women should have the final say over their hair.

Oshun shared the importance of maintaining the hair and keeping it moisturized, wash and cover your hair and if you don’t maintain it, the hair can become damaged and will fall out. She also stated how women need to make sure that stylist are practicing techniques that will help protect their edges. Experienced stylists know the importance of keeping clients informed and offer techniques on how to properly manage their hair.

Common foods found in your home can help your hair to stay moisturized such as, healthy fats, vegetable fats, including eggs, egg yolks, avocado, rosemary, almond oil. She said to use no more than 5 ingredients and to not be a “product junkie” spending money on unnecessary products. Oshun often recommends that her clients see dermatologists if they’re having issues with their hair, especially if the skin is inflamed or have a lot of buildup on the scalp.

Some of the product tips that Oshun shared were to use tea tree and eucalyptus shampoo, extra moisturizing shampoo, conditioning and a cold rinse. Constant moisturizing and covering your hair will protect it from damaging. Washing hair with cold water can shrink your pores and it closes the cuticles in your hair says Oshun.

The Natural Lifestyle

Black women choose to go natural for a number of reasons, many of which reflect the woman’s discovery of her natural beauty or ability to make independent lifestyle choices. One of the original motivations of the early natural hair movement was to lead a healthier, more resource-conscious lifestyle.

It’s become common knowledge that relaxers cause serious damage, including itching, inflammation, broken hairs, burns, and even hair loss. With studies linking relaxer usage to health risks like uterine fibroids, heart disease, hair loss, scalp damage, chemical imbalance, cancer, and early puberty, more and more women sought alternatives to their century old beauty secret. Going natural is a great option for those who can do it.

Stress may cause women to shed hair more often, but at Oshun’s salon (The River Oshun), they always encourage a healthy lifestyle. Lack of self-care, stress and diet can impact hair and the rest of your body. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle can help the hair stay healthy. What happens in our bodies can affect our hair and staying healthy can stop the hair from falling out.

This new enthusiasm for natural hair comes at the same time as the major rise in organic products for hair care. Women who wear their hair natural are now spending more money on products that will provide the best result for their hair. In choosing what products to use, black women rely heavily on social media to gauge results from others who have gone natural. They have done this by the use of YouTube videos as tutorials on how to use products efficiently and create reviews for consumers to watch.

Hair is a very big deal in the black community. The ladies of OEL asked if other races that are inquiring about their hair as often as black women. She informed that her salon is located in a fairly diverse area, and is mainly for black hair care but there are other races of women who want to become clients. Asian, Caucasian, and Middle-Eastern women have come into her salon and inquired about products and services that she offers. Though she caters mainly to black women, she’s noticed that some Caucasian women expressed interest in locs.

Women going natural should try to keep a balance between protective styles and natural hairstyles. When the hair is in a protective style there needs to be no tension and the scalp and hair needs to be moisturized. Washing the hair with witch hazel can keep the scalp clean, this is an alternative to not using shampoo. A dirty scalp can smell bad, breed bacteria, and cause break outs to happen.

For many black women, the natural hair movement signifies much more than just cultural pride. It signifies an attempt at a healthier lifestyle, a more authentic existence, and a redefinition of the meaning of beauty.

Perceptions of Natural Hair

Our perceptions of natural hair stem largely from visual processes, and as a result, our brains’ repeated exposure to smooth and silky hair linked to beauty, popularity, and wealth creates associations that smooth and silky hair is the beauty default.

Some women believe they need a perm because they’ve always had one. There are some who don’t actually know what their real hair looks like. There is a lot of fear that keeps women from making the transition simply because they don’t know what it’ll look like. They might opt for wigs or weaves to keep it covered until the transition is complete. Hair bias against natural or textured hair has a distinct impact on black women for whom textured hair is their “normal.”

Maintenance and upkeep might also keep women from going natural. Some don’t feel comfortable with the way their hair looks. Many aren’t willing to take the time to learn about their natural hair or what it’s like. This process requires patience and education on proper hair maintenance to know what natural hair requires.

The perception is that in order to look nice, a black woman’s hair has to be straight. It becomes a notion that straight hair is nicer hairr. Oshun’s goal is to educate young girls and show them why perceptions are just that. Black women in the natural hair community have significantly more positive attitudes toward textured hair than other women. For the first time in history, black women are allowed to be their true physical selves in society and have worked together to encourage each other to make the transition, in many ways, into liberation from the limitations of beauty.

