Interracial Relationships: Is Love Really Blind?
Dating can be a complicated part of life. From where and how you meet somebody, to developing connections, to overcoming hurdles and bridging gaps, there are all kinds of things to worry about from the beginning. Adding racial and cultural differences to the mix may be a big deal to some, especially when there are historical tensions between the race of one person in the relationship and the race of the other person. This could be one of the reasons why black women have the lowest marriage percentage in the United States right now and are also the least likely to marry outside of their race.
Not all individuals or couples see dating outside their race as being an issue, however. It can be as easy as simply finding someone that you click with and become attracted to, especially if mutual respect exists between the individuals in the relationship. We spoke with a few couples who are currently in committed interracial elationships and asked them some questions about their dating experience. We’ll hear from:
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Wilesha and John
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Joan and Rich
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Camille and Jeff
These beautiful couples will share their thoughts on the matter based on their firsthand experience. Their stories will also shed light on how much things have (and have not) changed since the Mildred and Richard Loving case in Virginia: an interracial couple who got married in the 1960s and actually found themselves getting arrested because of their relationship. Their case went to the Supreme Court, where they were able to get laws against interracial relationships banned.
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How did you meet, and is this your first interracial dating experience?
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What attracted you to them?
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Did you have any hesitations about dating outside your race, and how did your family feel? Did your partner feel accepted by them?
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Do you have a complexion preference?
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Have your predispositions of each other’s races changed since you’ve been in your relationship?
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Have your past disappointments with dating your own race lead you to date outside your race?
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Do you feel it’s important that if you have children, they know both sides of their culture? How will you educate them?
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Is there a difference in intimacy or sexual experience?
Camille and Jeff
These two met on a dating app, but neither person was new to interracial dating. Camille thought that Jeff was handsome and liked the fact that his dating profile expressed his creative mind. Jeff thought that Camille looked “wholesome and interesting” and appreciates that their personalities are opposite to each other, yet they complement each other almost perfectly. They also both have stable jobs and complementary skill sets, so they feel that they work very well together in their relationship.
Camille’s family has always been very accepting, as they were the ones who instilled the belief that people should be treated as people rather than seen as only their races. The only worry that she had initially was whether or not men outside of her race would want to talk to her first or would have any negative predispositions about her because of her race.
Jeff grew up surrounded by caucasian people and didn’t have much of a preference because he wasn’t exposed to much else in the beginning. It wasn’t until he began working at the DMV that he began to meet and converse with more kinds of people. His parents were also very accepting and had no issue with him dating other races.
There haven’t really been any changes in their predispositions, because neither of them really felt that they had any predispositions regarding other races before entering their relationship. They both felt that people are all wonderful in some ways and problematic in others, but those ways would differ from person to person, not race to race.
Camille feels that her past disappointments have been more because of the individual themselves rather than being about race, so she wouldn’t say that they changed her feelings about interracial dating in one way or another. Jeff admits to feeling that black women have faced more adversity and have a tendency to be more grounded and mature, so he feels that his attraction has veered more toward black women.
Camille genuinely feels like there is a difference in sexual openness between races, meaning that men of one race might be more willing to try something new than men of another race. Jeff admits that he wasn’t getting much sexual attention before moving to the DMV and feels that there may be more sensuality outside of his race. He also feels like, physically, he would never go back to dating white women.
Willesha and John
John was Willesha’s supervisor at work, and interracial dating was a first for both of them. Both parties are Leos, and Willesha liked that they both had assertive spirits. John was her supervisor, and she was attracted to the way he presented himself. John liked the fact that they could tease and joke with each other so easily, and he was attracted to her sense of humor.
Willesha definitely had hesitations about dating white men because of the way her extended family would tease her about her attractions. Her mother was always fine with her dating whoever she loved, and though her extended family initially made jokes about it, their own family has diversified so that it’s just the norm now. John had no hesitations whatsoever and his family respected his right to love whoever he loved, as long as he was happy.
