Situationships Vs. Relationships

These days, with various ways for people to connect, there are plenty of nuanced relationships that are becoming more widespread. With less stigma surrounding sexual relationships, plenty of people have been involved in what is known as a “situationship”. In today’s episode of On Everyone’s Lips, the ladies, Chelsea Jade, Lindsey J, and Monique Knows, discuss the differences between situationships and relationships, experiences with situationships, and how our culture has influenced them. There are also tips to know when you might be in a situationship.

Open Relationship Vs. Situationship

The conversation opens with definitions for open relationships and situationships.

An open relationship is defined as a marriage or relationship where both partners agree that each may have sexual relations with other people. A situationship is a relationship that has no label on it, is like a friendship but more than a friendship but not quite a relationship.

Which could also be deemed a mess. It seems like people aren’t really into dating anymore but they will catch feelings and sleep with each other. When it comes to dating now, it’s difficult to know who’s out for something serious or a real relationship. Situationships can feel like real relationships at times but not all the time. It can leave those who are expecting more confused. It can also become frustrating if that’s not what a person wants. Most people have experiences with fooling around without it becoming serious, but it can get messy.

So what are we?

 

How soon do you establish what you want in a relationship? Do you say something in the very beginning? Is it scary for men to hear that?  Does it scare you away?

One should be mindful that when they think of these questions, they are not looking to rush a relationship. If it becomes a matter of trust, then that could be the time to ask. If a person is stressing themselves out wondering about the status of a relationship, it’s best to have a conversation to gain that type of understanding.

When a person is aware of the types of casual relationships that exist and know what they are looking for, they might want to make that clear towards the beginning of dating. If that is in fact what they would want. Sometimes men may not know right away what they are looking for but it should be made clear from the start, getting everyone’s expectations out in the open . It’s okay to spend time exploring what someone wants, but if it doesn’t seem to be going in the right direction for one or both people involved, then it’s okay to explore elsewhere.

 

Sometimes we miss out on the notion of just asking questions. Many individuals value their privacy and there those of us who would rather not force information out of them, but it’s still important to ask questions. It’s for the better that a person should make their intentions known to keep he or she on the same page with the other person (or persons) involved. For example, some men or women might say they don’t prefer titles but some would prefer the monogamy and exclusivity to be understood. There should be a conversation and some kind of agreement for it to work.

So should a man be all about a woman he is just beginning to date? Should he cut everyone else off?

The relationship should have a progression. When two people start to date, most likely they are both still seeing other people. After a while though, while the couple feels the chemistry and starts spending more time and attention on each other, there could be a time to have a conversation about becoming exclusive with one another. It can be hard to come across a man who’s able to express himself verbally so it’s nice to hear a man say what he wants. It can be attractive even to be wanted by a man and have him openly express that.

Adventures in Situationships

Skip to: 01:28 A Situationship is a relationship that has no label on it…much like a friendship, but more than a friendship

Situationships might happen because we are taking our time. We’re unsure of the person or just not ready for the relationship aspect and never push to make it something more. Sometimes, we might think we’re in a relationship or we’re waiting for it to become a relationship. Some people might realize after waiting too long for any kind of effort put towards a relationship that there isn’t going to be one. At the same time, some folks can handle the situationship as long as they agree it’s what they want. We tend to find ourselves caught up in situationships more than we decide to be in them. We spend time with a person and end up catching feelings and it is what it is. At times we might end up introducing sex a little too early into certain relationships and it may cloud our judgement, making us think we want more just due to the physical aspect of it. There are people who are capable of messing around with someone for long periods of time without ever wanting more from them. They are able to separate the physical and true emotional aspects of a relationship in their heads.

Adventures in Open Relationships?

 

Skip to: 01:13 An Open relationship is a marriage or relationship in which both partners agree that each may have sexual relations with other people.

What factors into wanting to be in an open relationship? An open relationship could work out for married couples who’ve been together for decades but going directly into an open relationship might not be the best option for everyone. But if a person is capable of mentally separating their feelings from their body, then they could possibly consider the advantages if any. If they are older and don’t want to ruin their long standing relationships for a new piece, an open relationship might be worth a try.

What Do You Say?

A caller calls the show to gain some clarity and perspective while also giving us a little bit of the male perspective. Situationships are not a mutual thing and open relationships have an understanding but are also still a relationship. Sometimes, when a person says they don’t want a label on the relationship, they aren’t looking to commit to it. It can become selfish if a person is expecting commitment without really expecting to also commit. However, as long as it’s between two consenting adults, they can choose what they want to do. Situations aren’t always perfect for complete and fulfilling relationships but if they both agree to it, then they can try to see where it goes. Sometimes life might get in the way of what is possible. On the other hand, it can be tricky when one person starts to want a real relationship and the other does not. Then it starts to feel unfair. There should always be an understanding.

The second caller agrees that there always needs to be understanding between the two involved. When the expectations are laid out and they both know what they need, they have a chance to choose how to proceed once feelings are involved. In this generation though, people are not communicating as much anymore and when they do that, situationships might work. Yet, because situationships just seem to be relationships, we could be better off without them, opting for a relationship or no relationship.

Know your Standards

At times, it seems that men (and some women) will learn a person in order to keep them wrapped up in them waiting for something that doesn’t come. Some men may not have it figured out but a good woman will appreciate a man no matter what stage of life he might be in. She could motivate him and they could grow together. It’s no good if the man is disrespecting her and not doing what he needs to do.

Sometimes we really want those situationships to work and turn into real relationships but it’s not always easy to turn off those strong feelings. It’s hard when these things don’t work out. Honesty can be the best policy unless a man is looking to keep a woman to himself without doing the same for her. It’s important for women to be strong, to know their values, to know their standards. If you respect and love yourself enough to always take care of your emotional needs as well as your emotional wants, you will never want to settle for anything less. (Please rewrite this to say something to the effect of “ if you love yourself and know what you need as it pertains to you emotionally. Then you will never settle!” )

Key Takeaways from This Episode

These are the tips for knowing that you are in a situationship:

1. Open relationships, situationships and relationships are all real and all different.

   1. Open relationships are okay with both partners having other sexual partners.

   2. Some people in situationships may not actually know they’re in situationships.

2. When beginning to date or see someone, expectations should be made clear.

3. Know your standards. Love yourself and make it known what you want and what you will and will not accept.

4. And lastly, tips for knowing that you are in a situationship:

   1. You don’t have a title

   2. You’ve never met their friends or family

   3. Your main communication is through text

   4. Having half a partner is better than not having a partner at all

   5. You only see that person at night, you don’t go on any dates

Be mindful of these signs and know your standards!