There’s also a myth that having straight hair is more professional. Even locs can be deemed unprofessional and sometimes Black women might shy away from certain hair styles because of how they may be perceived. Some women are uncomfortable with their hair. Oshun shared how women have to choose between conforming to workplace standards and adhering to policies and procedures and being free to wear their natural hair. In 2019 Black women still remain pressured to conform to “the normal” standards of appearance.

The Streets are talking

The ladies of OEL took to Instagram to ask to ask men are you attracted to certain hair types?

Skip to: 16:24 Listen to the Responses to our poll ” Are you attracted to a certain hair types“

It’s believed they like the longer hair. They answered with liking long hair as long as it looks good, natural | long, and curly.

Chelsea Jade ask women on IG what are some of the reasons you wear wigs and weaves?

Skip to: 15:47  Listen to the Poll Responses ” Why some women wear Wigs and Weaves“

Some of the answers were comprised of liking to switch up the looks, it’s easier, laziness, they think they look bald, and why not?

Lindsey J on Instagram asked if men mind when women wrap their hair at night, or is it a turn off. Most responses from men noted that they don’t seem to mind.

Skip to: 18:00  Listen to the Poll Responses ” Do men mind when women wrap their hair at night“

Key Takeaways from This Episode

• Learn more about Oshun Afrique on her website.

• Connect with Oshun on her Instagram Account  & Facebook Page.

• Your health and lifestyle greatly impacts your hair  

• Education and patience is a must when starting the natural hair transition

• Household organic products can be used as a moisturizers

• Black women still remain pressured to conform to “the normal” standards of appearance.

• There are benefits to whatever type of hair that you have

Where to subscribe: iTunes/Apple Podcast | Android | Google Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | TuneIn | Spotify | RSS

The post 03 -The Natural Hair Journey – Is Discrimination Based on Hair Texture Real? – Oshun Afrique Interview appeared first on On Everyone's Lips (O.E.L Show).

These days, with various ways for people to connect, there are plenty of nuanced relationships that are becoming more widespread. With less stigma surrounding sexual relationships, plenty of people have been involved in what is known as a “situationship”. In today’s episode of On Everyone’s Lips, the ladies, Chelsea Jade, Lindsey J, and Monique Knows, discuss the differences between situationships and relationships, experiences with situationships, and how our culture has influenced them. There are also tips to know when you might be in a situationship.

Open Relationship Vs. Situationship

The conversation opens with definitions for open relationships and situationships.

An open relationship is defined as a marriage or relationship where both partners agree that each may have sexual relations with other people. A situationship is a relationship that has no label on it, is like a friendship but more than a friendship but not quite a relationship.

Which could also be deemed a mess. It seems like people aren’t really into dating anymore but they will catch feelings and sleep with each other. When it comes to dating now, it’s difficult to know who’s out for something serious or a real relationship. Situationships can feel like real relationships at times but not all the time. It can leave those who are expecting more confused. It can also become frustrating if that’s not what a person wants. Most people have experiences with fooling around without it becoming serious, but it can get messy.

So what are we?

How soon do you establish what you want in a relationship? Do you say something in the very beginning? Is it scary for men to hear that?  Does it scare you away?

One should be mindful that when they think of these questions, they are not looking to rush a relationship. If it becomes a matter of trust, then that could be the time to ask. If a person is stressing themselves out wondering about the status of a relationship, it’s best to have a conversation to gain that type of understanding.

When a person is aware of the types of casual relationships that exist and know what they are looking for, they might want to make that clear towards the beginning of dating. If that is in fact what they would want. Sometimes men may not know right away what they are looking for but it should be made clear from the start, getting everyone’s expectations out in the open . It’s okay to spend time exploring what someone wants, but if it doesn’t seem to be going in the right direction for one or both people involved, then it’s okay to explore elsewhere.

Sometimes we miss out on the notion of just asking questions. Many individuals value their privacy and there those of us who would rather not force information out of them, but it’s still important to ask questions. It’s for the better that a person should make their intentions known to keep he or she on the same page with the other person (or persons) involved. For example, some men or women might say they don’t prefer titles but some would prefer the monogamy and exclusivity to be understood. There should be a conversation and some kind of agreement for it to work.

