THINGS PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES WISH YOU KNEW

Disability means a physical or mental condition that limits a person’s movements, senses, or activities. People have a tendency to form their own opinions of what a disabled person can or can’t do based on their own perceptions.

 

Trenesa Lee was born a paraplegic and has cerebral palsy in one hand, but she doesn’t let her disability stop her from living a normal life. She has a car, an assistant, a cook and a job. She’s been doing things without help since kindergarten. She travels around the city with little to no help from anyone. Trenesa takes pride in what she does and doesn’t let her disability slow her down. Trenesa has an amazing personality and an infectious spirit, people are naturally drawn to her.

Trenesa shared how her family wanted to shelter and protect her from the outside world, but something inside of her wanted to be free and explore the world outside her door. There have been times when she wanted to do things but they were frowned upon by her family. She gained her independence in 2006, when she spent 2 weeks at a rehabilitation center in Virginia. She said it not only helped her to become independent, but it confirmed what she already knew, which was, she was more than capable of taking care of herself.

Trenesa has always been an outgoing person and loves talking to people. She shared how people would ask about her disability and she freely shared her story. People prejudged her because of her disability thinking that it would get in the way of her doing “normal” things. She works at Walmart and takes pride in her job. The ladies asked if there was anything that slowed her down or prohibited her from exploring the world. She mentioned the challenge of navigating through some stored because they were not wheelchair accessible, other than that, she comes and goes as she pleases.

She was asked if there was anything that she missed or anything that she wished she could do. She answered, “no, everything I wanted to do I’ve already done”. She said, “You can’t miss what you’ve never had”. The ladies asked if she had any advice to offer, Trenesa said “don’t be afraid to step outside the box and do something different, you don’t know what you can do unless you try”

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WHAT ARE SOME MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT DISABILITY?

There are a few misconceptions that disabled people face. People with disabilities live the same lives as you and I. Although, some ways of doing things may be a little bit different depending on the type and severity of the disability.

A few misconceptions are:

• Paralyzed people are confined to their wheelchair

• They live different lives than those that do not have a disability

• Disabled employees have a higher absentee rate

• It’s expensive to accommodate disables workers

• Certain jobs are more suited for people with disabilities

• People with disabilities cannot work fast paced jobs

• Disabled people are suitable for relationships

• Etc…..

It can be insulting to disabled person when they are treated different. There is an assumption that having a disability prevents you from doing everyday activities. They sometimes have to work a little harder to prove themselves. Society tends to place unnecessary labels on disabled people. Whatever limitations we may think are valid are not universal. It’s important to let the disabled person tell you what they can and cannot do, rather than deciding for them.

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WHAT ARE SOME CHALLENGES PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES FACE?

Persons with disabilities are one of the most marginalized sectors of our society. They face more challenges than the average person. In addition to constantly having to remind people that they’re disability does not make them incapable of performing certain activities, they often find themselves discriminated against in their social lives and in the workplace. They sometimes find themselves dealing with:

• Issues with traveling

• Being teased and taunted

• Having to adapt to different environments

• An education and healthcare system that’s not inclusive

• Having to prove themselves to people

People are often surprised when a disabled person shows up to a party and or are able to hold down a full-time job. Unfortunately, invitations to social events and job opportunities are sometimes withheld from disabled people. Assumptions about a person’s capabilities based on your own insecurities is a common thing that people with disabilities face. This can be easily avoided if questions are asked and chances are given.

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DOES GUILT AND ANGER PLAY A ROLE IN THE LIVES OF THE DISABLED?

Anger, guilt, depression, and fear are some emotions that everyone deals with, so it’s only natural for a disabled person to feel them as well. There’s nothing wrong with feeling those emotions, just as long as you don’t stay stuck in that dark place. Sometime you have to encourage yourself and do things that will ultimately make you happy. There may not always be someone around to cheer you up. It’s important to be your own cheerleader, and do not set limitations for yourself.

 

HOW ARE DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS AFFECTED BY DISABILITY

Physical and cognitive limitations don’t stop those with disabilities from enjoying dating and having meaningful, lasting elationships. Able bodied people shouldn’t assume that they’re a superior group of people and that people with disabilities are a charity case. They don’t need anyone to do anything special for them, so if you’re genuinely interested in them, great! But don’t act like you’re a saint for asking a disabled person out, you’re not doing them any special favors.

Disabled people have the same wants, needs and desires as an able bodied person. The person they’re dating should be aware that things may need to done in a different way. Yes, there may be things that have to be done differently, but love is not an emotion exclusive to the abled. You must come into the relationship with an open mind and be willing to learn new things. Adapting to a disabled persons lifestyle is something that abled bodied people have to do relationships.

Relationships in general are hard, the last thing a disabled person needs is to be prejudged or made to feel that they’re less significant than an able bodied person. At the end of the day, everyone wants to be loved. The success of the relationship has a more to do with personalities and less to do with disabilities.

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RESOURCES

There are several organizations dedicated to assisting people with disabilities. These programs assist in finding programs and resources to help educate themselves and their loved ones. Among these are the Office of Disability Employment Policy (ODEP) and the American Association of People with Disabilities (AAPD). Additional information including assistance with housing, transportation, employment, healthcare, legal help, and other accommodations can be found at https://www.usa.gov/disabilityprograms. The Wilson Workforce and Rehabilitation Center in Fishersville, VA, also provide a variety of tools and skills to assist disabled people with living independently.

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Having a disability shouldn’t prevent you from having the same opportunities as everyone else. We need more disabled people on TV as actors, news anchors, and entertainers, so people can see themselves represented in the media. There are also not nearly enough disabled people in office in the government on local, state, and federal levels, and the lack of representation has a major effect on programs and resources available. There are things that are done differently or may take longer to do, but it doesn’t mean they’re heroic or inspiring. If you want to be a supportive friend, coworker, or loved one, try and have a little patience, be open to learning new things and ask questions.

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Having a disability shouldn’t prevent you from having the same opportunities as everyone else. We need more disabled people on TV as actors, news anchors, and entertainers, so people can see themselves represented in the media. There are also not nearly enough disabled people in office in the government on local, state, and federal levels, and the lack of representation has a major effect on programs and resources available. There are things that are done differently or may take longer to do, but it doesn’t mean they’re heroic or inspiring. If you want to be a supportive friend, coworker, or loved one, try and have a little patience, be open to learning new things and ask questions.

 

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TAKEAWAYS

• Educate yourselves. Learn about their disability (either from them or doing research)

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• Don’t compare a person with a disability to a person without one.

• Don’t praise someone or call disabled people inspirational for doing everyday things, it’s insulting

• Encourage independence and avoid making assumptions about their capabilities

• They have needs and desires just as an able bodied person does

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