Willesha has had to teach John a lot about what it’s like to be with a black woman, from hair care to cultural sensitivity, but John has been a very open person, eager to learn about and respect the woman he loves and everything about her. There haven’t been any predispositions, necessarily, but there has been a lot to learn since this is their first interracial relationship. Willesha wants to know that John will be ready to raise a black child with her, because even though the child will be genetically “mixed,” the world will see that child as “black.” She admits to having fears surrounding that dynamic.
Unfortunately, Willesha has had a few negative experiences with black men and their perspectives, so she admits to having wanted to try something different. Now that she has dated a white man, she genuinely wouldn’t want to go back to dating men in her race. John has only dated white women but wouldn’t say that his experience with them has altered his opinions or steered him toward dating women of color. He has, however, matured quite a bit more since dating Willesha.
Willesha feels that black men tend to care more about their own satisfaction, whereas John, as a white man, cares more about intimacy and both people’s satisfaction. John feels closer to Willesha than he has in past experiences. He feels like there is more emotional intimacy between them and appreciates that she has an innate sense of rhythm.
Joan and Rich
This couple met on a ski trip where Rich was celebrating his divorce at the bar of their hotel, and Joan was looking for business. Interracial dating was not new to either of them. Joan was the first to talk to Rich, interested in asking questions about his hair. Rich could tell that she had had a couple drinks and expected her interest to fade, but was pleasantly surprised when her interest was genuine. They got to know each other fairly quickly, and their relationship blossomed from there, from long-distance to long-term.
Joan noticed a difference in the way it felt to date a white man and discovered that she had a genuine preference for white men. Her family cared more about how her partner made her feel and if they made her happy rather than about their race. Rich had never experienced any kind of racial clash and had been more attracted to women of color from an early age. His family loved Joan and welcomed her.
All of Rich’s experiences until Joan were with black Americans, whereas Joan is African. He had to recognize that everything he had learned and understood about black women up until meeting Joan was no longer relevant, because her experiences were completely different from the experience of an African American or otherwise black American. Conversely, Joan learned how differently Americans view race from her own home country. Where she had never seen it as that big of a difference and considers her children white because of how light-skinned they are, America will only see them as black babies. This has been a learning curve for both of them.
Joan feels that her preference was never about disappointment, it was just about discovering that she had a preference at all. In other words, she feels nothing negatively toward her own race, but she felt noticeably positively toward men outside her race. Rich was also never disappointed in the past, but his culture growing up always gravitated more toward things that are more often associated with black culture and was always predisposed to be attracted to black women more.
Rich and Joan spoke on their worries regarding raising their mixed children in America, where they will automatically be viewed as black rather than mixed or light-skinned. Their daughter gravitates more toward her father and their son gravitates more toward his mother, so Rich and Joan express a desire to make sure that their cultural education is balanced in spite of their interests. They wish that they didn’t have to approach it this way, but they recognize that where they live is a huge factor in how they need to educate their children.
Joan is happy to say that sexuality is very different with white men. It feels more connected and open, there’s more expression, and there’s more focus on making her happy. Rich also feels that there’s more of an emotional connection and feels that Joan is it for him. He’s hypersensitive to her presence, sexually, and combining that with the fact that she’s the mother of his children and the woman he wants to spend his life with, he’s never been more satisfied.
5 Takeaways
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Successful interracial relationships happen when there is a foundation of mutual respect.
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A willingness to learn about each other’s cultural differences is vital to interracial dating.
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If you plan on starting a family with someone outside of your race, be sure to communicate about all of the intricacies that come with having a mixed child.
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There’s absolutely nothing wrong with dating outside of your race, but the reason for it should be more about positive preference or coincidence rather than putting down your own race.
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Have an open mind and open heart when dating in general, but especially when dating outside of your race. There will always be more to learn and more to teach.
Guests Contact Info:
Camille & Jeff
Camille Gray
Website: www.wearenuex.com
Instagram: @werareNUEX
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/wearenuex
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/camillemichellegray
Jeff Fitzgerald
Website: http://www.fib-media.com
Instagram: @FibMedia