So should a man be all about a woman he is just beginning to date? Should he cut everyone else off?

The relationship should have a progression. When two people start to date, most likely they are both still seeing other people. After a while though, while the couple feels the chemistry and starts spending more time and attention on each other, there could be a time to have a conversation about becoming exclusive with one another. It can be hard to come across a man who’s able to express himself verbally so it’s nice to hear a man say what he wants. It can be attractive even to be wanted by a man and have him openly express that.

Adventures in Situationships

Skip to: 01:28 A Situationship is a relationship that has no label on it…much like a friendship, but more than a friendship

Situationships might happen because we are taking our time. We’re unsure of the person or just not ready for the relationship aspect and never push to make it something more. Sometimes, we might think we’re in a relationship or we’re waiting for it to become a relationship. Some people might realize after waiting too long for any kind of effort put towards a relationship that there isn’t going to be one. At the same time, some folks can handle the situationship as long as they agree it’s what they want. We tend to find ourselves caught up in situationships more than we decide to be in them. We spend time with a person and end up catching feelings and it is what it is. At times we might end up introducing sex a little too early into certain relationships and it may cloud our judgement, making us think we want more just due to the physical aspect of it. There are people who are capable of messing around with someone for long periods of time without ever wanting more from them. They are able to separate the physical and true emotional aspects of a relationship in their heads.

Adventures in Open Relationships?

Skip to: 01:13 An Open relationship is a marriage or relationship in which both partners agree that each may have sexual relations with other people.

What factors into wanting to be in an open relationship? An open relationship could work out for married couples who’ve been together for decades but going directly into an open relationship might not be the best option for everyone. But if a person is capable of mentally separating their feelings from their body, then they could possibly consider the advantages if any. If they are older and don’t want to ruin their long standing relationships for a new piece, an open relationship might be worth a try.

What Do You Say?

A caller calls the show to gain some clarity and perspective while also giving us a little bit of the male perspective. Situationships are not a mutual thing and open relationships have an understanding but are also still a relationship. Sometimes, when a person says they don’t want a label on the relationship, they aren’t looking to commit to it. It can become selfish if a person is expecting commitment without really expecting to also commit. However, as long as it’s between two consenting adults, they can choose what they want to do. Situations aren’t always perfect for complete and fulfilling relationships but if they both agree to it, then they can try to see where it goes. Sometimes life might get in the way of what is possible. On the other hand, it can be tricky when one person starts to want a real relationship and the other does not. Then it starts to feel unfair. There should always be an understanding.

The second caller agrees that there always needs to be understanding between the two involved. When the expectations are laid out and they both know what they need, they have a chance to choose how to proceed once feelings are involved. In this generation though, people are not communicating as much anymore and when they do that, situationships might work. Yet, because situationships just seem to be relationships, we could be better off without them, opting for a relationship or no relationship.

Know your Standards

At times, it seems that men (and some women) will learn a person in order to keep them wrapped up in them waiting for something that doesn’t come. Some men may not have it figured out but a good woman will appreciate a man no matter what stage of life he might be in. She could motivate him and they could grow together. It’s no good if the man is disrespecting her and not doing what he needs to do.

Sometimes we really want those situationships to work and turn into real relationships but it’s not always easy to turn off those strong feelings. It’s hard when these things don’t work out. Honesty can be the best policy unless a man is looking to keep a woman to himself without doing the same for her. It’s important for women to be strong, to know their values, to know their standards. If you respect and love yourself enough to always take care of your emotional needs as well as your emotional wants, you will never want to settle for anything less. (Please rewrite this to say something to the effect of “ if you love yourself and know what you need as it pertains to you emotionally. Then you will never settle!” )

Key Takeaways from This Episode

These are the tips for knowing that you are in a situationship:

1. Open relationships, situationships and relationships are all real and all different.

   1. Open relationships are okay with both partners having other sexual partners.

   2. Some people in situationships may not actually know they’re in situationships.

2. When beginning to date or see someone, expectations should be made clear.

3. Know your standards. Love yourself and make it known what you want and what you will and will not accept.

4. And lastly, tips for knowing that you are in a situationship:

   1. You don’t have a title

   2. You’ve never met their friends or family

   3. Your main communication is through text

   4. Having half a partner is better than not having a partner at all

   5. You only see that person at night, you don’t go on any dates

Be mindful of these signs and know your standards!

Situationships Vs. Relationships

These days, with various ways for people to connect, there are plenty of nuanced relationships that are becoming more widespread. With less stigma surrounding sexual relationships, plenty of people have been involved in what is known as a “situationship”. In today’s episode of On Everyone’s Lips, the ladies, Chelsea Jade, Lindsey J, and Monique Knows, discuss the differences between situationships and relationships, experiences with situationships, and how our culture has influenced them. There are also tips to know when you might be in a situationship.

Open Relationship Vs. Situationship

The conversation opens with definitions for open relationships and situationships.

An open relationship is defined as a marriage or relationship where both partners agree that each may have sexual relations with other people. A situationship is a relationship that has no label on it, is like a friendship but more than a friendship but not quite a relationship.

Which could also be deemed a mess. It seems like people aren’t really into dating anymore but they will catch feelings and sleep with each other. When it comes to dating now, it’s difficult to know who’s out for something serious or a real relationship. Situationships can feel like real relationships at times but not all the time. It can leave those who are expecting more confused. It can also become frustrating if that’s not what a person wants. Most people have experiences with fooling around without it becoming serious, but it can get messy.

So what are we?

How soon do you establish what you want in a relationship? Do you say something in the very beginning? Is it scary for men to hear that?  Does it scare you away?

One should be mindful that when they think of these questions, they are not looking to rush a relationship. If it becomes a matter of trust, then that could be the time to ask. If a person is stressing themselves out wondering about the status of a relationship, it’s best to have a conversation to gain that type of understanding.

When a person is aware of the types of casual relationships that exist and know what they are looking for, they might want to make that clear towards the beginning of dating. If that is in fact what they would want. Sometimes men may not know right away what they are looking for but it should be made clear from the start, getting everyone’s expectations out in the open . It’s okay to spend time exploring what someone wants, but if it doesn’t seem to be going in the right direction for one or both people involved, then it’s okay to explore elsewhere.

Sometimes we miss out on the notion of just asking questions. Many individuals value their privacy and there those of us who would rather not force information out of them, but it’s still important to ask questions. It’s for the better that a person should make their intentions known to keep he or she on the same page with the other person (or persons) involved. For example, some men or women might say they don’t prefer titles but some would prefer the monogamy and exclusivity to be understood. There should be a conversation and some kind of agreement for it to work.

So should a man be all about a woman he is just beginning to date? Should he cut everyone else off?

The relationship should have a progression. When two people start to date, most likely they are both still seeing other people. After a while though, while the couple feels the chemistry and starts spending more time and attention on each other, there could be a time to have a conversation about becoming exclusive with one another. It can be hard to come across a man who’s able to express himself verbally so it’s nice to hear a man say what he wants. It can be attractive even to be wanted by a man and have him openly express that.

Adventures in Situationships

Skip to: 01:28 A Situationship is a relationship that has no label on it…much like a friendship, but more than a friendship

Situationships might happen because we are taking our time. We’re unsure of the person or just not ready for the relationship aspect and never push to make it something more. Sometimes, we might think we’re in a relationship or we’re waiting for it to become a relationship. Some people might realize after waiting too long for any kind of effort put towards a relationship that there isn’t going to be one. At the same time, some folks can handle the situationship as long as they agree it’s what they want. We tend to find ourselves caught up in situationships more than we decide to be in them. We spend time with a person and end up catching feelings and it is what it is. At times we might end up introducing sex a little too early into certain relationships and it may cloud our judgement, making us think we want more just due to the physical aspect of it. There are people who are capable of messing around with someone for long periods of time without ever wanting more from them. They are able to separate the physical and true emotional aspects of a relationship in their heads.

Adventures in Open Relationships?

Skip to: 01:13 An Open relationship is a marriage or relationship in which both partners agree that each may have sexual relations with other people.

What factors into wanting to be in an open relationship? An open relationship could work out for married couples who’ve been together for decades but going directly into an open relationship might not be the best option for everyone. But if a person is capable of mentally separating their feelings from their body, then they could possibly consider the advantages if any. If they are older and don’t want to ruin their long standing relationships for a new piece, an open relationship might be worth a try.

What Do You Say?

A caller calls the show to gain some clarity and perspective while also giving us a little bit of the male perspective. Situationships are not a mutual thing and open relationships have an understanding but are also still a relationship. Sometimes, when a person says they don’t want a label on the relationship, they aren’t looking to commit to it. It can become selfish if a person is expecting commitment without really expecting to also commit. However, as long as it’s between two consenting adults, they can choose what they want to do. Situations aren’t always perfect for complete and fulfilling relationships but if they both agree to it, then they can try to see where it goes. Sometimes life might get in the way of what is possible. On the other hand, it can be tricky when one person starts to want a real relationship and the other does not. Then it starts to feel unfair. There should always be an understanding.

The second caller agrees that there always needs to be understanding between the two involved. When the expectations are laid out and they both know what they need, they have a chance to choose how to proceed once feelings are involved. In this generation though, people are not communicating as much anymore and when they do that, situationships might work. Yet, because situationships just seem to be relationships, we could be better off without them, opting for a relationship or no relationship.

Know your Standards

At times, it seems that men (and some women) will learn a person in order to keep them wrapped up in them waiting for something that doesn’t come. Some men may not have it figured out but a good woman will appreciate a man no matter what stage of life he might be in. She could motivate him and they could grow together. It’s no good if the man is disrespecting her and not doing what he needs to do.

Sometimes we really want those situationships to work and turn into real relationships but it’s not always easy to turn off those strong feelings. It’s hard when these things don’t work out. Honesty can be the best policy unless a man is looking to keep a woman to himself without doing the same for her. It’s important for women to be strong, to know their values, to know their standards. If you respect and love yourself enough to always take care of your emotional needs as well as your emotional wants, you will never want to settle for anything less. (Please rewrite this to say something to the effect of “ if you love yourself and know what you need as it pertains to you emotionally. Then you will never settle!” )

Key Takeaways from This Episode

These are the tips for knowing that you are in a situationship:

1. Open relationships, situationships and relationships are all real and all different.

   1. Open relationships are okay with both partners having other sexual partners.

   2. Some people in situationships may not actually know they’re in situationships.

2. When beginning to date or see someone, expectations should be made clear.

3. Know your standards. Love yourself and make it known what you want and what you will and will not accept.

4. And lastly, tips for knowing that you are in a situationship:

   1. You don’t have a title

   2. You’ve never met their friends or family

   3. Your main communication is through text

   4. Having half a partner is better than not having a partner at all

   5. You only see that person at night, you don’t go on any dates

Be mindful of these signs and know your standards!

The post 02 – Situationships vs. Relationships- Five tips to know that you’re in a Situationship! appeared first on On Everyone's Lips (O.E.L Show).

Do you or have you ever felt pressure from friends, family and society in general to meet certain life expectations or meet certain milestones in your life? Feel like you’re running out of time to get married, have kids and start your career? Looking for advice and ideas on how to navigate through these experiences? If yes, then you should tune into this episode of On Everyone’s Lips. The hosts, Chelsea Jade, Lindsey J, and Monique, explore and talk about the different pressures faced looking at our life expectations versus the true reality of life situations. The mission of the podcast, as stated by the hosts, is to inspire listeners to live beyond the norm, surpass self-limiting beliefs, to discover self-actualization, to offer techniques and strategies to alter mental perceptions through interviews from thought leaders, innovators and experts. The ladies of OEL set out to do just that in their very first episode as we’re invited to “sit back, relax and enjoy some juicy conversation.

The episode was broadcasted live that to allow for the audience to participate. After introducing themselves, the ladies let us know that this episode is going to center around the ideas of societal pressure and where we’re supposed to be in our lives.

Ticking Biological Clock: The Push to Have Children at the “Right Time”

Skip to: 03:19 According to an article from the Daily Mail, a lot of people don’t realize it or don’t believe it but new fathers in their 40s are less fertile. It’s stated that men should start having children before the age of 35 to limit risk to the children and their partners. Men think that they have until they’re middle-ages, but that may not be the case.

Skip to: 04:20 Monique lets us know from an article on fatherly.com, that men do have biological clocks that makes them want to have kids the older they get..

It’s like they get baby fever as well. A lot of us may not realize this.

Lindsey, being the only one with a child, takes a moment to ask the ladies a question about pressure. Do they feel pressured to have kids and get married? Chelsea says not so much pressure but her mother does want grandkids at some point but her mother does say when she and her siblings are ready for that and not on her time.

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Monique says while she was in her late teens and early 20s she was surrounded by her peers having kids and at the time she was glad it wasn’t her. However, the older she got she started to think “I wish it was me” but she places it in God’s hands saying “all things in God’s timing”. She still has felt pressure because she doesn’t have kids and probing questions still come from fellow peers and family members that want to know when she will reach those milestones.

Chelsea broaches the notion that Black women in particular are deeply affected by medical problems and the older you get there are greater chances for complications, so we try to be mindful to put a time limit on when we’re trying to have children. So it definitely feels like that biological clock is ticking.

For Monique, she has always wanted the family dynamic and although she wants a baby, she would rather wait on a man who wants to be around so that they could be a family or at least co-parent. That desire is stronger than just having a baby.

Marriage: Fools in Love or Foolish in Love?

Lindsey experiences more of the pressure to get married because she already has a child. She expresses her desire to get married someday but is not unhappy in her current situation. For some, getting married puts them in the upper echelons of society it would seem. Married means that they are established, their status is different, improved. They are not lonely single people. That feeling to get married might also justify that someone has wanted a person so much that there’s this feeling of being chosen by someone. Because of this, rather than being with someone who actually treats them right, some women don’t end up with good husbands or good fathers of their children. They don’t want to be alone and they want to feel chosen by someone.

Monique voices there is a bad perception on singleness where people are lonely and unhappy.  While that’s generally not true, there are moments of this but it’s always better to wait and get married for the right reasons, and not just for the surface reasons.

Chelsea takes up a point from Lindsey about some women ending up having kids with guys who are no good and she wants to know: can you have a family with someone who’s just a boyfriend and not be married to them? She believes they can.

Lindsey agrees but people nowadays are losing out on the concept of family. She poses the question why wouldn’t we want to get married? Children are big commitments. When people have children together, they are lifetime commitments. That doesn’t just go away once a child turns 18. Kids will grow up and have their own families that you’ll want to be a part of.

In that same vein though, Chelsea raises the point that some people get married only because they have kids which can be detrimental too. So people have to be mindful of those decisions. Those marriages can be miserable when couples only get married because of the children. Folks may get married to people they really shouldn’t be.

Career: It’s Never Too Late

In switching gears, Chelsea brings up the idea of facing pressures concerning career. She asks if they’ve felt they needed to have it by a certain age or did they want to have a certain amount of money. Was there a specific timeframe for that?

Monique spoke on having very little pressure for that. She obtained a higher position and that’s when her job became her career. She didn’t face any pressure but she knows there’s pressure out there. Chelsea wants to know the difference between a job versus a career and Monique outlines that a career is for the long-term. A career involves moving forward with a company. A job, even though jobs are useful and necessary, doesn’t allow room for growth. For Lindsey, she feels the most pressure concerning her career just based on what she wanted to do with her life. She wants to buy a house and help her daughter go to school. She felt pressure in her career because you can’t get anywhere without money. If there are things you want in life, you have to make money and money also helps you keep control of your life. There are people starting businesses and young Youtube stars making money just making videos.

Chelsea believes it’s only natural to look at what you’re doing in your life and if what you’re doing now isn’t putting you ahead then you should write your goals down, the steps to move toward them, and re-evaluate. You might be in your late 20s to early 30s, but people move at different times and it’s important to take the time to figure out what you want to do and where you want to be in life. If you’re not there, take the steps. You know what works for you. Monique adds if you feel you haven’t accomplished what you wanted to, keep pushing because it is never too late. She never imagined having a podcast show.

When it comes to marriage and children, Lindsey states not everyone wants kids or marriage. People tend to judge folks for not wanting to get married. Not wanting kids might make them seem selfish but everyone has different goals. The main people that judge tend to be miserable.

Home: It’s Where You Want It

Where do you want to be in life? What are your life expectations for yourself? How can you position yourself to drive towards the goal?

The ladies also think about the merits and pressures of home ownership. We might all want our own pieces of property but Lindsey reminds us that it’s about what makes us happy, whether we’re travelling the world or renting a space.

The Guest Caller: Staying True to Yourself

The ladies then take the opportunity to take a caller named April who first takes the time to congratulate them on their first episode. She then wants to chime in and give advice on staying true to yourself no matter what anyone says. Do what’s best for you because at the end of the day, you have to live with the decisions you make,” she says. When it comes to marriage if you’ve been with someone for a while, you don’t want to give men an ultimatum or a time limit to propose. Those are not good conditions to want him to propose under. For single parents, she advises to go with what feels right. God has a plan for everyone. Keep the faith and he will put someone in your life meant for you.

Lindsey poses a question for April. She asks do you feel that because you had kids first, was there pressure to get married quicker? April says yes, and explains that she came from a two-parent household and never had the desire to have a baby out of wedlock. She got married because it was the right thing to do and you have to be careful with decisions. You can start making yourself feel guilty. She got married and then got divorced and felt guilty towards her kids. She couldn’t really explain what was going on because they were going through something she had never had to go through before. Lindsey wishes she had that family dynamic and male figure for her daughter, but if it doesn’t work out it sucks because she feels like she will have failed her.

April lets them know the kids have gone through the struggle but it’s a blessing to then seeing a mother happy. When you find a man to love you, and your children it’s just that much better. Monique, thinking positively, also notes that going through something like that also lets the kids know that life isn’t all roses. Going through something like this can help them understand that not everything goes right and that they can learn that you can learn from any situation. It’s better to show kids that you can get away from “just because” marriages.

Our Mission

Do you or have you ever felt pressure from friends, family and society in general to meet certain life expectations or meet certain milestones in your life? Feel like you’re running out of time to get married, have kids and start your career? Looking for advice and ideas on how to navigate through these experiences? If yes, then you should tune into this episode of On Everyone’s Lips. The hosts, Chelsea Jade, Lindsey J, and Monique, explore and talk about the different pressures faced looking at our life expectations versus the true reality of life situations. The mission of the podcast, as stated by the hosts, is to inspire listeners to live beyond the norm, surpass self-limiting beliefs, to discover self-actualization, to offer techniques and strategies to alter mental perceptions through interviews from thought leaders, innovators and experts. The ladies of OEL set out to do just that in their very first episode as we’re invited to “sit back, relax and enjoy some juicy conversation.

The episode was broadcasted live that to allow for the audience to participate. After introducing themselves, the ladies let us know that this episode is going to center around the ideas of societal pressure and where we’re supposed to be in our lives.

Ticking Biological Clock: The Push to Have Children at the “Right Time”

Skip to: 03:19 According to an article from the Daily Mail, a lot of people don’t realize it or don’t believe it but new fathers in their 40s are less fertile. It’s stated that men should start having children before the age of 35 to limit risk to the children and their partners. Men think that they have until they’re middle-ages, but that may not be the case.

Skip to: 04:20 Monique lets us know from an article on fatherly.com, that men do have biological clocks that makes them want to have kids the older they get..

It’s like they get baby fever as well. A lot of us may not realize this.

Lindsey, being the only one with a child, takes a moment to ask the ladies a question about pressure. Do they feel pressured to have kids and get married? Chelsea says not so much pressure but her mother does want grandkids at some point but her mother does say when she and her siblings are ready for that and not on her time.

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Monique says while she was in her late teens and early 20s she was surrounded by her peers having kids and at the time she was glad it wasn’t her. However, the older she got she started to think “I wish it was me” but she places it in God’s hands saying “all things in God’s timing”. She still has felt pressure because she doesn’t have kids and probing questions still come from fellow peers and family members that want to know when she will reach those milestones.

Chelsea broaches the notion that Black women in particular are deeply affected by medical problems and the older you get there are greater chances for complications, so we try to be mindful to put a time limit on when we’re trying to have children. So it definitely feels like that biological clock is ticking.

For Monique, she has always wanted the family dynamic and although she wants a baby, she would rather wait on a man who wants to be around so that they could be a family or at least co-parent. That desire is stronger than just having a baby.

Marriage: Fools in Love or Foolish in Love?

Lindsey experiences more of the pressure to get married because she already has a child. She expresses her desire to get married someday but is not unhappy in her current situation. For some, getting married puts them in the upper echelons of society it would seem. Married means that they are established, their status is different, improved. They are not lonely single people. That feeling to get married might also justify that someone has wanted a person so much that there’s this feeling of being chosen by someone. Because of this, rather than being with someone who actually treats them right, some women don’t end up with good husbands or good fathers of their children. They don’t want to be alone and they want to feel chosen by someone.

Monique voices there is a bad perception on singleness where people are lonely and unhappy.  While that’s generally not true, there are moments of this but it’s always better to wait and get married for the right reasons, and not just for the surface reasons.

Chelsea takes up a point from Lindsey about some women ending up having kids with guys who are no good and she wants to know: can you have a family with someone who’s just a boyfriend and not be married to them? She believes they can.

Lindsey agrees but people nowadays are losing out on the concept of family. She poses the question why wouldn’t we want to get married? Children are big commitments. When people have children together, they are lifetime commitments. That doesn’t just go away once a child turns 18. Kids will grow up and have their own families that you’ll want to be a part of.

In that same vein though, Chelsea raises the point that some people get married only because they have kids which can be detrimental too. So people have to be mindful of those decisions. Those marriages can be miserable when couples only get married because of the children. Folks may get married to people they really shouldn’t be.

Career: It’s Never Too Late

In switching gears, Chelsea brings up the idea of facing pressures concerning career. She asks if they’ve felt they needed to have it by a certain age or did they want to have a certain amount of money. Was there a specific timeframe for that?

Monique spoke on having very little pressure for that. She obtained a higher position and that’s when her job became her career. She didn’t face any pressure but she knows there’s pressure out there. Chelsea wants to know the difference between a job versus a career and Monique outlines that a career is for the long-term. A career involves moving forward with a company. A job, even though jobs are useful and necessary, doesn’t allow room for growth. For Lindsey, she feels the most pressure concerning her career just based on what she wanted to do with her life. She wants to buy a house and help her daughter go to school. She felt pressure in her career because you can’t get anywhere without money. If there are things you want in life, you have to make money and money also helps you keep control of your life. There are people starting businesses and young Youtube stars making money just making videos.

Chelsea believes it’s only natural to look at what you’re doing in your life and if what you’re doing now isn’t putting you ahead then you should write your goals down, the steps to move toward them, and re-evaluate. You might be in your late 20s to early 30s, but people move at different times and it’s important to take the time to figure out what you want to do and where you want to be in life. If you’re not there, take the steps. You know what works for you. Monique adds if you feel you haven’t accomplished what you wanted to, keep pushing because it is never too late. She never imagined having a podcast show.

When it comes to marriage and children, Lindsey states not everyone wants kids or marriage. People tend to judge folks for not wanting to get married. Not wanting kids might make them seem selfish but everyone has different goals. The main people that judge tend to be miserable.

Home: It’s Where You Want It

Where do you want to be in life? What are your life expectations for yourself? How can you position yourself to drive towards the goal?

The ladies also think about the merits and pressures of home ownership. We might all want our own pieces of property but Lindsey reminds us that it’s about what makes us happy, whether we’re travelling the world or renting a space.

The Guest Caller: Staying True to Yourself

The ladies then take the opportunity to take a caller named April who first takes the time to congratulate them on their first episode. She then wants to chime in and give advice on staying true to yourself no matter what anyone says. Do what’s best for you because at the end of the day, you have to live with the decisions you make,” she says. When it comes to marriage if you’ve been with someone for a while, you don’t want to give men an ultimatum or a time limit to propose. Those are not good conditions to want him to propose under. For single parents, she advises to go with what feels right. God has a plan for everyone. Keep the faith and he will put someone in your life meant for you.

Lindsey poses a question for April. She asks do you feel that because you had kids first, was there pressure to get married quicker? April says yes, and explains that she came from a two-parent household and never had the desire to have a baby out of wedlock. She got married because it was the right thing to do and you have to be careful with decisions. You can start making yourself feel guilty. She got married and then got divorced and felt guilty towards her kids. She couldn’t really explain what was going on because they were going through something she had never had to go through before. Lindsey wishes she had that family dynamic and male figure for her daughter, but if it doesn’t work out it sucks because she feels like she will have failed her.

April lets them know the kids have gone through the struggle but it’s a blessing to then seeing a mother happy. When you find a man to love you, and your children it’s just that much better. Monique, thinking positively, also notes that going through something like that also lets the kids know that life isn’t all roses. Going through something like this can help them understand that not everything goes right and that they can learn that you can learn from any situation. It’s better to show kids that you can get away from “just because” marriages.

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